[58grace]

I know someone must have a list of behaviors that describe normal attachment and behaviors that indicate attachment problems. Can you direct me?

Thanks,
Paulette

[mikeintexas]

What age child Paulette?

Here is a general list:

Symptoms of RAD in Children

Superficially charming and engaging, particularly around strangers or those who they feel they can manipulate

Indiscriminate affection, often to strangers; but not affectionate on parent’s terms

Problems making eye contact, except when angry or lying

A severe need to control everything and everyone; worsens as the child gets older

Hypervigilant

Hyperactive, yet lazy in performing tasks

Argumentative, often over silly or insignificant things

Frequent tantrums or rage, often over trivial issues

Demanding or clingy, often at inappropriate times

Trouble understanding cause and effect

Poor impulse control

Lacks morals, values, and spiritual faith

Little or no empathy; often have not developed a conscience

Cruelty to animals

Lying for no apparent reason

False allegations of abuse

Destructive to property or self

Stealing

Constant chatter; nonsense questions

Abnormal speech patterns; uninterested in learning communication skills

Developmental / Learning delays

Fascination with fire, blood and gore, weapons, evil; will usually make the bad choice

Problems with food; either hoarding it or refusing to eat

Concerned with details, but ignoring the main issues

Few or no long term friends; tend to be loners

Attitude of entitlement and self-importance

Sneaks things without permission even if he could have had them by asking

Triangulation of adults; pitting one against the other
A darkness behind the eyes when raging

See this thread:

How Many are dealing w/ RAD????

Mike

[mikeintexas]

And here's another one (courtesy of angelkisses):

Infant Attachment Checklist Copyright by Walter D. Buenning, Ph.D., 1999



Symptom Examples

Adoptive moms share examples from their children’s daily lives. Just a few of these symptoms may indicate a problem. Please consult with an attachment therapist if you have concerns about your child.


On Dr. Buenning's website, you may download a pdf file and print this checklist as well as a separate symptom checklist designed for children ages 5 years & older. Each symptom is on a continuum from 0-10. Individual symptoms may present from mild to severe.


Examples are coded by age at adoption (a. ___months old) and by the child’s primary pre-adoptive care (FC=foster care, OR=orphanage.)




1. Cries; miserable all the time, chronically fussy
2. Resists comforting or nurturance
3. Resists or dislikes being held
4. Poor eye contact or avoids eye contact
5. Flat, lifeless affect (too quiet)
6. Likes playpen or crib more than being held
7. Rarely cries (overly good baby)
8. Angry or rageful when cries
9. Exceedingly demanding
10. Looks sad or empty-eyed
11. Wants to hold bottle as soon as possible
12. Stiffens or becomes rigid when held
13. Prefers being held with back toward mother
14. Does not hold on when being held (no reciprocal holding)
15. When held chest to chest, faces away
16. Does not return or reciprocate hugs
17. Generally unresponsive to parent
18. Cries or rages when held beyond his wishes
19. Overly independent play or makes no demands
20. Reaches for others to hold him rather than parent
21. Little or reduced verbal responsiveness
22. Does not return smiles
23. Shows very little imitative behavior
24. Prefers Dad to Mom
25. Gets in and out of parents lap frequently
26. Physically restless when sleeping
27. Does not react to pain (high pain tolerance

[carrie2adopt]

I'd be interested in also seeing the lists for good attachment. Anyone have the links for those? Thanks.

[lippylulu]

I don't have a formal list, but I do have some expertise in normal attachment. Here is what I can tell you.

1. Attachment behaviors begin around 9 months of age, subside and then resurface again briefly close to 2 years (in home grown bio kids--timing can be different in adopted kids)
2. Seperation anxiety, fear of strangers and preference for mom (or the primary caregiver) over all others is a sign of attachment. Child may cry upon seperation but usually settles down fast once mom is gone. Child may cry upon reunion with mom, but is easily comforted.
3. As the baby or toddler grows, they begin to show secure base behavior. They wander away but only go so far before either visually or physically touching base back with mom.
4. Preference for the attachment figure (again, usually mom) when sick or hurt (but may prefer dad for play).
5. Eventually (after age 3 and by age 6 ), increasing identification with same sex parent.
6. After age 3 (and by age 6) being able to negotiate with mom to get needs met (ie. mom tells child to wait 5 minutes for play time or a meal) and have a mutually recipricoal and loving relationship.
7. A child loving other family members is not the same as attachment. Attachment is the relationship between child and the primary caregiver based on physical proximity, satisfying needs, and the primary attachment figure giving love, affection and emotional comfort. Usually the primary attachment figure is mom, but can be dad or whoever else is the primary caregiver.
8) Children who never had the opportunity to form an attachment relationship before the age of 2 will likely have some attachment problems. Children who began attachment relationships which were then repeatedly severed during the first 3 years of life due to multiple moves, inadequate caregiving etc will likely have attachment probkems. Children who attached but lost their parent or attachment figure should be able to attach again over time. In other words, it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before.
9) Attachment is not instanteous. It takes 9 months to a year in homegrown kids. It will typically take about the same about of time for adopted kids. it can take longer in attachment disordered kids.
10) a 6 to 14 (approx) month old baby is ripe for attachment and probably will attach fairly easily, unless neurological or health problems in the child or caregivers inadequacy interfere with the process.

Hope this helps.

[carrie2adopt]

Thanks, that does help!

[Katie63011]

Lippylulu -


Thanks for your list, that is really helpful!!

[mikeintexas]

Yes, awesome list! Thank you!

[mikeintexas]

By the way, I've found the adoption blogs on the forum to be somewhat useful (despite having initial opinions to the contrary).

There is a blog specifically for Reactive Attachment Disorder and folks - it is good! Nancy Spoolstra, who founded the Attachment Disorder Network, blogs on various RAD issues. She has/is raising kids with varying levels of RAD and her stuff is good.

You can read her stuff here:
http://attachment-disorder.adoptionblogs.com/

Also, you'll see a handy feature on the right hand side of the page. Look under Categories and you'll see how they've more or less organized each entry that Nancy has written under one of those. So, for example, you can click on "adoption disruption" and then go down and click on "Get Selection" and up will pop all the blogs that deal with that issue.

The Foster Cline blog interviews are particularly interesting.

FWIW...

Mike

[58grace]

Thanks to all, this is just what I was looking for. Laina is 17 months and has all the behaviors of attachment to me. However I was wondering about her fearlessness to approach and give affection to strangers when we were in the airport last week. She was high fiving and blowing kisses to everyone on the plane. Went up to an older couple and gave them a hug. Sat down on the floor next to a woman eating her lunch and stared at her, etc. She is naturally a charmer, but I was starting to wonder...