[votemom]

to all my wonderful forum friends and support group -

it's time i gave our update on sasha.

we found out in early may that it would be very unlikely that the government was going to allow us to bring him home.

we know, for sure, as of two days ago, that our journey is at an end.

he has been taken off the list of eligible adoptable children and will never be put back on.

i'm trying to find the right words for how we are feeling. it's affecting us in different ways. my husband is heartbroken and frustrated. my 16 yr old son (who met sasha and yuri 2 yrs ago when he went to russia with me) is angry. my youngest son is ready for us to start a new dossier for the child we will adopt because he is certain that if it's not to be sasha, it's to be someone else. my daughter (almost 20) is trying to encourage and support me.

after spending 2 1/2 years trying to complete this adoption, it's hard to imagine NOT being in the process anymore. "the process" has become part of our lives.

our home is remodeled and prepared for him... every day we look at the big map of russia in our kitchen and his photographs (yuri's too) throughout our home... message boards and websites are checked daily (usually multiple times).... emails are sent to our agency and to other parents-in-waiting... paperwork is redone.... paperwork is redone.... paperwork is redone.... back to the doctors for all of us... new HIV tests for 4/5 of us.... drives to the state capitol for more apostilling..... more notarizing than i can count.... fingerprinting 3x.... orders for more marriage and birth certificates.... more calls to social worker for changes and updates to the home study.....and so on and so on and so on.

the daily fabric of our lives has largly been focused on a 7 yr old boy in siberia.

as emotionally exhausted as i am, as depleted as i feel... it never ceases to amaze me how the fresh tears spill every few days. even as i type this, they stream down my face as i come to face the reality that it is over.

we don't know if there is another child that God has for us. it's too soon to make any final decision one way or the other.

but it was time for me to let all of you know what has been happening.

to those of you who have so compassionately and faithfully prayed, i am humbled and so very thankful and touched.

for all the emails and pm's and phone calls - thank you.

you are, in essence, strangers to me - and yet, you are, very dear friends.

a very special "spaseebah" to mike - i guess i do not have the adequate words to express my gratitude for your words of encouragement and your prayers.

and to my blago friend down south - i know God brought us together for a reason and i am so glad He did. when you think of me, please hug "your sasha" tight, give her a kiss on the neck, and say a prayer for "my sasha". two precious children, from the same little siberian town, with now, two very different lives. but both held dearly and securely in the hollow of His hand.

there are so many others i could name that have meant a lot to me, but i hope you will understand if i end this post. i need to go find something else to think about to help me take a break from this topic.

as my signature says, i am votemom, forever altered by a trip across the sea. i would not trade the last two years for anything - it has been a privilege.

and since, there is no chance that this boy can never be adopted outside of russia, i boldly post his picture and share his sweet face with all of you!! i guess there is no chance i can get in trouble now.

thank you again.

[angelkisses0102]

My heart is broken for you all...Sasha is a beautiful child.

Trust God...and His plan...I will continue to keep all of you in my daily prayers. I am so, so sorry for your pain.

[klk88]

Words escape me.... I will pray for God's continue strength. My heart is sad but I am so grateful Sasha and Yuri have you and the love your family feels for them. I know you will also be their Mama. When times seem unbearable, I just quote my favorite scripture over and over... Jereiah 29:11..."For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper and not to harm you and plans to give you hope." May the God of hope surround you, your family and your friends. We are all touched and changed by your love for Sasha and Yuri.

[mycodybear]

There are no words to express the miscarriage of justice, morality, and decency in this situation. I am so sorry for you, your family and poor Sasha. It is so sad to imagine that you have tried so long and so relentlessly to bring him home to have your journey end this way. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this very difficult time, and of course Sasha will be in my prayers as well. What a beautiful boy.

[praying4rlittl1]

I have faithfully followed your story from the Guate board. I am just completely at a loss what to say so I will just say this. I am so very sorry. So, so sorry.

[PamelaC]

I am so sorry. We will keep Sasha and your family in our prayers.

[Amysue1112]

I keep typing then erasing...I just can't find the words. We are grieving for your loss...tears are falling all around the US...we love you VOTEMOM!!
All I can do is shake my head...I cannot imagine how you must be feeling writing this post-and yet you write it, because as always you are so concerned for others, and you wanted to let us know what has happened. Thank you for thinking of us, even in your deepest of sorrows.
Thank you for sharing Sasha's picture with us...know we can see the face of the boy that has stolen our hearts. Now we will see the face of the boy that will always stay in our prayers.
You have such a strong faith, and I am so glad that you can rest in the comfort of our Lord. I just wish we could understand His plans for us. But that is one thing we KNOW FOR SURE.....GOD IS IN CONTROL....and we can only hope that he has magnificient plans for little Sasha, and for you and your family.
Please know we are all here for you...you have become a pillar of strength for all of us, and it is impossible to thank you for all you have done. Please keep in touch...heck, let's have a VOTEMOM yahoo group!!
We love you and will continue to pray for you and to ask the Lord to heal your heart.

Your sister in Christ,
Amy

[kcgirlinfl]

My heart is breaking for you and your family. I can't even begin to imagine your pain. You will continue to be in my prayers as God leads you down a new path.

[Katie63011]

Votemom-


My heart breaks for you and your whole family. I know that God has a bigger plan for all of us, but it is so hard to understand. May your whole family come to peace with this news.

Katie

[ATHiker]

While I've always been touched by your story, today's update moved me to tears. I'm so very sorry for your loss... and sorry for his loss of a wonderful family as well. My you find the strength to move on to the new things God has in store for you as you grieve this beautiful boy.

As always, you remain in my thoughts and prayers.

Kim

[Wendrew]

Oh votemom. I am heartbroken for you and your familiy, and sitting here crying for you all. We are all here for support.

[kimber413]

I am so sorry it has come to this. You, your family, and Sasha will be in my prayers. Take time to heal, then you can think about your next move. It's been a long two years. You are entitled to shed tears.

Take care.

[Mandy4President]

Dropping in from the guat board...

So sorry for you. What a long and difficult process you've had. Losing a referral is hard for anyone no matter what country, I'm very sorry for your loss and I hope that you are able to find the child that is meant for your family.

[mikeintexas]

You know I've spent hours praying for you... God got a pretty good lecture from me on the lawn tractor last week. But He's big and can take it. I personally don't have resolution on this matter. I am still praying for him to come home. God loves Sasha and will protect Him. I know He will.

I always end up at Romans chapter 5. This one is for you my dear friend...

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

Mike

[Lo-la-la]

Votemom - Votemom, my special friend . . .

After reading your update, I don't have words right now . . . but if you could see my heart, you would know that it is so, so heavy.

I will send you an e-mail tonight from home.

God, Votemom needs you right now - please go to her and comfort her as only You can . . .