[russia06]

My husband and I are waiting for our second referral, as we had to turn down the first due to possible medical problems and we couldn't get any additional medical information. We haven't really been waiting all that long but it sure seems like it. We started the whole processs in April and now its almost October.
My questions are this - is there really a slow down in Russia and is it something we should be concerned with? Is it more so in the regions than say the big cities - Moscow, St. Pete, etc.? Should we consider switching countries? We really want a son from Russia - but we are frustrated and really wanting a family.
We are being told by our agency that we are at the "top of the list" for a boy - that we are the only family waiting for a boy now. Honestly I am not sure I know what that means either. Oh sorry got off on a tangent there.
Back to the subject - So all of you out there who are seasoned what are your thoughts and suggestions?
Thanks in advance.
RB

[Amysue1112]

Hi RB...
As far as waiting times, it seems there is no rhyme or reason. I think is does help some if the agency has good connections in a region, but even then, the way they are handed out often does not make much sense.

My advice to you...try to relax a little. Our adoption took almost 2 yrs....I wanted it to happen..NOW...no YESTERDAY! But as the months went on, I started to accept the fact that I had no control-and in my belief-when the child that was meant for us was ready, God would send her to us.

After being home with Hannah 4 months, I don't remember the life without her-nor to I even barely remember the suffering of it all. It has all washed away with the joy of our sweet daughter.

I don't think any country moves "fast" so I don't think you should move if your heart is in Russia. But just remember that every day can bring a new challenge, especially in Russia-so try to prepare yourself for the worst case scenario but try to enjoy the hope that lies ahead.

One day, when the time is right-you will find your child.

Take care!
Amy

[beckyww]

We submitted our dossier to our agency in 11/04. Registered in St. Pete 7/05. Referral in 1/06. First trip 3/06. Second trip 5/06.

Six months? Girl - take a deep, deep breath!

Becky
The Woodworth Family in Beautiful San Antonio TX

[tigger44]

Honestly, six months into the process and to already have received one referral is pretty good. You haven't been waiting that long, although I know it feels excruciating. We began our process in March 04, submitted our dossier in June 04, received a referral in December 04, traveled in January 05 and brought her home in August 05.

Also, be sure you are up to date on all the accreditation, NGO news and any effect its having on your agency and your case. We all hope you get some good news soon. Hang in there

[Hopeful_Jen]

Originally Posted by tigger44

Also, be sure you are up to date on all the accreditation, NGO news and any effect its having on your agency and your case. We all hope you get some good news soon. Hang in there

I'm in the process too, so I can't give you info about my wait times... they are so very independent anyway. I can second the above post. The one thing that is affecting your waiting right now is your agency and their accreditation (which needs the NGO registration.) You also need to know, from your agency, what your region's policies are. All that will help you determine whether your case is slowed down because of a slow down (like ours is) or not.

I've been following the NGO / Reaccreditations, so feel free to PM me if you want to know more details.

[Butabzig]

We asked lots of questions about this when we were in Russia almost a year ago. Fortunately we had a WONDERFUL facilitator who was happy to share with us (so long as no one else was listening). I'll try to explain this the way we understood it as short and simple as I can.

The American agency has an in country facilitator. That person is sort of the gate keeper. This person will do all of the communications back and forth with the American agency. Under this main person are in region facilitators. This is the person who has the connections and can help make things happen. Much of what happens will depend on this individual (pray this person has some good relationships). Under this person are more of the worker-bees. Think of the worker-bees as the translators, the "facilitator" assigned to your case, driver, those who take care of documents, etc. There seemed to be a chain of "facilitators". This last one was the actual person who walked us through the process while we were in country.

If you are in a region that your regional facilitator has good relations then things might move a little smoother for you. Not much different than here. You know, the thought process of it's all in who you know. People will help you more if they like you.

That regional facilitator is the one who sends the information about your child to the person who actually speaks with your American agency. So, the individual speaking with your agency only knows as much as the regional facilitator has told them.

