[Abdulina]

Okay, Yana is 11yo and in 4th grade. She wants to try out for chorus. She can't carry a tune in a bucket. Still has the Russian accent and has speech problems. She is good at art and other things. However, singing really is not her forte. She really wants to try out. I just honestly think if she does, the other kids will make fun of her. She doesn't even know the words. I've encouraged other things and she does cheerleading but she really wants chorus. I always wished I could sing but knew I had a terrible voice. She can't recognize this even w/ sibs telling her all the time she can't sing. I don't want her to be crushed when she doesn't make it. and trust me, there is no chance here. Yana is gifted in other areas, but singing is not one of them. How do I handle this one? Do I let her try out and experience failure? What happens if they make fun of her? (she's already had someone make fun of her this week and was crushed) . Don't really know what to do on this one. Anyone dealt w/ this before?-- your child wanting something so bad that you know they can't do? I've tried to say it in a nice way that there are other things to try out for. She doesn't want to hear of it.

Need advice. Thanks. Got to go to cheerleading now. Kids. My oh my.

[kretzklan]

They actually cut kids in 4th grade chorus? Wow...that's one tough music teacher. 4th grade chorus at my school is a bunch of kids who can't carry a tune in a bucket.

My opinion is to let her try out if you have no rules about multiple activities. In my house, you can only be in one extra-curricular activity at a time. So, that would solve that. But, if you don't have that deal - let her do it. I do believe that failure is full of growth!

[pequele]

Originally Posted by kretzklan

They actually cut kids in 4th grade chorus? Wow...that's one tough music teacher. 4th grade chorus at my school is a bunch of kids who can't carry a tune in a bucket.

My opinion is to let her try out if you have no rules about multiple activities. In my house, you can only be in one extra-curricular activity at a time. So, that would solve that. But, if you don't have that deal - let her do it. I do believe that failure is full of growth!

ditto....so sick of hearing these days "everyone on the team wins" "everyone gets a trophy" "there are no grades so we don't diminish kids' self-esteem"....yah know what....that isn't the real world folks! If kids don't learn failure growing up, then how do we expect them to exisit in the "real world" as adults where everyone is NOT a winner.

She REALLY wants to try out? Why not help her with the words? Not neccissarily singing them as you say you can't carry a tune...I'm right their with ya...but at least if she can better pronounce them, she might not get teased. If she doesn't make it as you profess she won't then use that time to show her how great she is at her other talents! Maybe you can get her into a local youth chior at church that doesn't cut kids and she can enjoy learning to carry that "bucket"

[votemom]

well if she's already involved in other activities, maybe adding yet another activity isn't a good idea.

does this choir take place during school or is it extra-curricular?

[votemom]

well if she's already involved in other activities, maybe adding yet another activity isn't a good idea.

does this choir take place during school or is it extra-curricular?

i personally wouldn't tell her she can't sing. my youngest was very off-key when he was younger, but man, did he ever have a song in his heart. he sang constantly. he still does. and he now has an amazingly good voice and is completely on-key. so you never know.

and hey, even if a person "can't" sing, they should still be able to if they love it! so don't discourage her if it brings her joy.

[heartbeat]

If she has the nerve to give it a go and she "realllly reallly wants it mommm", I'd say let her. She may be someone who just HAS to meet every challenge.

One potential problem I see if you say 'no' is she may never answer that burning "what if" in her mind, and may blame you.

Hey, at least it doesn't cost a bundle for equipment like some other things kids want to try. And in 4th grade, I think teachers view it as being about learning to function as part of a group and other lessons as much if not more than being about singing. That's a horrible sentence.

heartbeat

[crispex]

Originally Posted by kretzklan

My opinion is to let her try out if you have no rules about multiple activities. In my house, you can only be in one extra-curricular activity at a time. So, that would solve that. But, if you don't have that deal - let her do it. I do believe that failure is full of growth!

From what I hear on these forums normally, I was half expecting to hear you all try to coddle the child. Thank goodness you seem not to have that opinion.

Let her try out. She really wants to even though others have told her that she cannot sing well. If she gets cut, then she gets cut. If she doesn't, maybe the teacher will help her to sing better.

I agree with piquele, not every child is a winner. They have to experience some dissappointment in order to better appreciate their success. I know these children have already been through a lot in their lives, but since these are activities they CHOOSE to participate in, let them experience the highs and the lows on their own.

[heartbeat]

forgot...I just HAVE to tell you my 2 lame singing one-liners. You never know when you may need them.

---------------------------------

"I used to wish I could sing...now I wish you could."

---------------------------------

Joe: "Say, what did you do with all that money??"

Schmoe: "What money?!"

Joe: "All that money yo momma gave you for singing lessons!"



heartbeat

[Laylasara]

I would not tell her she could not sing. My oldest daughter took ballet classes for years. She was a horrible dancer. My husband and I would want to hide under the seats during the recitals. I even spoke to the director of the school, because I too feared the other girls would make fun of her. But the director advised me to let her dance. Then this fall when enrollment came around my daughter said, "Mom, I am done with ballet. You know I wasn't that great, but it was fun, I got a lot of exercise, made lots of friends and I always felt like a princess in those recital costumes. Thanks for taking me to classes all these years."
I hope this is an attitude she carries with her forever; I say let your daughter sing.

