[Pinkie]

Mel, take your time, it will all come naturally eventually......

I bathe with Antonina at night (its a great mother and daughter thing) or shower at night when she is sleeping......Just for the record I used to be a strict two shower a day girl and couldn't understand friends who didn't .

I have all supermarket food delivered to the house once every month or so.

The nights I don't bathe with Antonina are spent doing the ironing. Antonina loves playing in the bath so has long baths, I can get about 30 minute ironing done easily. And the new golden rule is to absolutly NOT iron anything unnecessarily!!

Bulk cook....I'm amazed at what can be frozen for another day.

As someone else said, YES frozen pizza and cold cereal DO count as dinner every now and again!

I could probably list a few more but to be honest Mel, you will find your new YOU, it just takes a while. It was a shock to me/my system, I prepared as much as I could but the unexpected will always happen.

One of my unexpected things was the financial aspect. I'd always earned a good wage and never gave things like paying the mortgage a second thought. Once Antonina was home I found myself staying up at night worrying if I can make the payments. It may sound a bit daft but the financial burden all of a sudden became huge.

I don't have the family support as they all live so far away and if I'm honest I turned my back on friends support to an extent. This was my decision, just think attachement, bonding, people not understanding the way we do things, coupled with my slight depression cloud, anyway, I was way out there on my own for a good while and it was really hard but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I didn't crumble. Now, nearly 10 months on, I feel happier, more relaxed, my feet feel lighter when I walk, I catch myself smiling but it all takes time and patience.

Schedule is the be all and end all for us. Trust me when I say this, Antonina needs it more than me. The sooner you get a schedule worked out the sooner things will become easier.

I had an au pair for the 3 months of summer and it worked out wonderful for me. 'K' was someone that I soon trusted and knew I could rely on to be where she was meant to be. I was very comfortable with her being in the house and we had an idylic 3 months. Antonina took it bad as didn't want a third person interfering in our lives. She had 'K' running around in circles and me standing there red faced and shaking with steam coming out my ears but sometimes you just have to look at things as a comedy act to get through them .

[erickk]

I'm not a single mom in the true sense--but DH and I both are single parents for stretches at a time.

Things we do to make it easier to get things done:

Showering/getting ready: we have one of those walkers that have little things to play with. We put it in the bathroom in locked position (this assumes she cannnot climb out); allows you to stay close and chat

Or take a tub with your baby--you both get clean and you get to bond.

Cooking: The bottom 2 drawers in the kitchen are filled with plastic containers and other child safe kitchen things (wooden spoons, etc.) They are far enough away from the stove and although I have to pick every thing up it gave/gives our sons something to do. We also keep a laundry basket of toys in the living room that we can drag to whatever room we are in.

If I need to cook (and therefore cannot put DS in the sling) I put him in his highchair and give him a little snack or little toys to play with. That way I can talk to him while I cook.

Live in a "gated community" We have the usual baby gates for safety but also have a couple of the tension ones. So, if I am folding laundry or cleaning in a particular area I close all the doors except to DS's room and the one I am in and gate off the end of the hall. That way he cannot roam while I fold laundry, do house work, etc.

I know this sounds odd--but if you work on the computer and occasionally need to do that with your child in your lap--go to some resale computer store and buy a cheap mouse and keyboard--cut off the chords and they can mouse and type away on their stuff and you can get your stuff done. This has allowed me to get work done I needed to get done and still hold our kids in our laps.

Get a sling to hold your child in. Leaves your hands free.

Get one of those headsets for your phone. Leaves your hands free--so you can do 3 things at a time (hold your child, talk on the phone, mix babyfood--probably while a load of laundry is being washed ).

Nothing like multitasking!!

Good luck Mel. Hope you have found some useful ideas.

Karen

[momm2be]

I didn't bring home a baby, but sometimes I think it doesn't matter.

Step one -- find a single mom's support group. Not to put any one down.... but single mommyhood is way different than having a hubby who works crazy hours or travels alot. At least with the hubby, there is a reprieve, even if it is 5 minutes at the end of the week. There is someone to answer the phone, someone to help with other things like home maintenance that just pile up. Believe me -- being recently married, I am living the easy life now, even though I still have all the child care responsibilities, just having another adult around is security.

Finding single mothers will be priceless. Also finding single friends who like kids and don't mind being around yours is a necessity. I was lucky with a single neighbor who Nat is mesmerized by and was willing to give me 15 minutes of breathing time by entertaining her at her house.

Other tips...

Longing for that shower?? bring them in the shower with you...at first I thought it was awful, than it became very efficient to just pull her in the shower with me

tired? -- take them to bed with you, I didn't fight the sleep alone battle until way later

Give up trying to do it all... at the end of the day, nobody cares if everything is put away... you just need to be able to find your car keys and a clean shirt for the next day.

If you can afford it, hire a cleaning lady

If you can afford it, by pre-made meals (like supper supers or monterey gourmet)

At some point -- about 6 months home, I put my foot down, and pushed the routine of an early bedtime. You absolutely need to find some time at the end of the day to unwind.

Realize that your child will live by different rules... as I explained to my mother many times, my DD has to be more flexible because she is the daughter of a single mother and sometimes there are just no options for her to stay home when the grocery shopping needs to be done, but she still needs to behave when out... 6 pm meltdowns were not tolerated. I may be cruel, but I dragged her everywhere, evening if she was screaming, because we needed stuff, and life doesn't stop. I got the evil looks, the nasty remarks, but get strong and forget about what others think.