[susanandgrace]

I'm sure that a lot of you have adopted after having your own biological child. I have some underlying medical conditions that could cause my body to not carry a baby to full term. That an the fact that I am 37 (and my husband is 43), makes me not really want to try to go through a pregnancy again.

If any of you have been in these shoes, can you please let me know what your experience is.

Grace is our only (biological) child. She is 2 1/2, but we would so love for her to have a sibling. If we choose adoption, we would love for her to have a sister.

[doozer22boys]

We have 2 biological boys and we adopted 2 girls this past June. They are biological sisters. We did not ask to adopt a sibling group...it was just God! We said yes to Lilia's referral (18 mos old at the time) and 2 weeks later the agency called and said they had some shocking news. We couldn't imagine what it was. They told us Lilia had a 3 1/2 year old sister, Regina! ...And would we like to adopt her as well? So...that's how we ended up with 4 children.

My husband had a vasectomy several years ago because we knew we were done having biological children. But we had the dream to adopt for years so we knew if we ever wanted more children we would go that route. When our youngest son was almost 4, we decided to pursue this dream. It took almost 2 years to complete it and there was much heartache along the way....but we finally accomplished our goal!

We are happy most days, but we are definitely a bit overwhelmed right now. I think it has more to do with the number of children we have than the fact that they're adopted. I am struggling a bit with my biological ties to the boys being stronger than my adoptive ties to the girls at this point. I plan to see an attachment therapist for myself in the next few weeks. But it has been mostly a positive experience for us.

Good luck!

[Aphi86]

We have a bio daughter who is 8 and tried for 6 years to get preggers again. I was 36 and DH was 39 when we decided it was more important to be parents to another child than to birth that baby! My only regret is that we waited so long! We adopted a toddler girl who was 14 mos at referral and 18 when we brought her home. It has been the single best thing we have done as parents for our 8 yr old.

[beckyww]

We have three bio DD ages 15, 12 and 10 and then added Julia, age 6, to the mix. I think already having children in the home is a real advantage. The "new child" has built-in role models and sees the dynamics of how a family works.

Becky
www.woodworthfamily.blogdrive.com

[karenjoe]

Yep! Bio son age 4-1/2 (trust me I'm NOT allowed to forget the 1/2) and adopted a little girl this past Nov. She is 21 months old now. It is definitely a different experience than having a bio child. I thought in the beginning it would be easier (not an easy pregnancy). Alas I was wrong. However, what an amazing experience! We are still acclimating at our house, but our son and daughter do get along great! Best of luck!

[MustangLippy]

We have a bio son, age 4, and our DD, adopted from Moscow region, is 19 months.

Their relationship has always been much more natural than our initial relationship with our daughter and her to us. There were no attachment issues with the sibs, they bonded immediately and have a very normal relationship. She follows him around tryng to be him and depending on his mood he either wants to send her back to Russia (!) or laughs so hard he cries.

Pretty typical.

I think they've been good for each other. Our son has a playmate and is no longer the center of the universe, and our daughter has role model and an ally.

MustangLippy

[RainyInGA]

Our story is pretty amazing when you stop to consider we were done with our family! (well, HE was! )
Two bio boys 10 & 13. We came across a little girl who needed temporary care, so we became certified foster parents with the state. She ended up being reunited with 4 other siblings so we went about our crazy life and ended up fostering several more baby girls who ended up leaving. It ripped our hearts out! So then we met kids from church from Russia. BAM! We are somehow on the track to Russia! In the end two years later, we have the most amazing 3.5 yr old daughter!

The boys adore her and the age difference is actually a blessing, they love her in ways I never couldve dreamed for.
I think if theres room in your heart for another child, that most things take care of themselves.

PS I AM still waiting to slug the first person who asks if Im her grandmother!!! so far so good!LOL

[lovestruck]

We have two boys and are in the process of adopting a baby. When we started my older son was almost 6. He heard my mom and I talking about adoption and asked what it was. When we told him what it was he asked right then if we could adopt a baby. The next day he went to the library at his school (he was in kindergarten) and checked out a book on Russia. He pesterd us daily to find out if it would happen or not. When we told him we were going to do it I have never seen a child so excited!

I can tell you that I have fallen in love with a child that I have never met just as you do when you are pregnant. My boys are as in love with a sister that will come from Russia just as if they would be if I was pregnant with her.

Good luck, I hope you chose adoption to add to your family!

[Amy2U]

I'm an adoptee, but thought I'd share about both bio and adopted sides who adopted after having biological children.

My birth mom, she had me, relinquished me, then 2 yrs. later, got married, then after 15 yrs. of not being able to have children with her husband because of his medical condition, she says, they adopted. Her husband is Ukrainian, so they adopted a boy from Ukraine. My bio. blood has Hungarian, in it it, so then they adopted a girl from Romania, 2 yrs. later, but, both children are the same age. It's funny, the boy looks like my bio. mom's husband, and the girl, kind of has my bio. mom's face. What a match, eh?

