[marina72]

Hi!

I have read many books about parents that have adopted from russia... and I´m terrified. There are so many negative stories. I mean I know that all children in russia have some kind of diagnosis, but how usual is that they have hepatitis or fas????? I would like you to tell about your experiences!!! Of course I have heard also the good ones, but the bad ones just stay in my dreams...

[kretzklan]

There have been some very heated threads about this. I do understand your concerns - and those diagnosis are possible. But, I think you'll find on this board that most have very healthy children. The people who have adopted children with FAS/FAE or Hep are dealing with it wonderfully and love their children beyond anything!

My story - we adopted a 6 and 7 year old (girl/boy) - they are healthy and doing incredibly well!

[kimber413]

It's not uncommon to get a referral that has tested positive for Hep antibodies in infancy, and more often than not, when retested they test negative. There is always the possibility they will remain positive, in which case you can turn down the referral. As for FAS, you should use a qualified international adoption doctor to review all medical information and photographs of your referral. But to say you can 100% rule out FAS/FAE in any referral is false. Just as with biological children, there may be problems undiagnosed that you won't find out until the child is older, but you learn to deal with the problem as best you can.

You are certainly justified to be concerned about these issues, and perhaps an IA doc can help alleviate those fears once you get a referral. However, if the thought that something might be wrong with the child truly "terrifies" you, then perhaps you should consider adopting from another country, such as Kazakhstan or China, where there are fewer cases of drug/alcohol consumption by the bio mothers. I'm not chastizing you for your feelings, but the fact is that there is often alcohol or drug consumption with the bio moms in Russia, and more than likely you will not know whether they used during pregnancy.

Perhaps if you put things into perspective, it will help. You can be pregnant, do everything 100% by the book, and still have a child with health problems or learning disabilities. Do you love that child any less? Absolutely not. You do what you can to help the child have the best life possible, and that's what being a parent is all about.

As for our story, we have a child whose bio mom used alcohol, but we do not know for certain she used during pregnancy. We adopted her at 2 years of age. So far, our daughter has no problems other than being small for her age, and that's more due to previous poor nutrition. She's catching up nicely, finally into size 3T at 3.5 years old. She is highly intelligent, picks up on things quickly, and her vocabulary is vast. She is curious about everything around her, and has a very creative imagination. She's extremely athletic, and excels at gymnastics. Our whole family is crazy about her. She has no facial features for FAS, but may still have associated problems when she approaches school age and learning disabilities can be better defined. We will deal with those problems when they arise, and should more serious issues occur, we'll do whatever is necessary to give her the best chance she can have to succeed at whatever she wants to do and have as normal a life as possible. We love her to pieces, and can't imagine life without her (or even remember what it was like before her, for that matter).

[angelkisses0102]

Based on the age most referrals are these days...FAS will be *easy* to rule out...however FAE, FASD, ARND are not typically as *easy* to see... I have a great link somewhere...but this one below is pretty good too.

Most of us will never know know if our kids birthmothers drank and to what extent the damage was done to our kids...but most of us do not look back with regret and are feel truly blessed to have our kids in our lives...I know I wouldn't change a thing..


http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/fasd-etcaf/faq_e.html

Still looking for my great link...here's another...

http://www.nofas.org/

grr..still can't find the great one...but I have to give up teh search for now... http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/fas/default.htm

[LilyMoon]

Yes, it can be terrifying to read some of the books about adopting from Russia and all of the possibilites of problems one could have. However, we felt that if you come into it as prepared as possible and use professionals to help you in the process, you can minimize the risks considerably.

We chose to adopt at an older age. One of the reasons we did this was to have the ability to see certain milestones that the child reached, and be able to better assess our child. At age 4, which is the age we adopted our child, we could evaluate speech, content of speech, facial features, personality, etc. We had 2 IA doctors assess our daughter's referral. We could have also had a Dr. come to the orphanage to assess our child and many people do this. We felt pretty confident about the health of our child from our IA docs reports so we didn't do that. Then of course, you get to meet your child on the first trip and get an idea of how well the child is doing.

