[Vicki H]

I have a Christmas day dilemma. Since Alex we have had a Christmas day routine, he opens gifts at home, we stay at home for a bit and let him play with some of his new toys, then we head to my parents so he can open gifts with my nieces and nephew and then we have dinner at my Aunts and then go to FIL home (MIL has her celebration on Christmas eve). Sounds like alot but it works.

Last year FIL decides they are going to his friends home for dinner and they want us to change plans, nothing works since dh and his sister cannot be in the same room together and of course we had to plan around this in order to keep the two from injuring each other .

We ended up celebrating with FIL on Christmas eve during the day. This year he is insistant that we come over Christmas morning. To do this I would have to get Alex up at 6:00 and then wisk him out of the house immediately after opening gifts and head over there.

We have to go to my parents, they have four grandchildren and two soon to be step grandchildren that they have gifts for, plus the children all exchange gifts with each other. FIL has one grandchild , Alex.

We only go to my Aunts since that is the only place we are invited for Christmas dinner, my parents and sisters go there. FIL goes to his friends and MIL does her own thing.

Needless to say, I just do not know what to do. Obviously FIL is more concerned about himself since they refuse to come to our home on Christmas, I offered to have them come over in the morning when Alex gets up , but they said we are coming to their home.

I need advice please. There is a lot to this, dh family is very self involved and put there needs above everyone elses. I could certainly wait on my parents, but that would be difficult as well, like I said my parents have more grandchildren to see in one day.

I am ready to just stay home.

[april*rain]

Hi Vicki,

We had similar family problems during the holidays which ended up causing us to hate the holidays. Finally, last year we decided that we would spend Christmas Eve at DH's parents' house (they have a buffet party every year) but that on Christmas Day we were not leaving the house. Any of the family is free to join us in the afternoon or evening, but we are staying home. This way Ethan can stay in his own home and play with his new toys, which is all any kid wants to do on Christmas anyway. It worked out great; my parents came over for dinner and his parents stopped by as well. The day was fun, peaceful, and not full of stress like it used to be when were in the car half the day running from one place to the next.

Family issues are SO difficult, especially around the holidays. We all want those "christmas special perfect families" that we see on tv, but the reality is that we have to do what is best for our own families. If you think you, DH, and Alex would be happier staying home, then do so. You can see all the families the week after Christmas if you want to. You can always try that for a year, and if you don't like it you can do something different the next year. I bet you will end up loving it though! We did and wish we had done it sooner.

Good luck!
Lisa

[beckyww]

We faced the same type of dilemma after we moved from Houston to San Antonio. Be the parents. Be the adults. Do what is best for your family and cheerfully say that anyone is welcome to join you. Period. End of story.

Personally, we stay home on Christmas and Thanksgiving. We want our kids to remember traditions in our house, not scurrying around to be at someone else's house.


Becky
The Woodworth Family in Beautiful San Antonio TX

[crispex]

If I were in your situation, I would explain to the FIL the situation and state that coming over in the morning is really not an option. Then give him 2 "counter-options."

1. We (meaning you) can come over in the afternoon/evening.
2. You (meaning FIL) can come over to my house (meaning your house) in the morning and watch Alex open presents.
3. None of the above and you don't see Alex on Christmas day.

That would be my suggestion. Hope it helps.

[Kasey]

For me, christmas morning is sacred. I really dont think kids (especially younger ones) who are so excited about xmas, should be rushed to open their presents and leave their toys just to appease adults. We have this situation in our family as well, MIL wants everyone over xmas morning, BIL/SIL and their kids always packed everyone up, drove 1/2 hour to spend then morning and then turn around leave, come home only for MIL/FIL to come up for dinner! Makes no sense to me at all.
So I made it clear once we had alek we were going NO where xmas morning, if anyone would like to come over and watch the present opening and have breakfast we would be more than happy to have them. So that is how it has been for us and that is how it will stay. This is one I am not flexible on. My mom/stepfather and grammom have been coming up to watch the present opening and have breakfast. It is nice and low key and we love it.

Good luck, sorting it out, but if I were you, I would put my foot down. Invite him over, but dont' make Alex pay for it because adults can't get over being self centered and unflexible!

