[ATHiker]

I can only speak from my Trip one experience. I was excited when I got his photo, but very clinically trying to analyze his features. I'd decided that I would be detached and clinical when I met him... for Pete's sake, I'm a nurse and have dealt with thousands of children!! Why would this one be any different? Riiiiiight!

When they handed him to me and he started to cry, that was it. Something weird happened inside. I pulled him close to me, kissed his hair and was absolutely GONE. So much for clinical detachment!! I didn't even pull it together enough to remember to measure him until the second day, and even then forgot to trace his feet.

I get a little teary thinking about it....

Kim

[Pinkie]

The first time I met Antonina I was afraid she wouldn't want me as he mum and the reality really kicked in on what I was doing!!!.....Safe to say I was shaking in my shoes!!

[johnandrayann]

I guess love wasn't the first thing on my mind...it was just relief. After carrying around those two little pictures for 8 months, I was just so relieved to finally see them walk through the door of the director's office. I just thought - FINALLY!!!

[kimtenn]

Our adoption journey was one affected by the slowdown from Dec. 2004 through May 2005, so by the time I saw our Charlie in person on trip 2 (DH went alone on Trip 1), I was pretty numb after the two fallen through trip dates and all the delays. I think I was trying to protect myself by not feeling anything. I had seen Charlie's pictures, and thought he was very sweet, but the fact I was his mommy hadn't sunk in yet, even when I saw him the first time.

I remember the first day we visited Charlie, I was so shook up I wore two different earrings to the baby home. I remember just being scared that after all the delays that the adoption would fall through. I was really almost afraid to love him at first.

Plus, Charlie had lost weight and had been recovering from bronchitis between trips 1 and 2, which worried me since I could still hear him rattle when he breathed.

The first few days, little by little, I realized I loved this little guy, and once we got him home safe and sound, I could breathe easier. Then the mommy love really started to kick in.

I remember the first time I finally knew I was in love was when we had been home a few weeks. I had kissed Charlie while he sat on the changing table, and he kissed me back on the cheek. It was so very precious and sweet. I hugged him and started to cry. I knew then I was a goner, and have been ever since.

[MustangLippy]

Unfortunately I remember just feeling nervous and worried. She looked so tiny and delayed. She moved strangely. I kept asking DH "how do you feel?", "what do you think?" as though I was trying to gauge how I should be feeling.

In retrospect I was just on automatic pilot. Kinda numb, very confused.

And I do remember asking myself "can you love this baby the way she deserves?"

MustangLippy

[Sipper]

It was very difficult when we met our Gracie. We had received another referral 6 months previous and had 3 separate visits with that baby. She was smily, happy, playful and loving. When we lost that referral and were sent to see Gracie she was shy, withdrawn, would not make eye contact and was uncomfortable being touched. We believed we were sent to her for a reason so did not even consider turning her down. I can't even begin to explain what a miracle being sent to her was now. She is the most wonderful, happy little girl. Those first moments can be so deceiving. DH and I will still look at her and can't believe this is the child we met in that baby home.

[Chris3148]

With our girls it was love at first sight.

We were in the director's office when they brought our oldest in. She was wearing a plaid dress, had the biggest red bows in her hair, and the biggest cheeks we had ever seen! She looked at us with scared little eyes, then one of the caretakers asked her to take Mama's hand and lead us to the gym room. She took my hand and stared at me with those big gray eyes. I started to cry. (Picture attached)

We met the little one about a half and hour later. They brought her into the music room. She stood at the door and they told her to go see Papa. She literally ran into Dh's arms and hugged him. He started to cry. (Picture attached)

Although it was love at first sight...the first night after court I wondered will this really work???? They had fevers, congestion, were scared, and cried almost all night. Thank God things are better now. We love them to pieces!!!

[emjay]

We were cautious at first. We had met and ended up turning down a referral a few months prior to meeting Danny, so we were trying to protect our hearts a little. But, once we met him (it was one year ago last week!!) we knew he was the one and started falling in love with him. After 4 visits on trip 1, we felt like we were leaving a piece of our hearts behind. But we were fortunate to go back one month later.

Now, my heart overflows when I just look at him. When he hugs me and says his version of "I love you", I'm putty in his hands!

[nancyral]

We had blind referrrals, so I don't know if that made a difference. We were introduced to two girls, one with severe FAS, one who became our daughter, so it was difficult since we knew right away we'd be turning down one referral. I think I was keeping my feelings in check since we'd been through so much (TTC, failed IVF, one referral yanked from us) so I was cautious. HOWEVER, About 2 a.m. I wanted to leap out of the hotel bed and go "spring" her from the orphanage.

Curiously, the second trip I felt very little. They had cut her hair really short and she was almost punch-drunk falling all over herself the second time we saw her and I began to fear that we'd somehow missed some FAS signs. I went home unsure. Then, I went on the third trip with my fingers crossed and the minute we saw her I was sure.

So, all in all, a roller coaster. But now that we are home I couldn't be happier.

I hope this helps someone who goes on trip two and doesn't feel what they think they should.

[mjkkbbr]

I chose somewhere in between. My DH and oldest son had gone on trip one and Anna was very excited to see her new Daddy but was very wary of me. That was kind of hard. Being pushed aside for a few days and having her very possessive of Dad made bonding harder. She has been home 3 months now and still prefers DH but is definately attached to both.

Adopting an 8 yo was also much harder than our previous adoptions of a 13 month old and a 21 month old but I would still do it all again. I highly recommend older child adoption. Our transition has been way beyond our expectations.

[Sally26]

I was busy doing an assessment... Her head is small, she looks alert, but reserved. She's 6mths. old, but the size of a three month old, why does she have her hands in fists (later with observation she did this when she was insecure)... It was love at first sight, I had already fallen in love with her referral picture, but it was more like an out of body experience. Very surreal.

[randytenn]

I'd have to agree with my wife. Due to the numerous painful parts of our journey to parenthood (ectopic, which almost killed my wife, failed fertility treatments, massive delay in adoption, cancelled trip), I was truly shut down emotionally, Plus, because I traveled alone on the first trip, I tried very hard not to attach to this little 13 month old boy on the first visit. I didn't know if he would pass the medicals, if my wife would like him, etc.

But, as our visits continued, and as he began to warm up to me, I started to become attached to him. I remember at one point writing my wife, telling her that alot of the pain I had been carrying inside for so long was gone.

Then, on the second trip, he did something that capped it! On the first trip, I kissed him, and he didn't really care for it. But then, I started kissing him on the forehead, and he liked it, and would lean in for another kiss. It became a game.

On the second trip, when we went to the orphanage, I let my wife hold him first. He was a little overwhelmed, with people around, and this new lady holding him. Then, I took him, and he continued to look around. Suddenly, he looked in my face, smiled, and pushed his forehead forward for a kiss. At that moment, I was a goner.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't love that little boy more!

[happyhome]

Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences! I'm sitting here at work with tears running down my face. This process is just the most complicated, special way to fall in love. I can't wait to experience it!

[Waiting2Be]

I chose other, for my dh is was love at first site, for me, I was so nervous and worried about the diagnosis and the head size and paid more attention to those things than falling in love. But now home with her 8 weeks, I couln't love her any more.

[Ktates]

count me in the - completely dumbfounded, somewhat detached, still trying to process that it was all finally happening group...I sort of think my brain kicked out my heart at the orphanage door...and in retrospect - i think my daughter felt the same about us!!! but we had decided to accept the referral and on day 2 we all had a great time.....by visit #3 DH told me "I love her already"...