[jimpol]

In addition to adopting from Russia has anyone done other types of adoption, like foster to adopt, domestic adoption, or from other countries?

My husband and I are considering another child. We adopted our son in 2003 and now we want to expand the family, but we aren't sure that we want to do another Russian adoption. Loved the experience the first time! We chose Russia because we had good friends adopt from there so we jumped in with both feet and the rest is history. Now, I'm confused where to start. Any advice?

Thanks!

[proudmommyof 2]

We tried foster to adopt in 2001. It's not for the faint of heart. God bless those who can go into that, knowing that losing a child is a possibility. We need people who can love these children unconditionally, knowing that they may not parent the child forever, but it just about killed me.

We tried to adopt a boy who was born addicted to cocaine, methadone ( I didn't know that could be an addiction, but it was on his papers as one), alcohol, and 2 prescription drugs. Biomom and dad (married, in their 40s) were both users, and continued to use. J. was in the hospital for a month, then went to a foster home. His grandparents go to Florida each winter (he was born in Nov. 2000) and didn't want him. However, in the spring, he came to us as foster adopt. Just when there were no changes, and the goal was talking about being changed to adoption, the grandparents decided they didn't want him to be adopted. As quickly as that, at 8 months, he was taken from us. Since he hadn't been with us 6 months, we didn't even have a right to appeal and talk about how hard the transitioning had been for him, ask to have him stay with us until the bio parents could get their act together.

I couldn't get over it. It just about killed me.

5 1/2 years later, I have my Russian angels. I truly appreciate them now, knowing that I can't take them for granted, and knowing that no adoption can be taken for granted.

Keep looking, follow your heart. You will find the way that is best for you

[sak9645]

I think that a lot depends on what you want from your adoption experience.

As an example, other Eastern European countries will be an option if you want a Caucasian child. Kazakhstan, technically Asian, is also a possibility because it has both Asian and Caucasian children. With Kaz, a big drawback is the long time in-country, but many parents live with this because the children tend to get very good care.

China is a terrific option if you are looking for low to moderate fees and predictability of the process. However, you have to be open to an Asian child. Also, wait times have gotten long -- right now, about 14 months to referral. And because most of the children have been abandoned, you will not have any background information.

Guatemala is a good option if you want short or no travel and the possibility of a young child. It also tends to use private foster care, which many parents prefer because the children may get more love and attention. However, the process has always been a bit unpredictable, and there COULD be a closure in 2007, in conjunction with Hague implementation in the U.S., because Guatemala ratified the Hague but never implemented it. You will need to be open to a child of the indigenous (Indian) population, which tends to have black hair, tan skin, and Indian features. Guatemala is more expensive than many countries, though less than Russia.

South Korea is a terrific option for a young, married couple under about 43, willing to consider an Asian child and hoping for a young baby. Korea has been placing children with U.S. citizens for over 50 years, and the process is very well organized. Escort is possible. The number of available healthy infants has declined, however, so waits could be a problem. And Korea is VERY picky about things like parental health status.

Ethiopia has become very popular because of low fees, young babies, and short time frames. You can also adopt a sibling group if you wish. You must be open to raising a Black child. You will be able to use one of only about seven agencies accredited by the Ethiopian government.

Vietnam has recently reopened after being closed to Americans for several years. In the past, it was great for young babies and a short time frame, but there were some unsavory facilitators who caused problems for some families. At this point, the reopened program is too new for things like health status, age of referred children, and wait times to be clear. One can only hope that Vietnam has managed to clear out the unsavory facilitators.

Perhaps you should sit down and make a list of the things that are important to you. Then, if you share the list with the group, we may be able to share our thoughts on particular countries with you.

Sharon

[britfish]

wow Sharon, what a great summary of the different countries!
I have two friends who have adopted newborns domestically in the last month. It was an easy and suprisingly short process for both of them. I always assumed domestic would be long waits and difficult to adopt a newborn so I was surprised at the ease of their adoptions.

[MominPA]

We looked into fostering, but I was discouraged by the response I got. I was asked what age range we would considered and I said up to the age of 6 since Josh was 8 at the time and I didn't want to bring an older child then him into the house. I was told that is the age everyone wants and I should expand my age range for older children. We also decided that it wouldn't be best for our family if we had children come and go. I don't think Josh would be able to handle it.

We looked into hosting a child from Russia, but I didn't fine a program or agency who did these programs that I was comfortable with. Also I knew I couldn't get my husband to do any type of intercountry travel in Russia. So we decided to adopt again using the same agency we used to adopt Josh since I knew we could about in Moscow and the rest is history. We also decided for our family that is was important for our children to share the same hertiage. Adopting from Russia again gave us a chance to bring Josh and he saw what we went through to adopt him and to see the country his was born in. The trip to Russia meant alot to him.

[crispex]

My wife and I are licensed foster parents here in Kentucky and I would encourage you to look into the program in your state. The classes you need to take are free of charge and are very informative. As proudmommyof2 pointed out, it is not for the faint of heart. You have to expect that the child will be taken from the home and placed back with parents/grandparents/etc. These children need love and a home desperately.

While my wife and I have not fostered a child yet (we just completed our Russian adoption and didn't want another child into our home quite so quickly) we will likely get a call after the 1st of the year as we requested.