[Teri M]

Hi Vicki - since our Alex came home - we told everyone - that CHristmas morning is off limits (in a nice way of course) - we want to start some of our traditions with Alex and keep them going so we go to NO ones house. Christmas eve is fine and we all get together -but Christmas morn - just the 3 of us so Alex can see what Santa Claus brought him and play. In the afternoons (well usually around noon) - we all get together to open the rest of the packages and then me and my sisters start cooking (ugh). My in-laws live out of state - so that is one really good thing...we don't usually see them until after new year - or we just sent packages in the mail - but even with them -we told them we wouldn't be travelling on Christmas so they don't ask us to come up anymore for Christmas....

I guess I kinda got long winded - but this is a really important issue with me and the rest of the family...

It is tough when you have so many people tugging at you - and some don't get along...when that happened with the in laws - we just didn't go (before Alex)....

Maybe you should just stay home and do everything at your house and invite any and all who wants to come - that keeps it nice and happy for your son and you are making a point to everyone that you are not "Elasti-girl" to be stretched to fit into everyones plans....

Anyway - I wish you luck - I love the holidays !!!
Hugs to you
T

[DoreenG]

I have to say that regardless of previous years' and how they've worked, I'd simply kindly but firmly decide and stick to what is important to you.

Your son isn't quite 4, so at this point you can manipulate the holiday a bit. But next year you won't be able to. I would offer FIL that he is welcome at your house on Christmas Eve, period.

Christmas morning is for your family, and FIL is welcome to come over (if you are up to it) but your traditions of presents, breakfast (church?) & playing are starting now and will not be up for interpretation by others. Christmas afternoon is at your aunts.

This will only get worse as time goes one. You, your DH and your son should be the focus of your family Christmas celebration. I know it seems like you'lll step on feelings now, but it will only be worse when it escalates to the point that you are ready to rip someone's hair out.

[angelkisses0102]

I've heard Disney is beautiful for Christmas...you can even get a tree in your room. I responded elsewhere but...

[Annabell]

Williamsburg is also really pretty at Christmas-time. Traditional decorations, carrolling, bonfires, hot cider, gingerbread, etc.

Just think -- you could start your very own holiday tradition. It's called "Getting the heck out of Dodge".

In any event, good luck with this mess.

[mikeintexas]

Hey Vicki -

It's perfectly acceptable for you and DH to decide what you will be doing for Christmas. Starting 3 years ago, we started staying home on Christmas morning... we need to have our own traditions in our own home.

Mike

[GCS]

I have to agree with Mike and say this is the time for your family to have your own traditions. And if Christmas morning in your home around your tree is your tradition, stick to your guns!

They are welcome to join you, of course!

Christina

[KiraLin]

Vicki,

As a single mother I don't have this problem (yet, I hope to perhaps one day ! ) I will tell you that when my own parents were faced with this issue they simply put their foot down and told the rest of the pushy family members that they would not travel with small children on Christmas...come to them or forget it. (It worked and by the time my brother and I were not small there were younger cousins and thus began a round robin of taking turns meeting at the homes that had children) You do have a right to do what is best for you and your immediate family... Good luck!

[Vicki H]

Thank you all for your advice. I told dh today that we will not be going to his fathers in the morning, they of course are welcome to come to our home.
I am not waking Alex up at 6:00 am to quickly open gifts and then wisk him right out of the house.

Thank you again everyone!

[jkkclinton]

I say stay home. You have your own family now and it's time to start your own tradition. Invite others if you would like but do it on your schedule. Cook dinner for your family, hang out at home...it takes time to get used to it but you have your own family tree to think about now.

I was tired of pleasing everyone and having to abide by everyone else's schedules so we do our thing and last year my sister and her family came in to celebrate with us from Canada. They participated in all of our traditions (making Christmas tshirts, church on Christmas Eve, pajama presents on Christmas Eve, etc). It was great and now this year I'm ready to go at it totally alone...just me, my hubby and our three kiddos!!

Krista

[TweetyMom04]

Originally Posted by Vicki H

I am ready to just stay home.

We told Family what we were doing for our FIRST Christmas as a Family.
One set of Grandparents thought it was great! The other set of Grandparents didn't like it and really got . But we insisted on what WE wanted to do.
We ate, played trains, watched movies, laughed, napped, all in comfy, casual clothes. It was a GREAT Day!