[kellypmomof3]

I was wondering if anyone who has adopted a child in the 3 1/2 age range,has any advice for making it a smoother transition.

[Chris3148]

First congrats!!!!! Do you have a trip #1 date yet? What region???

We adopted two siblings at once but our oldest was 3 and 1/2 when we brought her home. I'll tell you our experience with her.

She is a very smart little girl and willful! We had a lot of younger toys for her to play with, but really she could care less about them she wanted age appropriate toys. She loved anything that made noise, had buttons, and that she could manipulate. She also loved dolls, playing with her kitchen set, and looking at books with real life photos in them.

We did take some Russian classes and learned some basic Russian. It helped sooo much. She was very frustrated not being able to communicate with us, but she learned English quickly.

She really loved to be cuddled and hugged. She also loved when we sang to her and did some fingerplays.

I won't lie, the first two months home with her were miserable. She had many temper tantrums and wanted to be the boss.

But at 4 years old now, I love her to pieces. It is so great when you adopt a preschool aged child they are so willing to learn and really understand so much more than you thought they could. It is so much fun to watch her learn and it's the best feeling in the world when she rubs my cheek and says "I love you". I think this age is amazing.

Good luck to you!

[MominPA]

Congratulations!

Our son was just three when referred.

He was completely potty trained when we brought him home and never regressed. We were told to bring pull ups and diapers, but only brought pullups and underwear since diapers are easily available in Moscow. We only had pullups on him at night and the plane ride home. I brought a travel potty and a folding potty seat. He preferred the potty you sit on instead of the seat you put on the toliet.

On our first trip we brought a photo album of us, his brother, the outside of our house, his room and pets. While waiting for our 2nd trip we sent photos to our agency of us with him and they forwarded them to Moscow. Our coordinator put them in the album for him. We got the photo album back with the exception of two photos. The caregivers asked if they could have them.

We brought a small toy, animal crackers and some water. At first he didn't know how to drink from a straw so juice boxes were difficult. He was drinking out of a regular cup. Our first son too at age 19 months was drinking out of a cup and when I gave him a bottle with juice I was told he was too old for a bottle.

I did learn some basic Russian. I used Tersea Kellher's CD and brought the book and CD with me. It helped alot. He quickly learn to understand what we are saying and his English is coming along. I think he should be speaking more then he does so I have a appointment schedule for an evaluation later this month.

We were told they explained to him that he was going to America and they found his mommy and daddy. We haven't had any attachment issues and seems to be bonding with us fine. He started daycare last week and is doing good so far, but it has only been a week.

While in daycare it is evident how much younger he seems to be then his other classmates. He was placed in the 3 to 4 year old room since he is now 3 1/2. He seems to me to be more like a 2 1/2 to 3 year old compared to his American counterparts.

I made sure while in Russia I was holding him as much as possible, he sat on my lap while I held his hands and went "up and down", he loves roughhousing (ie tickling, bouncing up and down on my stomach). We play peek a boo. I brought simple word board books and we read them. He likes to color and play with cars.

This is such a great age. I love when he takes my face in his hands and looks me in the eyes and gives me a kiss without being asked. He is such a sweet kid. There are times when he can drive me crazy with whining, but I am hoping that will lessen once he can use words more.

Best of luck.

[GCS]

Hi! Congrats on your referral.

We were referred a boy who had just turned 3 and brought him home at 3 years, 2 months.

The trip home was really tough. He just didnt understand things like having to wear a seat belt or airport security so he was confused and over stimulated. We had a lot of temper tantrums at first.
The first 3 months are wonderful in many ways and are hard in many ways. I would say the first 3 months are the hardest.

The wonderful things are all the new discoveries. The first time he went into the swimming pool (he wanted to take his swimsuit off and go in the big bath - it took a lot of explaining) the joy on his face everytime he discovered something wonderful, pizza, sand between his toes, toys, the mall, Santa, Grandpa... the list goes on. Every day was filled with these magical moments of discovery. He was so filled with joy most of the time.

