[mgwurster]

Hi all,
Hope you don't mind if I pop back over from another board to get some input. I used to read this board daily when we were adopting from Russia and there is a wealth of info here that you can't always find on other boards.

We have a bio son at home, age 5.5, and up until now have been trying to adopt one child. We've been in the adoption process for almost three years now, and I don't know if I can go through this again (for several reasons) once this adoption is finished. So, we are considering the idea of adopting two at once and they would most likely be siblings, however I have many concerns.

I would love any input from those of you who have adopted more than one that already had one bio child. I like to idea of bonding with one child at a time for us as well as my son. I'm concerned that the two children would have such a close bond, and that it would be difficult for my son to bond with them. I think, and have been told that eventually they would be fine, but I'd like to hear real life experiences.

Thanks so much,
MW

[kretzklan]

Our bio son was 8 when we started this adoption. Our first referals were bio sibs, but after meeting them I could tell that they were not bonded as we think about siblings. However, we lost those angels and were given the referals for our children now - boy, age 7 and girl, age 6 - non-related.
Our experience is that is was tough. Our bio son really felt outnumbered many times and in the beginning our two new ones bonded mainly over language. They would want to sit and chat in Russian and that, of course, left older boy out completely. We've been home 9 months and I can honestly say that each month has changed the dynamic. The biggest issue I think we have now is simply 3 children. It's very hard for 3 kids (and I work at a school...this is true in nearly every situation) to play nicely and fairly together. There is always "ganging up" - 2 on 1. It's sometimes boys versus girl and sometimes youngers vs older...it just depends on the moment.
But, all that said...our lives are pretty normal now. (even I have a hard time believing that)...all three children have settled into their family roles - We have the bossy oldest child, the peacemaker middle child and the dramatic youngest child...I love how close in age they all are, as they are really, literally "Growing up together" - going through things together and all.
Be sure your bio is ready to be emulated (nearly all the time)...it was hard for him to become OK with two people (especially bro) who want to dress like him and talk like him and walk like him...but that really is a great compliment!

OK, I got a little off topic...I hope that helped in some way!

[sainttj]

We adopted bio brothers 3 1/2 and 2 and had two bio daughters (5 and 19 - at college). The first three months were tough -- everyone had to get adjusted... the boys to having a family, having a big sister, speaking english, etc... our daughter to having two little brothers, sharing mom and dads attention, sharing toys, etc... us to having having three kiddos who each wanted all of our attention, to the increased noise level ha ha ha

The boys have been home for 16 months now and life is good -- noisy, but very good! I think the boys being brothers and always having each other made their transition smoother. We too, like kretzklan, have the bossy oldest, the middle who plays well with either, and of course our youngest is the baby (although he is as strongheaded as our oldest LOL). It does take time to adjust and attach.

Hope this helps and if you have any questions, please feel free to email me.
Tracie