[lakimnafite]

Amy,

I TOTALLY understand. I really can't even come up with the words to describe how deeply I understand. So, I'll just send you a hug instead and hope you are doing okay this afternoon.

Kim

[amyfk]

Dear Kim,

Thanks so much for writing. Just saying you understand makes me feel better.

Best of luck with your adoption!

Amy K NJ

[mikiment]

Amy, you are not alone. So many of us have been where you are, and all we can say is, hang in there and you WILL get to the other side. While this whole process is -- well -- excruciating, the bottom line is if you can hang in there, even if it's by your fingernails, survive major changes in the process, lost referrals, bitter disappointments, watching your friends marry, get pregnant, and deliver while you are still in agony waiting, you WILL eventually become parents. Both the sad and happy news is that there are literally hundreds of thousands of children in orphanages and baby homes in Russia, so at the end of the day if you can make yourself hang in there, you WILL get your child. I used to tell myself, if it's this hard on me while I'm waiting, how hard must it be for my babies? For so many, they have NO hope. I couldn't let them down. I had to keep going.

That's not to "guilt" you into something by any means. Just another perspective -- you aren't the only one hurting to become part of a family. Right now, on the other side of the world, there are children desperately needing parents -- of all ages, all sizes, all ethnicities -- waiting for us. Needing US to come and get them.

All it costs you is everything -- your $$, your time, major pieces of your heart, and more than a bit of your sanity -- but it is still most definitely worth it. Those of us who've been there will keep reaching back to pull those of you still waiting through the process. We know the hell you are going through. But like my grandma used to say, When you're going through hell, for heaven's sake, DON'T STOP!!

Just keep praying, keep plugging along, and keep leaning heavily on this support network for prayer, encouragement and support. We know how you feel. Vent away. Cry, call out, share your feelings without editing yourself, and know that you have nonjudgemental friends here who will understand and help you hang in there one more day. And we promise, YOUR DAY will come. It's worth everything.

You can do it. We will help you. Big hugs and God bless.

[amyfk]

Dear Kim

I couldnt thank you for a nicer, more supportive letter. Thanks so much for your time and response. Thanks for being there.

Amy K, NJ

[DCD]

Amy,

Life seems so unfair at times. My sister and I were both pg together during her first. She had a beautiful healthy girl and I have a memory box. I still hold tight to that memory box and have put it there in my memory. I have a beautiful daughter that came at the perfert time.

I always try to get through the darkest times and say there has to be a plan for me. I am not really religious but I had to believe in something. My daughter was my plan. After all the hell I went through if I knew my end results would be her I would go through it again for her.

I now have the added bonus of her brother coming. As I too get down again with all of this meaningless waiting I keep telling myself by next year this is going to be another memory.

Please stay strong. It is so worth it. I can't even begin to put in words what it feels like to wake up to her beautiful face everyday. You will feel it too. Don't give up!!

We're all here for you. We have all been through it and survived and thrived.

Good luck!!

Dina

[ddahl]

I am the worst one for wisdom and advice. I will tell you that not all children arrive in families via the uterus that bore them. I can tell you that I physically endured every and I mean every fertility option available to me and I was continually thinking and raging that I could not conceive. Now take note here... I am putting it in all caps:
FROM THE MOMENT... AND I MEAN THE MOMENT I HELD MY SON, ALL MY QUESTIONS WERE ANSWERED. I AM MEANT TO BE A MOM, THE MOTHER OF MASON,A BABY CHOSEN FOR ME AND A FAMILY CHOSEN FOR HIM. THEY PLACED HIM IN MY ARMS AND I LOOKED AT HIM AND DH AND ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS "I HAVE WAITED A LIFETIME TO MEET YOU BABY, I AM YOUR MOMMY". IT WAS A RED THREAD MOMENT. I see parents every day and I often wonder how much they appreciate their children. My child came into my life and has filled my heart and home with boundless joy. In the 17 months I waited for him, he spent 6 months with his biological mother and a year in the baby home. So while I have achieved my dream , I am ever grateful for the tremendous sacrifice Mason's biological mother made. Perhaps the baby meant for you is just starting her or his journey to you.

You will hold your baby and your dreams will come true. When you have hard days and feel a little lost or hopeless, remember that you have a forum friend praying for you!

Do you know that I was actually happy to hear a friend got pregnant a few months ago? shocking I know. Apparently I have had some growth in that area. Heck I may even send a shower gift!

[amyfk]

HI DDahl

Thanks so much for your kind words. It's nice to know I have friends on the forum who understand and care.

Amy K, NJ

[amyfk]

Hi Dina

I'm so glad all worked out well for you. Thanks for sharing your story with me. I will just have to keep strong until I finish the adoption.

Best of luck with your second adoption. May all go smoothly.

Amy K, NJ

[mommyto4]

Ditto, ditto, ditto all that was said, just wanted to let you know you will be in my thoughts and prayers that you find your little angel soon and what a blessing he or she will be.

God Bless, great things happen to those who wait and have faith, I know alot easier said than done, been there done that!

Hope and pray you have brighter days soon

[DaniJ]

Totally understandable feelings!

Something that I am working on in my life, which may help ease the pain of the situation, is this concept called "sympathetic joy"
To quote the article: "without consciously realizing it, we may be convinced that the world contains a limited amount of joy, to that the more one person has, the less comes to us. But rarely does a gift taken away from someone else land magically in our own lap....Swamped by envy, however, its hard not to feel as if (what we want) has swept right past our out-stretched arms and into anothers."
When I read this article, it really struck a cord with me. I'm Not telling you how to feel, or what you are currently experiencing is wrong... heck, they wrote this article for a reason: it applies to a lot of people! I Just thought I'd pass it on as a tool which may be useful in easing your pain. Believe me, I do empathize with the pain, and perhaps that is why I want to offer a tool to soften the blow a bit.
Peace and Love~
Danielle

[toria]

I'm not full of advice but TOTALLY understand!!!!!! It seems so unfair to see how easy it is for some to have children. I had sisters and friends having children easily while I was going thru horrible infertility treatments and then the adoption process. After adoption, a whole new world opens up and you almost cannot believe how "normal" it is to not be able to conceive. I cannot believe I just said that because a short time ago I felt so "abnormal" and "what was wrong with me?" I loved the comment one poster made about the children and how they are feeling! That hit home with me, as much as I was wanting a child, my children were wanting a mommy. I know it is hard, hang in, keep coming here where people understand. ((((HUGS)))) I think I am repeating myself but as many children that are out there that have no parents.......You will be a mommy!!!!!!

[amyfk]

I just want to thank you all for your kindhearted comments and continuing support. I hope you all have a good weekend.

Amy K, NJ

[MustangLippy]

So understand where you are coming from. During our adoption journey it seemed that everyone was getting pregnant as easily as sneezing. I just got more and more depressed as we progressed in our adoption so slowly and more and more babies were born. I was sad, angry and frustrated. Eventually I couldn't even pretend to be pleased for the new parents and avoided such situations at all costs.

Hang in there. So many of us have felt the same way and now have our children home. I still get a pang sometimes when I hear someone is pregnant (my SIL is my age and pregnant with her 6th child) but my daughter definitely repaired a big hole in my heart and I hope you'll have the same experience soon.

Best
MustangLippy