[Abdulina]

Okay, this process drives anyone nuts even if you've been through it several times before. Dossier is complete w/ the exception of psych eval (which we're waiting till the last minute to do so that it won't expire) and the homestudy. NOw, our sw has been done w/ our homestudy since the beginning of May. It has just needed a director sign off. I've been promised for weeks that I'm top priority. Okay then. Now being told again next week. Urghh. Once we have this homestudy then we get a date! Trip one. I can't give details obviously on here about our situation and the future child. Let's just say it is different than most and leave it at that. This has made my week. Okay, little sarcasm here b/c w/out that, I wouldn't survive.

And now, for the rest of my week. You probably won't believe some of this. But here goes. I found out my older girls had not taken a bath for 5 days?!?! What!? I was livid last night. Couldn't believe it. They are 13.5 and 10 (almost 11)yo. They thought the pool counted! What? I kept saying. What? How could they think the pool counted as a bath? My husband and I commented on how their hair just seemed so oily and greasy lately and chaulked it up to the chemicals in the pool. Thought I'd buy them some conditioner. Yeah, they really needed a bar of soap. I'm still furious. And how, as their mother, did I not realize this? How on earth did I not realize this? I guess I just thought w/ all the bathroom activity and towels that they were getting a bath. I feel like such an idiot.

Continuing on the hygiene front. Having to go back and watch each one brush their teeth again b/c they were slacking. No big deal. Last check up...all 5 kids, no cavities. I'm thinking to myself....but how? They must be doing something right.

Okay folks, this may be the most disgusting of it all. My 7yo son, whom I've told you about before, wet his bed teh night before last. NOw, I KNEW something had happened b/c I happened to be up that night w/ an upset stomach myself. The boys room is directly above our master. Yeh, I know, big mistake on our part w/ that location--LOL. Heard alot of commotion but no one came down the stairs to use the bathroom. I thought it suspicious but since I was sick myself, didn't read too much into it. Then, the next day, I let Bojan go all day. Gave him every opportunity to tell me. He asked for water and I lost it. Let him knew that my "sixth" sense of motherhood had kicked in. Told him how could you. I wanted him to come to me, tell me he wet the bed, and deal w/ it. But NO. He hid it all. Room stinks. Trying to air it out. He hid his smelly soak and wet underwear in his brother's dresser---YUCK!!!! So had to wash a dresser full of clothes. Will someone tell me why on earth this child is doing this??? Honest to goodness, I swear it is laziness of not going down the stairs. NOTHING is medically wrong. Trust me. Had him all checked out. He is doing this more frequently again. And here's what gets me. He's up dry, then wets the bed. It's a conscious decision folks!!!! Please help me w/ this one. Doc has no idea why either. He's 7.5yo. Rubber sheets don't work b/c he does the orphanage rock and they have been ripped several times. --the rubber sheets. Just beyond what to do w/ this one. Tried talking, punishments, rewards, shame, etc. Shame actually seems to work the best. He IS doing this on purpose by the way. He is not waking up wet. He honest to goodness just doesn't want to go down the stairs. he knows it is fine to do so b/c all his sibs go downstairs to use the bathroom at night. Staircase it lit up & so is the hallway to the bathroom. And he is not afraid of hte dark at all. Now, at his orphanage, he was not allowed to get up at night and use the bathroom. But he is well aware that it is okay to do so here b/c he's done it before. Urghh. Please any suggestions or advice is welcomed.

Next on list. Hmmm. In-laws think dh is ready for a nervous breakdown. What?! Thinks we are too hard on the kids. Don't understand. Think we are making these problems up. Urghh. For a refresher for some, here is a little of what we deal w/.....FAS/ RAD/ ADHD/ PTSD/ OCD/ ANxiety/ devel. delays/ MMR/ anger management/ missing limbs/ fused kidneys/ emotion problems, etc. Of course they are going to act different for a day or so while visiting. What kid doesn't?? Doesn't help that hubby has never really explained issues to the family. Hard situation b/c mother in-law and I do not get along at all. No exaggeration here. Haven't since we got married. So he has to walk a thin line. At a loss at what to do w/ this one. Okay, 11yo son is going through transitions. He's starting to get hormonal and w/ the medications he's on, they need to be adjusted. He was getting excessively aggressive again and we knew that was a red flag. So neuro and I are on good terms by now and she'll even ask me what do you think is happening here. (have read a bit on FAS by now--LOL). We knew we couldn't send him anywhere until we had his meds adjusted. They wouldn't know what to look for. Plus, we don't reward bad behavior in this house. Medicine change or not. You have to know right from wrong. So, he could not go. Well, in-laws think we are using them as punishment--urghh. It's reward. Not punishment. All will get a turn to go. Girls have already gone. I'm going insane here folks. Any ideas on this one?

