[lovestruck]

Hey,

As most of you know by now we are now in the waiting phase for Kazakhstan. We are expecting travel in Feb.

Kaz's process is different than Russia. You can make one long trip or two trips. The length of the first trip is suppose to be roughly two and a half weeks. This time frame seems to be longer lately (up to 4 or 5 weeks at times), and of course we won't know until we are there how quickly our process with move. What happens during that time is they have a required 14 day bonding period. So you spend at least two hours a day for 14 days visiting your child. After the bonding period is court. Sometimes court is a couple days after the end of the bonding period, sometimes it may be a week or longer after. (you can still visit while waiting for court). Due to the uncertainty we have decided that we will travel with our children for a month. What we have not decided is what we will do next. But this is where my question comes in.

Our daughter will be anywhere between 6 months to 18 months, won't know until we get there. After court some families opt to go home for 30 days and then return to get their child. We haven't decided if my husband will return with the boys and I will stay on and continue visits with DD or if I will return home with them and then go back 30 days later. There is typically a 15 day wait after court. some regions this is waived some it is not. Then there is paperwork in the region after the 15 days and then paperwork in Almaty.

Because of the two week bonding period our DD will be use to seeing us regularly. I'm wondering since she has a long period of time to get use to us being around, yet not old enough to understand we will be back to get her, how do you think this will affect her attachment if we all of the sudden leave for 30 days and the reappear? Do you think that this could affect her trusting us ?

My husband and I are very open to me staying the remainder of the time in Kaz after my husband and boys leave. Just trying to make the best decision possible for everyone, DD, hubby, our boys.

I just want to clarify, I realize there can be very long waits between trips in Russia and 30 days seems like nothing. My concern is that after a minimum of two and a half weeks of being together daily (except Sundays I think) do you think that a gap of not seeing her will have an affect on her attachment to us?

[kretzklan]

Tough question. Could it affect her feelings toward you? Maybe. I guess in my mind I always go with what I know for sure. How would things work at your house for that time without you? If DH and your boys would be A-OK without you, I'd probably stay! Wow, really a tough decision - it's not even mine and I can see both sides and the arguments for each. I guess in the end, I'd just have to do what would keep me more sane. Will you worry more about DD in Kaz or about the fam back home?

[Amysue1112]

HI!
That is not an easy question...since in Russia on Trip 1 most don't usually get that much time with their child, it does make it very different, and 30 days IS a long time.

I would first look at your home life, and how this would effect your boys. Remember, they are very attached and may be affected by your being away from them so long. So first, I would consider how THEY will be affected. IF you believe they will be ok, then I would consider staying in Kaz for that time. 2 or more weeks IS a long time to be with a child and then to leave them, especially if their orphanage staff does not give them a lot of attention. Could it affect attachment? I would think it could, especially in the early days...but I also think it is something could be overcome.

Something I am sure you have not thought much about...I know as a Mama you think of "Mama" last. But I will tell you, on trip 1 we only spent 1 hr with Hannah. But on trip 2, we spent a week. When we had to leave her town for 3 days for court and the paperwork delay, it was truly heart-wrenching. All I could do is picture Hannah standing there at the fence, looking for us to walk in so she could give us that brillant smile. And we didn't come..for 3 days. It seemed like forever. Every day I thoght "this is hurting my baby! She misses us...SHE NEEDS US!". Even though was so worried about the affects on her, it didn't seem to bother her in the least. Kids are resilient. Your daughter can hang in there if you need to go home.

Besides, if you think about it, leaving her in the orphanage for a little while is what is "normal" for her.

Sorry for the rambing...bottom line....take care of the "homefront" first. If everything seems in order, then I would stay. Or you may want to wait and see until you see what happens in Kaz.

One thing that is very exciting..THAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT TRAVELING SOON!! WOOO HOOO!!

[Ktates]

Even though you are seeing her daily for 2 hours - you still aren't being the primary caregiver (not that your child really has one at that point). If anything I think it might take a little longer for her to attach to you guys since she may lump you in as another orphanage caregiver. I would just try to do all you could to be a primary caregiver once you gain custody....on the good side I would think that seeing her every day for two weeks might make your adjustment a little easier - in terms of taking her away from everything she knows but yet you were there for a few weeks so your presence might help that?

so I guess to sum up my thoughts = it may delay your attachment a little but she may adjust to her new surroundsings a little better. If it were me, I think I would return home for 30 days...
good luck - you will do what works for your family!

[swmphoto]

I would go home. We were gone for 8 days on
two different trips and my girls 4 & 5 at the time did
okay. No major problems. However my 4 year old hardly
eat both trips and had problems sleeping thru the night.
Your daughter has been use to her life and will
be okay for a few more weeks. On the other hand
your boys are not use to mom leaving for that long.
The bonding with your daughter will surely come as
soon as she is all yours. Best of luck with your decision.
This was only my experience.

[lovestruck]

Thanks to all of you who responded here and through pm's. I didn't realize this would be such a tough decision! In Russia there is really no option and in a way that was a nice thing. If only the time frames were more concrete.......two weeks is one thing, a month is another, for both my boys and DD. Lots to think about and thank you for you input and experiences!

[randloar]

lovestruck,

Could you clarify the 30 days part for me? When we were heading to Kaz (now I do realize that some of the regions are extending this at this point so maybe that is where i am confused), but we were planning for
travel to region
14 days bonding
court b/t day 15-21
15 day wait
travel to almaty for final paperwork
exit paperwork ~1 week

The families I knew were coming home for 2 weeks then returning to go through Almaty process (two trip option), staying the entire time (about 60-65 days total), or opting for escort, which took about the 30 days total for the child to come home (after court that is).

Has it just gotten that much longer recently in Kaz, and is my information outdated already (probably!!).... Bummer, that IS a long time, and would be hard to deal with deciding, sorry I am no help but was just asking more questions!!!

[votemom]

i would try and stay.

[maddensmom]

I would try and stay too. I don't think attchment is going to be really very affected either way, but what a great beginning you would have. I would not worry to much if you can not though.