The hard part of those first months is communication - he was used to being understood and was frustrated that he couldnt communicate with us as he wanted to. The overstimulation. We really tried to keep things simple for him. We got a bunch of toys before we brought him home from showers that were thrown for us. We put most of them away and tried to make his life as simple as possible and introduce things slowly to him. Going out was tough. He didnt understand any of the rules and needed to be taught everything from social ettiquite to dont eat gum you find under the table. You forget how much there is for them to get into when they've never experienced any of this before. Attachment was a struggle for us for a long time. Part of his temper tantrums and rages were because he had lost so much already in his short life and he needed to learn to depend on us and trust us and our love.

He learned the language so quickly it amazed us. He was considered language delayed in the orphanage. We had him EI tested at 3 months home, so he was three and half then and he tested in the 75%tile of all children 4-7 years old for language and speech. He was off the charts after 3 months.

I stayed home with him for the first 8 months and then went back to work part time. He has been in daycare/preschool 2 full days since then. He was behind at first - especially socially - I could easily see a difference in him compared to the other kids. Today he is in the advanced class for his age group. He is definitely a leader and is very social. We call him the mayor because he will organize a group in any setting to play a game - even with older kids.

We attachment parented him. This is very important. I recommend you read Building the Bonds of Attachment before adopting and plan on attachment parenting your child. There are many wonderful links with good information about this at the top of this forum if this is a new concept for you.

We have been home 22 months now. Sam is a wonderful well adjusted kid. He is well loved by all who know him. He's come a long way in this time and it was hard work for all of us, but so worth it.

We hope to adopt again in 2007 and plan on going back for another child in approx the same age group.

Please pm me with any questions.
Good luck,
Christina

[Hopeful_Jen]

Congratulations on meeting your future daughter. I have no words of wisdom for you. I just wanted to wish you a speedy return for court so that you can bring home your "Russian Princess" soon!

[MominPA]

I thought of another thing that helped out alot. Bring an umbrella type stroller. I bought a used MacLaren stroller since the weight limit on those are 55 lbs. I didn't know how much he would use it.

It was very benefical in Moscow. We walked every where, Arbat Street, Red Square, etc. Also it was useful at the airport when we were waiting on the long lines. I didn't have to worry about him running off on me. I still use it today when at the mall so I can shop more efficiently . I also bought a jogging stroller for when we go on our long evening walks together. He likes pushing the stroller for the last 1/4 mile (he actually holds on to the safety tether) and it is another bonding thing we do together plus he gets his last bit of energy out for the day.

[mom2M&A]

We adopted 2 at once and our youngest was 3.5 when we brought him home. I'll vouch for the overstimulation in the airport. Finally a nice Russian lady let my son sleep on her lap and that was the only sleep he got for the entire 26 hour trip. Our 4 year old was much better.
Bring an umbrella stoller. Our little guy wanted to either be carried or in the stroller.
If you can line up a translator at home before you go. We did this and it was the best decision we made. We knew quite a bit of Russian but for the dr. and dentist appts you will need when you are back it makes it much easier on your child. and they will talk on the phone to your translator, some days I would just call Tatyana and let the boys talk to her. It calmed them down alot. Be sure you like whoever you get as a translator, because your child will probably grow to love them too. We used her alot the first month and a half and after that the kids understood enough english for me to comfort them.
After 4 months home my little guy still wants to be carried alot so get your back it shape for the weighlifting. he goes to preschool now with his brother, but I think he'd be just as happy to stay home with mom. at that age they aren't too into other kids.

[leeinmemphis]

The youngest was 3.5 years old. He was also 95% potty trained... pull ups at night and just a few "here and there" accidents for the first three months. The language barrier was the hardest thing for us -- so I agree to have a Russian interpreter perhaps to meet you at the airport when you come home and then for the first doctor and dentist appts. William was very cross eyed so he had surgery about two months after coming home so having our friend speak russian to him at appts and before surgery was priceless to us!

He was and still is very active -- with two of them they were like wild monkeys -- everything was so new and exciting! It was a very good age for us (our other child that we bought home was 4.5 years old) -- neither my husband or i are "baby parents" as we like to say... we're probably the only two people on earth who dont oooh and ahhhh over little babies -- so we particularly liked the ages of our boys.

Good luck! its a lot of fun but a lot of hard work. I will say that the first three months were absolute hell and we gradually found our new normal at about a year or so....

alli