[Jen_in_OH]

Hi.
DH and I have a 3 yo and 5 yo who we adopted 15 months ago. Things are going well.

Our DD is in kindergarten. The teacher says she is on track academically, has lots of friends, and is the most creative child she has ever known. All good things.

I know 5 year olds like fantasy and DD is no different. Here is the problem: She makes stuff up. It's irrelevant stuff. She had her entire afterschool program belieiving that we own horses. We don't. DD loves horses so I'm not sure if this was wishful thinking that led into deliberate untruths. When DD is confronted about these things she claims, "I was just teasing." She seems to enjoy this a little too much. Her eyes twinkle when she is "teasing" us. Sometimes that is the only clue I have that what she is saying is untrue - her eyes sparkle.

We have talked about the importance of telling the truth. She is a kind, sweet girl who wants to please us. Her "teasing" us has decreased. I was just surprised by the afterschool episode regarding the horses. I'm not sure how many other things she says is untrue.

It may not be a big deal, but I want her to stop it none-the-less. Other than The Liittle Boy who Cried Wolf, does anyone know of any books that address the impoortance of honesty? DD responds best when lessons are learned via stories vs. lectures.

Thanks,
Jen

[emjay]

My 5yo DD loves lions, and has told several friends and their parents that we keep a pet lion in our backyard...with details on what we feed him, where he sleeps, what he plays with, and how she takes him out for exercise. It's wistful thinking on her part, and as long as it's an "obvious" fantasy I don't see any harm. She knows truth from lies. One thing we've done to reinforce the difference with her is to say, "I know you really want a lion, but you know that's not real, right?" and "Is that something you wish for, or is it real?" It's seemed to help keep her non-truths only in the fantasy category and not day-to-day stuff.

But if it was more than that, I would want to put a stop to it, too. I wish I had some book suggestions, but I suspect when you find one, your bright little girl will respond - as she already knows that she's "teasing".

[kretzklan]

There is a whole series of books for kindie age kids that teach all the big lessons of life. I know one is on truth and I'm so sorry that I can't think of the name. Let me do a little research.

We have a bit of a truth problem at our house too. We've asked the kids to tell us "real" stories and "not true" stories. It gives them a time to tell these stories that are fantasy and it's become a dramatic time (read-fun) at our house!!!

[kretzklan]

OK - I found a couple...not really the ones I was looking for.

Arthur in a pickle (he's gets caught lying)
and
Is that true? Kids talk about honesty. By Pamela Hill Nettleton

The one we have is called "the virtue of honesty" and it's the story of Pinocchio. So any Pinocchio story may work!

[kretzklan]

Now I found the series...There are three!

The first series is called "a first look at" and the book is called "I'm telling the truth: A first look at honesty" by Pat Thomas (we have this series book on adoption...I really enjoy it)

The second series is called "doing the right thing" and the book is called "I can tell the truth" by Jenette Donovan Guntly.

The third series is "teach your children well" and the book is "Pinkie promise: a book about telling the truth" by Vanita Braver.

There also seem to be some Veggie tale videos that address the topic.
I got all this info from my local library website...try a search at yours!

Hope that helps!

[lovestruck]

My son and his friends who are 7 have been going through this "I was just teasing" phase. Also one of my son's friend's told him that it was only a lie if you let people believe it for MORE three days, what??!!

We have had lots of discussions about what is teasing and what is NOT. Finally the way we left it is like this: if you say something and you allow the person you are telling it to to believe it for more than a few seconds then it's a lie!! For instance, when my son comes home and tells me a whopping story of something that happened at school and I say "really" that is when he has to say, I'm just teasing. If he says no mom, it really happened, then I say it really happened and if he says yes again, it then is a lie!

This has helped tons. My son has even used this as a standard with his friends. It's not ideal I know, but it was a good starting place, at least for us.

[ddahl]

At what age does this start? I have noticed this already with my almost 3 year old. he makes up things and says things happened when they did not. Is this a sign there is more to come with lying?

[GCS]

All the boys in my son's pre-K class do this. Its part of their fantasy play. As long as they arent lying about the important stuff, I don't think it is a big deal.

When he starts to tell me a story I just say "we're pretending now" to let him know that we disclose when we tell a story so people dont think it is true.

I notice that he does this with his friends now too. I dont have any other truth issues with him (lying to us about trival things) just imaginative play, so I dont worry about it. If the lying is extreme and is about more than make believe during play, you may want to look at her attachment.

If not, it sounds like a good time to rent Pinnochico and have a discussion about telling stories afterwards! I think I might do this too!

Christina

[waitinginnj]

I found the "are you telling a story line?" worked. We really focused on figuring out stories and the truth. Sounds pretty typical.