As far as not getting a child under age 6, if you are only looking to adopt through the foster system, this is correct. If you are willing to foster, you can easily get a child under age 6 and if the birth mom/dad lose or self-terminate parental rights, the foster parent has 1st choice in the adoption.

We recently had our quarterly meeting with our social worker (for foster care) and she asked if we had been called the day before. They were trying to find a home for a 1-day old child!!! Yes, 1-day old. Typically when they are removed that early it is because either the mother or child (or both) tested positive for drugs, or the mother has already had rights terminated for a previous child.

I would strongly encourage you to check out the foster classes in your area. The most you are out is some time. And there is some great information about all adopted children in these classes, it really helped me out during the completion of my adoption!

[mjkkbbr]

We adopted twice from Korea. The process was so smooth and right on their estimate of costs. After our recent Russian process and all of the uncertainty and huge costs I know that we will never go that route again. The difference of programs was night and day.

Korea -
* No dossier/apostilles only a homestudy summary needed
* About half the cost
* No travel required but you can go for a few days if you choose
* Most children in foster care from birth
* Mostly infants under 1 year old most under 6 months but this is changing in 2007 to mostly 9-12 months
* Typically no gender choice

PM me if you want more info

[tbristow]

I don't have any personal experience, but a former co-worker battled for over 2 years trying to adopt from a "foster" situation and the mother WANTED them to have the girls. They eventually ended up with one of them. Another co-worker tried for a lengthy period of time and then gave up.

As far as domestic goes, I know of one that lost a child to a birthmom after two months and one that went through two failed matches before a success and then another two failures trying to get number 2. I think they've decided to give up due to the expense and heartbreak. This is part of the reason we went to Russia.

I have a friend in the China program. Their dossier was submitted 11 months ago and it looks (based on the current trend) that it will be another 6-8 months to get a referral.

I wish you the best in your decision. Follow your heart. It's never wrong!!

[cindyc]

We adopted two children domestically several years ago. We have two terrific kids, BUT I was in tears for about four months prior to one of the adoptions. The birthmother was totally committed to us, but we had a heck of a time getting the birthfather to sign off on the adoption. We didn't get it until after our child was born and after spending thousands of dollars on faith that the adoption would indeed go through.

Due to that stress, we picked Russia for our third child. Even with the big database letter slow-down which we got caught up in, our Russian adoption was a LOT less stressful than our domestic adoptions. Also, with two children in our family already, we didn't think we could risk having a new child taken out of our home if the birthmother changed her mind, even after a few days. We just couldn't chance that, emotionally.

Of course, so much of this is individual and intuitive. Go with your gut, is my only actual "advice!"

Good luck,
CindyC

[znd]

Hi,

My DH and I tried to adopt from Russia for 2 1/2 years and we lost 2 boys waiting to travel then we finally traveled and feel in love with a baby boy in Vladivostock Russia. We waited and waited. A year went by and things feel apart. It was a mess and we were devastated. We switched to domestic adoption around the last week of March 2006 and our book was completed and ready to be sent out in May. We were matched and welcomed a beautiful baby boy born September 12th 2006.

It was a walk in the park compared to the unrest in international adoption in Russia. The never knowing and lack of understanding there messed up system. My husband and I were not living life while we were waiting. It was terrible and we have a homegrown 7 year old. It was very hard on the entire family we tried everything to bring that little boy home. He will be forever in our hearts.Gods plan for us was to adopt a child domestically.

Listen to your heart.

Best wishes,
Jennifer

[kimber413]

Jennifer, sorry you had such a tough time with Russia. Thankfully we got in under the wire for accreditation and were able to complete our adoption in Oct. 2004, just before all you-know-what broke loose.

We are considering different options for our second adoption, including China, Kaz, and Russia. The fees have gone up so much with Russia since we adopted before, and they've stayed pretty stable with other countries. We're heavily considering China because my husband is Chinese, and also because the fees are less than half of what the Russia fees are. Kaz is a great option for a healthy child, but as someone else noted, the in country stay is quite long. It can be only one parent that stays, though, if the time away from other children and jobs gets to be too much. You can also do a 2 trip option, but the stay is still quite long for that first trip.

It's really what you feel most comfortable with. I do think that shared heritage is important, and we may end up biting the bullet and going back to Russia simply for that reason (and the fact that DH and I just have this yearning to go back to Russia).

[SingleMama2B]

Hi "JimPol".... I looked into domestic foster to adopt program here in NJ several years before the opportunity came to host my DD from Russia. I was very discouraged! I was told that being single, and wanting a younger child, that I would be on the LONG list. Also, the foster to adopt program, just knowing that I could raise a child for up to 5 years, and then that child could be taken away (when the parent(s) got their act(s) together, etc.) would BREAK my heart. I had talked to several people that did this program.... some it worked beautifully, and the others, their hearts still ache.... Selfishly, I knew I couldn't do this. I looked into several countries, and after 3 years of research, and for one reason or another, I had to let go of this dream of being a Mommy. Then, out of the blue, a phone call came from my sister, and she had been asked to join a Russian Orphan Summer Hosting Program!!! Within 16 hours, I faxed my initial paperwork to host, and the rest is HISTORY!!! I would go back to Russia to expand my family (if I could financially swing it) in a HeartBeat... even with all of the changing Laws, delays, etc. That is just me....

Blessings..................