Okay, to top off my week today, Alex woke up w/....chicken pox. Yeh, it's going to be a fun week. Doc said no pool and keep him comfortable. dh is still trying to figure out if he had chicken pox or not. Won't know abou thte other kids until it shows up on them. As you know, the medicals aren't worth the paper they are written on. Alex supposedly had chicken pox. Yeh, okay then. Sorry for the sarcasm but it's been a trying week. So we are going nowhere for a week. Has to be scabbed over before we can go anywhere.

Next fun thing. My 10yo just informed me this morning that she thinks she's getting her period. What?! My 13.5yo has obviously filled her in over the last few months. I now have to fill in the truth. Please, someone trade with me for the day--LOL.

As for the adotpion front, still waiting on the homestudy. That and quickly trying to think of some more fundraisers for next month. I know we'll find a way b/c she has to come home. No question about it. Still hard when you are saving every penny and going nowhere and things happen. like dh car dying and him replacing it w/ a geo metro. Now the geo seems to be having major problems. wE just needed it to last a year. It's been a month. When it rains, it pours. Still don't know what we are going to do about that. I know we'll figure something out. It's just been a fustrating week and guess I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening. Any any suggestions on some of the situations listed above, do let me know.

Wish me luck as my family is in "isolation" mode this week.

[KimOH]

I'm sorry you're having such a tough week. It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate.

I'm also sorry that Bojan is wetting the bed and hiding it. If he's truly doing it on purpose that will be very tough to fix, but (I can't believe I'm admitting this) I wet the bed until that age. There was no medical reason and I most assuredly was *not* doing it on purpose. It was a frustrating time for both me and my mom -- but thankfully, I eventually grew out of it.

My DS (5.5) is also a bed-wetter. He's a very deep sleeper. He's getting better and now he'll wake up *as* he's going instead of after (so I guess that's a step in the right direction.) We have taken to waking him up in the middle of the night to make him go. He's not always happy about the disturbance, but we just say that until his body learns to wake him up when he has to go, that's what we need to do. It has helped to "train" him, I think...and now if we're running late, sometimes he'll wake himself up and go before we get there. Perhaps even if Bojan is doing it on purpose he'll dislike the middle-of-the-night wake-up call and start trekking it downstairs.

Rubber sheets haven't worked for us either because they rip too easily, but we have found two things that do. 1) waterproof quilted mattress pads and 2) waterproof crib liners.

The waterproof mattress pad is quilted on the top and usually has stretchy stuff around the sides, so I think it "gives" more than the rubber sheet as the kids roll. It has to be laundered when it gets wet, but it does save the mattress. We've never had one rip.

We had a couple of the waterproof crib liners from when DS was a baby (intended to go between the crib sheet and the crib mattress). Obviously they're not big enough to cover the whole bed, but one night we laid one cross-wise over the most vulnerable spot on the bed. It worked. Since it's not stretched tight across the bed, I think it also gives more than a rubber sheet would.

I don't envy your week. And I hope the chicken pox don't spread around your house. (I've heard some people can get them twice and the vaccine is only about 80% effective.) May this week go fast for you.

[SingleMama2B]

Hi Stephanie... I wish I could help ya out... but tooo far away I am sure that Anya would be in Heaven with all of the kids

As far as Bojan.... have you tried having him wear the boy night diaper training pants? I can't remember what they are called, but are the ones that potty training are used for. They have them for night-time. My Mom's step-granddaughter has a medical condition (she is 9 years old), and has to wear them.

Maybe these would be good for Bojan. Not making it easier for him, but you had said that the 'shame' factor was big now... this could be added, and maybe this will get him coming down stairs!?!?!

