[jimpol]

Our son was adopted from Russia over 3 years ago at 17 months and when he started preschool we started to have difficulties. It has become apparent to us that there are some attachment issues.

I know that there are a lot of good resources on this board that are dealing with attachment issues and therapy. I'm hoping to get some good info. We finally have sought out the help from an attachment therapist and had an appointment last Friday. They told us about a lot of different types of therapies that they use.

What therapies have been the most effective for you?

Did anyone have any insurance help with these therapies?

Has anyone done Neurofeedback?

Any kind of advice that you can offer would be appreciated. The therapist said we were already doing some really good things in our home, but our biggest worries are at school right now. We don't want our son to be the "bad" kid, which is what the teacher already wants to label him. Thanks.

[Lorraine123]

You may want to post this on the special needs forum as you will find many parents there who have used all types of therapy.

We used neurofeedback with our daughter. We did not have success, but that doesn't mean I don't believe in it. It just didn't work for her at that point in time. Go for it.

But, neurofeedback is not a substitute for attachment therapy. It can enhance the therapy. It can open the brain to accept attachment. But without the attachment therapy, it really doesn't accomplish much.

I am a firm believer in attachment therapy. Be sure the therapist is a true attachment therapist, otherwise more damage is done. The child cannot have any control over what happens in therapy. And be sure you are always present. The child should never be with the therapist alone.

Let me know if you have any questions.

[angelkisses0102]

I will echo Lorraine's statement...your therapist must be a qualified attachment therapist. Check the therapist list at Home if your therapist is not listed, email Kelly from there as she has additional therapists which are not listed...she will need your area code and since you already are using someone...their area code as well. You may also want to join that list serve (at radzebra)...and ask this question...as well as asking it where Lorraine mentioned it here. Those folks over there and on the list serve have a wealth of knowledge and experience.

Good luck...

[jimpol]

I will post on the other forum. Just to clarify - I am using an attachment therapist recommended by The Attachment Disorder Network people.

[mikeintexas]

If ADN recommends the therapist, usually that is a very very good place to start. Did your therapist give you a list of therapeutic approaches s/he uses? Our therapist uses a number of different treatments, but the approach he uses is dyadic developmental psychotherapy (look at its description on wikipedia). We have not used neurofeedback or other things yet since we just started. It's a very very very slow process.

I'd recommend you get on the listserv at the attachment disorder network's website. That listserv has saved me in many situations.

Our therapist is NOT in our insurance network, so we had to go through special approval to get it paid for. They aren't paying for all of it but we did manage to recapture some of the cost.

You will find on the listserv that there was just a discussion about school. Most of us do not deal with school issues. What happens at school is for them to deal with. We equip the teachers with the information and knowledge (which they initially think is useless) at the beginning of the year. We will conference on e-mail and on the phone. But the school is to handle school issues. They do not get brought into the home. Last year...they did. And it empowered my girl so much that she made it difficult on all of us. After all, she got ALL THIS ATTENTION for her behavior at school... attention that was negative and consistent with the way she sees herself. So this year, the teacher is on her own. Note: attachment-disordered children do NOT respond to motivational stuff like sticker charts. It's yet one more way for them to manipulate your (and the teacher's) attention to both good and bad behaviors (e.g., they remain in control).

You will eventually get over the "bad kid" concern. If you realize what a disadvantage your child had when he got home, sometimes those things take awhile to get past.

Go to the special needs board (as Lorraine suggests) for more info.

And always PM if you have questions.

What I've learned is that the process of figuring out that a child has attachment issues is in fact a process, and it often takes going through a number of different approaches to find a mix that works.

Mike

[Lorraine123]

I agree with what Mike said about school. Eventually you learn to get over what labels others will place on your child. That isn't what is important. Attachment and trust are the most important things to develop in your child's life. Your child may be labeled "bad" and worse. But what the teacher thinks isn't important. Leave school issues at school. It is the teacher's responsiblity to work that out. You have enough to do at home. Focus on that.

It is really hard to get past what others think, but eventually you make it. Never totally. I still think about what others think, but I have finally come to peace with the fact that it ultimately doesn't matter.

ADN is a good place to go. They have helped me greatly.

[jaydee]

Jimpol:

Would you mind describing what kinds of things made it apparent, when your son started pre-school, that he has some attachment issues? Our toddler son has been home nine months and we are considering pre-school for him next year. I don't really know how to measure whether he has attachment issues or not; also I didn't know if you meant that going to pre-school itself triggered some issues or behavior. We go to some "mommy and me" type activities at which my son does seem a little more antsy than the other kids.
Thanks.