[amyfk]

Hi to the List,

I am feeling a bit down today.

Last night I got a call from a friend who just got married in March. I was happy to hear it, but felt bad for myself, my friend and his wife got pregnant in the first month of trying. It sort of took me by surprise how fast they are now going to become parents.

We have been waiting for a long time to become parents. I keep hoping that my agency calls again soon with a referral for us. I feel like there isnt any control with the adoption process, whereas there is control with natural pregnancy.

Any words of wisdom or advice?
Thanks in advance,
Amy K, NJ

[KimOH]

Amy (big hugs).

It is often hard to hear of people (even if they're close friends) who get pregnant so easily when many of us try so hard. It's especially hard if you're in a difficult spot in your adoption process right now. And since they're such a good friend, I'm sure you feel a little bit guilty about not being 100% excited about their good news.

I remember that I was so gung-ho during the early stages (paper chase) of our adoptions because it felt so good to be doing something to actively move the process forward. Then when we got to the waiting stages, it was brutal. Feeling that you have no control of the process is very difficult. (My SIL still snips that we did it "the easy way" but -- HA!!)

I know you're going through a tough time right now...so all I can say is that I'm sorry you're going through this...and I hope your agency calls with the perfect referral for you soon.

Kim

[SingleMama2B]

Good Morning Amy.... I understand the feelings, as I am not able to have children....

Yes, there is NO control over this adoption process! This was the HARDEST Lesson for me to learn. The cultural differences, the ever changing laws/procedures, etc. is not for the faint of heart! When I was going through the process, the laws where changing, an 'aunt' popped out of the woodwork and tried to stop the adoption, etc. AND EVERYTHING worked out in the end!! It is NOT OUR TIMING for sure. As I have first hand witnessed, it is the timing of the highest power.

I know that it is hard, but please know, your child is waiting to be found!!! When everything starts happening... you will be amazed that this all will be a faded memory, and all the happiness in the WORLD takes over

Blessings..............

[amyfk]

HI Kim

Thanks very much for your kind words. I think that's what the tough part is, there is very little under my control at this point. Thanks for listening and understandng.

Sincerely,
Amy K, NJ

[amyfk]

I missed your reply.

Thanks single mama. I appreciate it. I am home today and kind of lost motivation to do my housework. But with my friends, I feel I can get through the day better.

Sincerely,
Amy K, NJ

[amyfk]

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[Horseygirl]

I can really relate. I had a lot of friends get pregnant when we were first working on our adoption. I had a really hard time talking to them. Not that I wasn't happy for them, it was just so painful. Adoption is not for wimps. I adopted my son three years ago. He is the greatest, and fortunatly, once the adoption got rolling it went really fast. We decided to adopt a baby sister and this time is nothing like the first. We have had delay after delay. We finally got a referral, then a court date, and then 2 days before travel it was cancelled. We have no idea when we will travel. I think this process can really push you to the brink. Especially for a control freak like me - when you realize you have NO control at all. The thing that has saved my sanity is places like this - knowing other people are in the process with me and that people have gone through this and worse and still gotten their child. Hang in there!

[amyfk]

Thanks Horsey girl for your encouragement. Youre right-it helps to come here because others can really relate to what's going on in your life.

I wish you the best of luck on your second adoption-I hope it comes through fast.

Youre also right-this process is rough for control freaks. I'm not a control freak per se, but I usually like to be in control of things in my life.

Wishing you the best,
Amy K, NJ

[LouLouBelle]

Amy,

Hang in there! This a long and emotional process. I had my share of down days, but just stay focused. Do something nice for yourself (need a massage or a pedicure?). We had planned to have kids at the same time as my sister so our kids would be the same age. Well, my oldest niece is turning 8! Those were really hard years as my sister had three beautiful girls without difficulty (thankfully...I wouldn't wish what we went through on anyone). Well, a year and a half after officially starting the adoption process we became parents to a beautiful little girl. The process can be difficult, but the reward is pure bliss! Hang in there and it will happen.

[lovestruck]

Hey Amy,

I've said before that I had a lot of miscarriages, so I remember all to well the feelings I had when my friends were pregnant. I was so happy for them but always 'so sad for myself.

It's probably not that you aren't excited for them, but it's your desire to have kids and you have been involved in this process for so long that you are ready for it to be your turn. I think it's a completely natural feeling what you are experiencing.

Hang in there! It's going to happen. Thinking of you!

[Magens8]

Unfortunately natural pregnancy isnt very easily controllable either! Like others I have had several miscarriages after trying for a long time, so you just never know Still its hard to see things working out for others when you are in pain. The best thing is not to beat yourself up for it. It is normal to feel this way right now.

[amyfk]

Hi

Thank you all for your kindness and support. I figured I could count on my friends here on adoption.com to understand.

Sincerely,
Amy K, NJ

[Hoov]

Oh man, I can relate to you too. I had many friends, co-workers, sister and other relatives that were having children (it was easy for them all too I might add) and here we sat. We have no idea why we are not able to have children, there is no medical reason. I looked at adoption early in our marriage when we didn't conceive, but decided to wait it out. 13 years later we looked at the adoption process again and we now have a beautiful son that we adopted and we couldn't be happier. I believe it was meant to be because he fits perfectly in our family and we are at a point in our lives that we were and are totally ready for him. The adoption process is not easy at all. It was a lot more difficult than I ever could have imagined. I am not a very patient person and called our agency every week for updates. Do not give up, hang in there and know that the end result is absolutely beautiful and so so worth everything that you have gone through. It's been said before and I will repeat it - it will happen and hopefully very soon.

[mikeintexas]

Hi Amy -

I just wanted to offer a word of understanding and support. There's nothing like trying to pull off an adoption halfway around the world... control is elusive about 99% of the time. Hang tight because your child IS out there!!!

Mike

[amyfk]

HI

Thank you all for your feedback. I also want to let you know that I know that just because someone has a pregnancy, doesnt always mean it will come to term. I know it's been hard on you guys who have had miscarriages and I dont want to make light of that.

When I get upset, I overgeneralize.
Amy K, NJ