I hope that the Pox do not hit EVERYONE in your house Especially you DH!!! That would really stink!

I am EXCITED for you and DH about receiving your travel plans shortly. Cannot wait to hear all about your DD (to be). She is certainly ONE VERY SPECIAL and BLESSED Girl to have you and your family be her FOREVER FAMILY!!!

Blessings, and take alittle time to yourself (maybe a bubble bath with a glass of wine )

[HollyB]

Stephanie,
Oh no. What a week. Deep breaths.
When I'm overwhelmed we call a family meeting. I let it all out. I tell them I am only one person and although I am the mother, this family works as a team. Here are the problems we all need to deal with. How are we going to get through this. Listen to them. If they feel their opinion counts they may step up. Other children can help your bed wetter. If one gets up at night to use the bathroom, get him up and take him with. I have four bed wetters here, so I don't know any solution, except time. It sounds as though he is wetting purposefully and then that is another issue. Good luck. Wish I could give you big hug right now!
Holly

[Abdulina]

Thanks guys. DH just called and said his parents can't remember if he had chicken pox when he was younger or not. Urghh. He doesn't think he did. The week gets better and better. Cancelled the family portraits for tomorrow. Also, was supposed to go to a Lemur Research center today w/ the kids for fun. A later date.

Thanks for the bedwetting tips. We've tried the pull ups and Goodnights they have out. We really talked to him last night and tried to find out why. We said do you wake up wet? He said no. We said then you are dry and then jsut wet yourself. He said yes. So he is awake and then does it. We said why not come downstairs and use the bathroom? He just shrugged his shoulders. So he's not waking up wet, that's for sure. But the bad part of this, is he wakes up dry and then is doing it. Still a tough one to crack but I know we'll get there.

Sorry to have vented earlier it has just been a rough one for me lately. We've already had story time today (do this everyday after lunch). Now hanging out. They are all playing. Girls outside. No spots yet...YEah! Alex is starting to get a little itchy but not too bad. Hopefully, it will stay that way.

Thanks you guys. Now, I'm going to try to get creative in the craft closet for the next week and see what easy projects I can come up with. They are already drawing pictures for their new sibs. Also thought we'd make some type of muscial instrument. Any ideas to keep different aged kids busy, throw them my way. We'll do okay the first few days but after that, I think cabin fever will set in.

Have fun this weekend. I do think that glass of wine sounds good--LOL.

Take care,

[doozer22boys]

Stephanie,

Oh my goodness! I can't complain about my week when I read about yours. I am so in awe of how you handle everything. You have a right to vent once in awhile. I'm actually glad to see that you have problems too.

A couple activity ideas for your cabin fever week. You should make a chicken pox cake if you haven't done this already. My 9 year old son had the pox last summer (even after having the vaccination as a 1 year old). Someone told me to make a round white cake, ice it with white frosting, and cover it with those red hot candies (the little tiny circle ones). You can have the kids help and they actually love it. Then take a picture of your chicken pox child with the cake.

Also, I don't know if you've done these activities, but I was looking at the website Karen posted and it's got some great ideas for fun things to do for attachment.

http://www.attach-china.org/

Go to "attachment activities" and scroll down to the game section that promotes attachment. I think the m&m hockey sounds pretty cool myself. There were some other cute ones mentioned too.

Good luck!!

[Amysue1112]

Hi Stephanie!
I don't have any words of advice...because...well, I have a hard time keeping up with one! And if YOU of all people don't know the answers, I SURELY know I don't!
But one thing is for sure...you are a great mom, and doing a fantasic job with your kids. They are so lucky

Here's hoping that your home is free of all "spots", clean kids, a relaxed husband, and clean sheets very soon!!

[k8c]

No apologies allowed for legitimate venting!!

Stock up on Aveeno oatmeal bath, breathe deeply and vent here as often as you like. (See, I'm v. generous on the venting b/c I know I'll need it one day... ) You could even just sit at the computer and pretend you're busy venting if you need a five minute break.

It's great no one will miss school because of chicken pox. And, I love the chicken pox cake!

kate

ps It's now officially the weekEND. Surely next week will be better.