[kretzklan]

This weekend we went to the mountains for a little R+R. While there we went to the hot springs...a fabulous group of pools with a huge water slide. I noticed a family speaking Russian. I approached the father and asked if he was from Russia. The answer was yes - from Rostov-on-Don and that of course, led to a conversation. He was so impressed with how quickly the children had acclimated. He had some very interesting comments - purely as a Russian looking at the international adoption picture. I thought I would share.
He has a lot of anger toward the people in authority over the "abondoned" children (his word) in Russia. He feels that Russia needed to have an enemy and they didn't want a small one...so they choose a big one - The U.S. He says there is often much talk of making the orphan problem seem much smaller than it is. He told of a Russian journalist who wrote an article about the fact that the abuse cases by US citizens is .09% of the total adoptions - while the deaths of Russian children at the hands of their Russian parents was 12%. He said he keeps up to date on what is happening there through relatives...and (here is the scary part...again just his words) international adoption to Americans would be ending within five years.
The conversation was much longer...he harbors some negative feelings for sure. But, it was wholly interesting and he definitely re-inforced some of the decisions DH and I have made!

[schulie]

Kretzklan:
Funny you posted this today, as my husband had a similar conversation earlier this week with a co-worker who emigrated from Russia a couple of years ago. He has serious qualms over our decision to adopt from Russia (his feeling is that most of the children available for adoption are seriously ill and/or mentally deficit but he kindly said he hoped we would "be lucky"). He
placed a significant amount of blame regarding the large "orphan" population on the process itself, specifically that it allows families to put their children within the adoption system without formally giving up ties to them. His opinion is that this allows families to avoid responsibility to raise their children and places the burden on the government, which does not have the money or programs to raise children within the system to be productive citizens. It is interesting to hear his views, as he is highly educated and fairly "Western" in his lifestyle but clearly still harbors prejudice/pre-conceived notions regarding orphans within Russia. I can only imagine the viewpoint of folks who live in Russia and do not have the luxury of seeing/hearing both sides of the story.

[beckyww]

Workers in the municapality in which we adopted said virtually the same thing. I am glad we did not heed their advice.

Becky
www.woodworthfamily.blogdrive.com

[kretzklan]

The gentleman I spoke to felt very positive about children in orphanages. He kept saying that these children are brillant wonderful souls who deserved better than that government was offering them. He was so sweet about our children and kept saying - "bless them for finding a country that loves them"

[schulie]

kretzklan:
My husband's co-worker said a variation of the same, that God should bless us for taking any of these children and giving them a home. When my husband replied that we were honored to be allowed to adopt, it clearly threw him that WE would feel grateful, not the child involved!

[SingleMama2B]

So glad that you posted this Kretz..... I have been told this too! It's upseting that 'people' feel that the children that are adopted are all ill or mentally deficit. of ALL of the items that the Court Listed for my DD.... "delayed" was the only one true. Of course after 11 months home, I had suspicions, and went to several specialists and found FAS, Microcephaly, and mild ADHD. This does not matter to me, but ALL of the horrible things that they said to me in court where NOT true!!! Adopting an older child, there ARE going to be things..... so..... I had decided, NO MATTER What may be..... Nothing was going to stop me!!!! Now, I know, that is JUST me, but this was my DAUGHTER!!! My family was concerned.... being a single adoptive mother, AND having NO, yes NO medical background on this little girl.... what about ALL of the unknowns.... So... I have insurance, and I will do what ever she needs to have a life with a FUTURE!!! Which, in my opinion... if she stayed in Russia, she would have NO future!!!! I was first to adopt from her villiage/orphange for 2 years!!!

Sorry, alittle of track here.... seriously, Even with DD's difficulties, I do not consider her "seriously ill or metally deficit". ALL CHILDREN DESERVE a FUTURE..... so, we want to give them one.... it's ashame that they cannot have one in thier MotherLand. (Please .... No Flames, just my opinion).

[kretzklan]

I agree whole-heartedly. I have met (partially due to our process) a number of wonderful Russian people. All the ones I have come in contact with understand that the picture of these very challenged, unadoptable kids is simply propaganda of that government. I asked this gentleman what he thought it would take to have more RUssians adopt children. He looked very serious and said "a reverse brainwashing machine...it will never happen".

Sad indeed.

[mjkkbbr]

We had dinner with a Russian family on Saturday. The father works as a subcontractor for my husband. They have been very supportive of our adoption and warmly welcomed us into their home and cooked an excellent Russian dinner.

They would love to adopt children from Russia and have relatives that have adopted domestically in Russia. They said that they knew the conditions were horrible and the futures very bleak for orphans. The said we were wonderful people to take our daughter "out of that **** hole!" (his words!)

[taramayrn]

Okay folks...mod stepping in here. Just because the system will edit out curse words doesn't mean that we can still use them okay? I know they were used in a quote but still...

Thanks

[DaniJ]

As for the topic at hand: when I was in Russia honestly no one except our translator (who took cultural sensitivity classes) understood why I was crying when I had to stop our adoption. Without fail EVERYONE said I should not cry, I have a baby of my own now and I should be happy. Comments were even made about why I would need/want/cry for one of these 'cast-offs' when I have my own now. Amazing; those words didn't comfort me (sarcasm)! It really was true that they didn't see the value of the children as compared to a birth-child, and this was confirmed in conversations with our translator who understood both the American and the Russian view of the situation.

So much to pray for, so little time.....

Danielle

[FloridaJewel]

I was just in Russia 1 1/2 wks ago and after answering the ususal MOE interview questions, the MOE woman said that not enough Russians can adopt the children, and she actaully thanked us for adopting! I was very surprised to hear that! (she smiled too)

[dlhall]

With both of our adoptions, the Russian officials--judge, orphanage director, MOE, prosecutor--thanked us for giving these children a future. And then they said, "please, come back for more!"

Liz

[Kasey]

Thanks for sharing that, it is interesting to hear what Russians feel about this.

"He looked very serious and said "a reverse brainwashing machine...it will never happen".

Interesting, I wonder if Russian officials feel this way or they do believe they can turn things around?

[leet257]

Have yall ever thought that the lables that these kids get ( being defective ) Is not 100% goverment propaganda. I feel its the parent (s) as well trying to save a little face. By saying that they put their child in an orphanage because of health or mental problems is much better than saying I can not afford to raise a child. My personal opinion the "not me" generation is not totaly an american idea.
My son had several labels while in the orphanage but he is a healthy boy! Nothing wrong with him. I feel that the "not me" generation is all to quick to put a label on things that shouldnt be labeled! Goverments included.

[k8c]

Two quick stories:

1. I know a woman who adopted here in Russia. She changed jobs and moved house so that know one would know the child was adopted. (I found out by chance.) We're good friends, I know her son, she knows I'm adopting...but she's never said a word.

2. Another friend says that it's wonderful that adoption in the US is such a "warm" proceding. She wishes that Russians would change their viewpoint and adopt more children. She is a big proponent of adoption--by whomever can provide a home for these children.