[qs mom]

I'm in the Buffalo, NY area. There in areas where there is still alot of shift work. They're within about 5 miles of my home. Not right around the corner, but workable.

I've lucked out. My son was kicked out of 2 daycares. His kindergarten teacher adores him. Her daughter has just started babysitting him after school - he's on 12 month programming - and it's working out fantastically!

She heard so much about my son from is mother all school year, that she really had a good idea of my son's special needs.

Just really look around. I was given a lot of great suggestions on a thread a few weeks ago, when my son was kicked out of daycare. Maybe you could look it up.

One was going to a local college, looking for students in the teaching program, social worker program, early education program. They'll need the experience! Maybe a church group.

Join support groups. Meet othe parents. Maybe other adoptive parents in your area have a stay at home parent in their family.

Join the support groups anyway. They help tremdously.

[sak9645]

Au pairs can be a good idea, if you work with a good organization.

"Au pair" comes from the French words for "as an equal". Basically, when you agree to take on an au pair, she is supposed to be treated more like a member of your family than like an employee. In other words, she sleeps in your house, has meals with you, goes with you on outings, and so on.

Au pairs are usually young women in the 18-25 year old age range, either from the U.S. or from overseas. Good au pair agencies screen them pretty carefully, try to find a "good fit" with a family, take care of visa issues (for those from overseas), and provide some orientation. Some get the women CPR certified. Some keep in close touch with the au pairs to ensure that they aren't homesick, facing culture shock, or having problems with their host families. Some have local events so that the au pairs they place in a given city can socialize and share their experiences.

The au pair can be expected to do things like babysit, make a simple meal for a child, drive a child to and from school or activities, help a child clean up his/her toys, or assist with homework. She is NOT a housekeeper or maid. Most au pair contracts require that you limit the person's work hours to 45 or fewer per week. Host families provide the au pair with a weekly stipend. Au pairs are usually given 1.5 days off each week, at least one full weekend off each month and two weeks paid vacation during the year.

Financially, you pay a weekly stipend to the au pair, plus an agency fee.

Many families rave about their au pairs. They love having an energetic young woman in their household, not just helping, but being a role model and "big sister" for their child. When the au pairs are foreign-born, they love learning about the young women's culture and helping them to learn about the U.S. They like the flexibility of having a live-in person, if they have to make a quick trip to the supermarket or have irregular hours. And they like the price, which is usually much lower than a nanny would charge.

But there are downsides. Some Moms don't really like handing too much responsibility to an 18 year old. As an example, do you want an 18 year old driving your child in a car? Especially if she's fairly new to U.S. driving? I sure don't. I hire driving babysitters who are older and long experienced behind the wheel.

Some of the au pairs will become homesick, will have problems involving the young man back home or some new young man met in this country, will wind up with health issues, etc. Some of the host families will wind up having to function as parents to the young women, and not just to their own children, which sort of defeats the purpose of having them.

Some host parents will find that they simply need their privacy too much to enjoy having an au pair around. When they come home from work, they don't want to hear the au pair's music CDs or some TV station that they don't like, don't want to smell someone else's favorite foods being cooked, and don't want to find that someone has just taken a long shower and used all the hot water.

Some host parents will find that their au pairs don't have the same standards of cleanliness that they have, or are too noisy, or too moody. Some will find that their au pairs don't understand the type of discipline they use, don't model good English for their child, and so on.

But, the fact is that au pair programs have been around for a long time, and many are approved by the U.S. State Department for placing overseas young women.

So if you want to consider an au pair, by all means ask around in your community. You will probably find people who are using a particular organization, and who give it a big thumbs-up for its service.

Sharon

[Rhyleigh]

First: Don't panic. It won't help you find a working solution and it won't make you feel better, either.

Second: Be grateful. Most of these tricky questions have already been answered by the brave women who came before us - those who pioneered the concept of "Women in the workplace" are also responsible for discovering innovative childcare solutions.

Three: Your options include (but are not limited to) the following:

1) KinderCare or a similar felxible drop off/pick-up child care facility.

2) Co-Abode: w w w . co-abode . com This website is a not for profit organization that helps single mothers find other single mothers to live with - the goal being shared living expenses as well as cooperative childcare options.

3) If you have a spare room in your home (or can make a spare room with some shifting around) then consider renting the room to a college student for childcare in exchange for rent. This would help a college student who is struggling with expenses and it provides you with 20 hours a week of FREE LIVE-IN childcare (live-in childcare can be a lifesaver if you are ever stuck in a traffic jam, or you are forced to work overtime or your child is sick at school, or in any kind of an emergency).

4) If your job provides enough financial freedom you might consider sponsering an Au Pair to live in with you. Usually they are cheaper than a live-out Nanny and they often do light housework while your child is in school. They are often contientious and caring people who would not have the opportunity to live and work in the U.S. without a sponser like yourself.

5) You might also consider placing an ad in the local paper for a Nanny-Share arangement with another family who also needs part-time childcare on an irregular basis. For example, they only want childcare in the morning 2 -3 days a week. You could use the Nanny in the afternoon (after school) until you get off from work. Again, you would be helping another family while helping yourself at the same time.

6) In many of the larger cities there are often childcare co-opts that you might be able to join. Since you get off of work at 4 every day of some of the weeks in a month you might be able to provide much needed "gap-sitting" (Afterschool until 6 or 7 pm) in exchange for the same until you get off at 10 pm. In this situation you might have to agree to either pay for some of the extra hours of childcare or commit to providing more than the standard amount of coop childcare - but it's still an option.

7) Don't forget that there are often volunteers at church (or whatever) who can offer a few hours of childcare a few days a week. Check your community senior citizen resources for more information.

WARNING: Be very careful about using a teenager to "babysit" for more than a few hours a week. Remember that teenagers are just really big KIDS and they are about as reliable as any other child would be. I have always thought that its unreasonable to expect a child to behave like an adult more than 2 -3 hours per week. No matter how much of the the financial burden would be reduced by hiring underage childcare - the savings is never going to be as valuable as the life of your child.

[SingleMiamiMom]

Hi, I am single and also hoping to start the adoption some time this fall. I am waiting on my US citizenship which I started back in January.
Anyway, I work the evening shift at a hospital...so my only option will be an au pair being my parents live about an hour away. I actually will be living in a one bedroom condo when it's time for the homestudy..so I'll eventually have to sell it and buy a townhome close to work with an extra bedroom for the au pair.
Adopting a child won't be easy, but it's from my heart and I'll make the changes and sacrifices necessary for him/her... and so will you...