Our facilitator who walked us through the process (our worker-bee) does this with several different "agencies" in Russia.

The best way to explain his job is the way he walked us through our process. He received our paperwork and went around to all of the differnent places before we got there on our first trip to make sure that everything was in order (our dossier) for us to travel. This could take up to a months time (just for our one case). Once everything was straight he told the regional faciliator who told the big guy to call and have us come. Sometimes they can give more warning because the way their workload is going but other times the paperwork might all fall into place faster than expected. Just like working with documents with our government. After we arrived and did all of the in-country meeting of the child and signed that we wanted the child he sent us home to so he could get back on the paperwork trail. This was mostly petitioning the court for the adoption and waiting for a date. During the wait time he would start the process for another family or bring another family back into country for court. Sometimes working the time frames out could get a little tricky. Once they received the court date we returned. Again, sometimes they might get a good notice of when court would be and sometimes a few days. Similar to our own legal system. When we returned for our three weeks he spent that time working with us to complete all of the documents along with visits to the child. Keep in mind there is LOTS of paperwork. During that three week time he worked only on our case. He told us that is why they were starting to send some families home during the non-waved court time. It allowed them to move forward with another family.

After we left he would pick right back up with another family. This would be whoevers paperwork was ready for court or a first visit. They went right down the list.

He told us that there is so much that goes on behind the scenes that we don't see. So much in trying to get paperwork completed. Keep in mind that they still do a lot of paperwork by hand and every office doesn't have a fax machine. This means driving documents around town. Anyone who has been in Moscow can tell you that sometimes you can walk somewhere faster than you could drive.

This is just how it was explained to us when we were in country. I know it's confussing. It took a lot of questions for us to piece it all together. I can't say it's the same for every agency but from what he told us, this is how many work.

DH and I said that we wished someone would have explained this to us while we waited. Just to understand what is going on can help the process be a little more bearable.

Do hang in there! Your day will come! I remember thinking I would do all of my paperwork just right because I wasn't going to be hung up in these messes everyone else got hung up in. WRONG!!! EVERYONE gets hung up in them and there isn't one thing you can do except dream and wait.

[doozer22boys]

Our whole adoption took almost 2 years as well. We didn't even get a referral until a year after we started with our agency. We turned that one down and didn't get another for 2 more months. It was very hard to wait. Then we went on trip one several months after we accepted that referral and had to wait a very long 5 months to go back on trip two. Just try to look at your waiting as a lesson in patience. I know it sucks, but I figured it was happening for a reason. Hang in there. Unfortunately this process has much waiting involved. Just when you think you don't have to wait anymore...you're in for another round of it. (As a sidenote, most of our agency's countries are having slow downs, except for Ethiopia.)

[his,mine&ours]

We are in month 15 of our journey - over 6 months since our dossier was registered in our region. We don't expect a referral for a while, because of the NGO/accred. issues. Do you know if your agency is accredited, and has their NGO? There is a general slowdown in Russia, though things are still moving depending on where your agency works and the status of their accreditation.

We've also thought of changing countries, but currently believe that we will see things happen in Russia before we could get all of our paperwork redone and registered in another country. The wait is definitely difficult, but I would do your research to see if you would really gain much by changing. Realistically, what is a few months, if you have your heart set on a little boy from Russia.

[angelkisses0102]

So much depends on your agency and their current status as well as your region(s) and the connections that your agency/facilitator have there. In the current state of Russian adoptions...you are actually doing pretty well.

The other side of the coin...which country is not currently having slowdowns? Guatemala appears to headed for a major slowdown(stoppage?) per a Hague related meeting yesterday...China has tremendous waits right now (looking like a 2 year process at best)...S Korea is strongly encouraging domestic adoptions and has slowed down...Ukraine is on hold from registering new families I believe. Those are all the biggies...Kaz has long in country travel. Vietnam is a pretty long wait as well. Or you take your chances on a newer program...like Krygastan. A poster here just brought home the most amazing little girl (9 months old) from Krygastan. Plus, factor in the time to get a proper new dossier...for a new country...what other countries does your agency do...how much would you lose to switch agencies if yours doesn't have another program yu are interested in? Lots to consider...