But, well, my bio. mom she loves her adopted children, and when they are 18, she's even taking them back overseas to meet their biological relatives, and for the kids to learn about their backgrounds. However, she wants nothing to do with ME, and noone except her sister knows about ME. Thankfully though, my baunt, loves me and wants me in HER life, and I'm comforted with that, right now.

Then there is my adopted parents. They already had 2 boys, 12 and 8, when I was a foster baby in their home. Then 2 yrs. of being fostered, they decided to adopt me. But, it was my DAD'S decision, not my mother's. She only intended to foster me until I was placed in a home, but my dad said, "we are keeping this baby." He even called back to his parent's and said, "I got my baby girl." With my deformities and health problems too.
Unfortuneatly, because if was not a MUTUAL decision, the next 18 yrs. were filled with emotional and physical abuse from my mother, and sexual abuse from her father, (my grandfather) which, last yr. I found out from my brother, who happened to remember some details, my mother k new the WHOLE 4 YRS. that her father was molesting me.

I guess my story, is kind of sad, from both perspectives, but I think it is GREAT, if you and your husband BOTH want another baby, and the feeling is MUTUAL, 100%, and you KNOW, that you KNOW, that you KNOW, your adopted child will be loved and cared and treated JUST LIKE your biological child, YOU'LL BE THE BEST PARENTS IN THE WORLD to that child and you'll have an AMAZING family who will touch the lives of many by your love and devotion to 2 (or more) children biological and adopted in the SAME WAY, with the SAME LOVE.

It's a big decison, I THINK to adopt after having a biological child. I know, in my case, being an adopted child, with the past that I had, it would be hard for ME, personally, to adopt after having my biological children, because I'm afraid of treating the adopted child differently, not on purpose, but out of how I was treated differently. So, I can't go there, atleast as of yet.

But, many parents, including my old counselor, who, I love with all my heart like a dad, has 2 adopted and 1 biological, and I always tell him, "I wish you had adopted me, and I had been in YOUR family."

Some people can, EMOTIONALLY adopt after having biologically, some people shouldn't, like my parents did.

I guess you have to know in your heart and your husband's heart what the best thing is for you both emotionally, and for your family, and for your biological child.

I'm rambling. Hope it gave some insight and helped.

[kretzklan]

We decided to adopt as a first avenue (didn't really want to be pregnant again) when our bio son was 5. We went through a two year ordeal during a major Ukrainian slow down. We decided to stop. The adoption topic did not come up again until...
My aunt called one day in April 2005 (our son was now 8) and told me that if she could do her whole life over again she would only change one thing. She would give her son a brother or sister. As she was getting older, she realized that he would be alone someday...she didn't want that. Within three days we had applied, received referals and paid our first installments. I guess adoption and growing our family had never really left our minds...the decision was so easy.
We are home 8 months now with a now 7 year old girl and a 8 year old boy. Transition was tougher than I imagined...alot was due to language at their ages.
Our oldest son has gone through growing pains - one day loving having sibs, the next day "not so much"...pretty normal stuff!
But, we knew there was room in our lives for more children and adoption was indeed the right path for us.

[SingleMama2B]

Hi "SusanandGrace"....

I am a single adoptive MaMa to my DD, who came home from the Moscow Region 18 months ago.

My sister and BIL adopted a daughter 2 weeks after me, and they already had a bio daughter (16), and bio son (12), when they adopted Sasha at the age of 8.2 years old. The older children adore their little sister, and she loves them. It has NOT always been a smooth road for the family, but everyone grew into their new roles.

I can imagine that with your Grace being soooo young, you may only have to deal with her realizing that she no longer is the baby of the family, unless you adopt a daughter that becomes her older sister!?

Blessings on considering this Journey!!!

[mikeintexas]

We adopted our daughter at age 5 when our bio boys were 2 and 6.

[mjkkbbr]

We have three bio sons ages 11, 9 & 6. We then adopted from Korea twice, girl age 4 and boy age 3. We just brought home child #6, an 8 yo girl, from Russia.


Having a child by birth is different than adoption but both are incredibly wonderful ways to build a family.

[emjay]

Our bio DD was just over 3 when we started the adoption process for her little brother. We brought our son home late last summer at 12 months, and DD was 4.5.

Definitely a bumpy transition, but almost 11 months later we have just the "normal" sibling issues - they love to chase each other around, and also annoy each other at times. DS wants to do everything she does. She now dotes on him, too.

Our process was 17 months with many ups and downs, but hardest was leaving DD when we travelled to Russia. She was with her grandparents and we felt comfortable with that but missed her like crazy!

Good luck in your decision.

[Butabzig]

We have a ten year old bio dd. We adopted our 4 year old nine months ago just before turning 4. Our 10 year old wasn't too sure about this new sis. Ten years of being an only child and oldest grandchild was pretty good to her. From the moment we got off of the plane with the 4 year old it's been beyond amazing! The 4 year old couldn't take her eyes off her new sis. They are now best buddies!!!