[aimeemk]

You brought me back to 5th grade- I could not carry a tune in a bucket and tried out for the christmas choir at school. I did get laughed at, the teacher chose me for that reason! I can now tell you I sing pretty well according to others. I do sing in my church choir and for weddings. I LOVE SINGING!


I do not think I would have taken it well if my Mom told me I could not sing. My Mom always encouraged me to try new things. I tried for a lot of things, some things I won some things I did not - it is all part of it. If it was something I was not very good at -MOM helped me practice and she was my number one supporter. She never lied (saying I was good at something that I was horrible at) to me or discouraged me in ANYTHING I attempted.




I do agree with the others, as far as too many activities at one time . Maybe that would be a way out of possibly hurting her feelings. JUST MY 2 cents

-a

[ZTALDY]

This too takes me back to the 6th grade when I thought it would be a great idea to try out for basketball. Okay as an adult I am barely 4' 10". I am not athletic at all. I know my parents must have known that I would not make it but I tried anyways. The next year a started track and on my first race ( I ran the mile) I was in first place the entire race until the last ten yards. I remember everyone in the stands cheering me on...I think that they were shocked that this akward little thing was winning the race!

Let her try out if she has the time to commit to it.

A few years ago I tried an adult soccer league. Again I am not very good at sports. I loved it anyways, b/c it did not really matter. The age range was early 20s to fifty year old women. Eventually it got more competitive and I stopped when it was not fun anymore.

Hey and for the record..I am a horrible singer as well. My youngest LOVES to sing he is 2.5 and sings all the time.

[momm2be]

N loves to sing but can barely carry a tune. She figured it out this year at performing arts camp. She loves to sing, but it is far from her strengths. Our decision... let her sing her heart out. She will be destined to the back row of the chorus and dancing rather than speaking parts, but enjoys it all the same... Let her do it... It's too difficult to stop her...Maybe a note to the teacher for a private audition after school???

I also cannot carry a tune... my bro/sis used to scream and cover their ears when ever I opened my mouth to sing. In second grade I was actually told by the head teacher (my neighbor) for the holiday assembly to go back to class, they didn't need me. I cried and clinged to my sister so she let me stay with the promise I would only mouth the words... Harsh?? yep...Am I any worse for the wear in the long term?? no way. Its actually a family joke now about how bad I sing.

[KimOH]

What ever you do, do *not* tell her she can't sing. When I was in school, the 4th grade was the choir in the christmas pageant. The music teacher asked me to just mouth the words because I couldn't sing on tune (I was really trying, but I've never been able to hit high notes!). I have been incredibly self-conscious about singing ever since.

I can comfortably speak in front of hundreds of people, but I have a hard time even singing at family birthday parties or singing lullabies to my kids if someone else is listening (and DH claims I'm really "not that bad.") I used to love to sing, but not anymore.

If you have a rule about how many extra-curriculars each child is in, then I think you'd be justified in saying "enough is enough." But otherwise I would not prevent her from trying out -- and if you're really concerned, I might even talk to the director and say "If you can't find a place for her, I understand, but please don't squash her spirit by saying she can't sing."

ETA: Looks like I had the same experience as Allison only 2 years later (asked to mouth the words). I'm impressed at your resilience, Allison!

[Jim_in_PA]

Let her do it. It's not about carrying a tune...her desire to participate is more important.

[Abdulina]

Thanks for all the advice. I will let her try out but still uneasy about it as right now her emotional state is VERY unstable at best. Remember, she broke down earlier this week b/c someone made fun of her name. She is RAD and though we've conquered a lot, we still have a ways to go. Such a hard decision. And I do think children should fail b/c it is part of life. However, I have to balance if this is the right time given her emotional and mental state right now.

She is taking cheerleading right now but that is going to end. She doesn't fit in. We have a problem w/ most our kids fitting into activities. In our home, you are allowed one activity a season. Well, the girls are on a special olympics cheerleading squad. Too high functioning to fit in there. Here's our problem, are kids don't fit into regular teams yet are too high functioning to be on the "special" teams. They are stuck in the middle w/ no place to go. We've tried the YMCA. Doesn't work. Tried regular athletic teams in our town. Defiinitely doesn't work. Remember, FASer's have trouble w/ memory, cause & effect (can't learn the rules), and poor judgement. And most of ours have multiple issues. And the church youth groups have been horrible. They can't memorize versus for obvious reasons and can't understnad why they can never move forward or get awards. They were devastated the one year. And it wasn't just one church around here, it was many that treated them this way. We are trying to find a balance for them and it is definitely hard. Especially, as they are getting older. And girl scouts is OUT. And I used to be a major girl scout when I was younger. Thought it was great. I asked they be put down a level b/c of their reading abilities and was told they can't do that.

Anyways, I'm digressing. Just fustrated b/c I don't want her disappointment to turn into a rage the week we are leaving. Does that make sense? Yet, part of me knows she needs to try and fail. I told her if she really wants to I can help her write the words down to Twinkle, Twinkle and she can try to remember them. See, she doesn't even know either song to try out w/. And I know the only reason she is trying out is b/c of our neighbor's kid. She is a follower big time. Friend's trying out so she is trying out. Urghh. And as far as coming out directly and saying she can't sing, I don't. However, ALL her sibs tell her that. I'll let you know what happens. Tryouts are Tuesday but results aren't posted until the following week. Just add it to our list of stuff to do--LOL.

Thanks for all the insight. I do appreciate it.