If you feel your son is in Russia...I personally would stick it out as long as you have a good agency and feel comfortable with them. Good luck.

[SingleMama2B]

What "Butabugzig" wrote is exactly what I learned from my agency and facilitator while in country (my two trips)!! I saw ALOT of the behind the scenes while there, and it was amazing! Also, keep in mind..... Russia doesn't communicate UNLESS there is something to say!!! This was a hard lesson for me.... I am use to dealing/working with people that would give updates, summaries, status reports (in my job), and when I would email, etc. and NOT hear anything back for DAYS on end.... it drove mem crazy! Also, while in country... I really didn't know what my schedule would be the following day, until that evening. They would sit with me in the lobby of my hotel, and give me instructions for time to be ready to go, and what to bring with me for the day.... Also, my DD's orphanage was a 62 mile drive from Moscow city, and took up to 4 hours one way, so once I left the hotel at 7AM, I didn't return there until 8 or 9PM at night....

It will be hard.... but patience is a big lesson with this journey.... it is THEIR TIMING.... NOT YOURS!!!!

Blessings.............

[Chris3148]

I think we can all feel your pain here. 6 months into the process I was feeling the same way and Russia was starting the whole law changes/reaccreditation mess of 2004/2005. We thought about switching agencies and countries, but thought "is the grass always greener on the other side?". Who knows if it was, but we waited it all out with Russia and our agency.

It took us over a year for a referral, over five months to travel on trip #1 due to MOE problems, and then 6 weeks later we became proud parents to two amazing little girls. All in all-two years and one month! Honestly, all the pain of waiting disappears once your child is home. I still have resentment towards some of our process, but my heart has healed and is full of love for our two little ones.

Good luck on whatever path you choose.

[GCS]

Six months is not that long to wait - especially since you have already had a referral. We adopted in 2004, before all the changes when things were going "fast" and it was 10 months before we got our referrals.

Follow your heart. If you feel drawn to Russia for your son, then stick it out. I would think you are going to have to change some paperwork and start the wait all over to change countries at this point. There is no saying you will be home any quicker from another country right now.

Good luck!
Christina

[happyhome]

It sounds like your timing is very fast to already have a referral and be on the top of the list for a boy. Our process has been relatively quick and we will bring our boy home almost exactly one year after we registered with the agency.
I felt at times that I would just explode from the frustration of waiting. There are a lot of great threads here on staying busy during waiting time though. One thing I wish I would have had more time to do is to learn more Russian. It is so helpful when you travel to know the basics. Also, if you're up to it, you could decorate the baby's room, find a pediatrician, work out possible daycare, look into insurance coverage, read toddler and attachment parenting books, create his lifebook, etc.
Like the other posters said, just because you are waiting doesn't mean your adoption isn't moving forward. There are lots of people working every day to get you your child.
I hope for a quick process for you, but best to dig in and prepare for a bit more waiting.
Good luck!

[lakimnafite]

For us, court was 12 days short of three years from the day we signed up with our agency. We signed up back when they were still saying you could complete your adoption in 6-9 months. We were 35 1/2 months!

I very much remember hitting the 6 month mark and being very frustrated because I had just hit the 'window' of time when I could have my daughter home. Little did I know, she wans't born yet, and wouldn't be born for another year....

Now she is home and I can't imagine any other child but her. It will happen. There are lots of factors that cause the delays, but eventually we get our kids home.

Hang in there and best of luck!

[marjo]

We signed up back when they were still saying you could complete your adoption in 6-9 months. We were 35 1/2 months!

Boy can I relate. When we went to our agency seminar they told us we could have a baby by Christmas (less than 6 months). riiiight. Our adoption took 22+ months. Unfortunately the days of bringing home babies in 6 months are gone. But even with all the delays and unexpected bumps in the road, it is SO worth it.