Our child was completely healthy. Not one health problem when we brought her home. She is now finishing first grade and has been above grade level academically. She did need to learn what living in a family was all about and how to attach. With strong attachment parenting, she is thriving in our family, is well attached to us and doing wonderfully. Adopting from Russia was one of the greatest things we ever did. I am so grateful to have this amazing child in my life and I feel very blessed.

[Abdulina]

Marina,

You will NEVER be able to know 100% what your child will or will not have. We have 5 children currently. Working on #6. Of the 6 (yes, including the one not home yet), 5 are from Russia. Of those 5, 4 are FAS. Different regions. People don't quite understand FAS the way I do unless they have to live w/ it 24/7. It is not easy at first. You make alot of mistakes. But with time, you know what works and what doesn't. I can give you PLENTY of personal experience and info on FAS. I've also dealt w/ RAD. But, alot can be turned around. No, it will never go away, but you can parent these children and have a great life. We took all 5 to the zoo today. They were better behaved than alot of the whiny, out of control "normal" kids we saw! There is quite a stigma associated w/ FAS. ALOT of myths floating around out there. Beware. Did I know all mine would be FAS....no. Would I change it....no. Forest Gump still says it best...."Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know whatcha gonna get." True of adoption and life. There are absolutely NO guarantees in life or w/ kids. You can try and read and prepare, but once again, there is never a guarantee w/ adoption. And btw, the medical records over there are not what I'd call the best of record keeping. Some things will be left out, some added in. Recently, we found out our 13yo daughter had apparently broken her nose at the orphanage. We adopted her at 6.5yo and there was nothing on her records about it. And yes, you can have an IA doc TRY to figure out FAS. HOwever, unless the birthmother drank between days 21 and 24, the facial features will NOT be present. So please don't base FAS all on these features. Also, I'm obviously a member of some yahoo fas groups. Quite a few of us have children from Russia. And many of those did indeed have an IA doc look over the medicals first. I'm not saying don't use an IA doc--please no one write me--I'm just saying even the best of the best can't guarantee what a child may or may not have. If you ahve any personal questions, pm mail. It is scary. But jump in and you'll have a ball. --It can't be that scary, b/c I'm doing this for the 6th time now!!!!

I wish you all the best. Just to let you know, we consider our experience positive. though others may not due to our kids' issues. They go to school, they play baseball, go to youth group and do other "normal" activities. Two of my FASers are highly gifted. Another myth I hear of FASers is that they are mentally retarded--NO. Only 15% of them are. All I can say is go for it. It is not as scary as it sounds. But please don't read into things too much or you'll overanalyze everything on the planet and look for any little detail in the child that just isn't there.

Enjoy your adoption journey. This board is a wonderful resource.

Take care,

[amyfk]

Hi Marina

I want to wish you good luck. I too, have been concerned about FASD and Hepatitis.
We are in process of adopting from Russia. We personally didnt feel comfortable with our first two referrals, so we turned them down. It was a very difficult thing for us, but we felt we had to do it. The first baby had the facial features for FAS, and the second one had Hep C antibodies. With Hep C antibodies, there is a 5% chance the baby could develop the disease. We were not comfortable taking the chance.

As another user here said, it's a good idea if you choose Russia to hire an IA specialist. There are quite a few doctors in the US that specialize in reading the diagnostics of referrals. There are also doctors from Moscow who will visit the orphanage to assess the health of the child in question. Not all regions allow doctors to visit, but some do.

As with a biological child, nothing is a 100% guarantee healthwise in adoption. My IA doctor told me that 80% of the Russian children turn out to be "healthy" whereas the other 20% of adoptive parents felt they got more than they bargained for. So the overwhelming majority of children do ok.

I guess you have to go with your comfort level. But I can understand your concerns. I had the same ones.

Amy K, NJ

[tbristow]

As many have mentioned, there are risks with biological children on other issues.

We ended up adopting a child that we have no maternal history on. All we knew is that based on the referral information and visit one, he was at or above target in development. Upon arriving home, we had blood work done. He tested positive for Hep A antibodies and nothing else. They said after further testing it could've been from a shot or an old infection that had cleared (probably not uncommon in an orphanage). While we can't rule out FAE, we've been home almost 15 months and our son knows most of his colors and shapes and well over half of his capital letters at 27 months so I'm not worried. I would do it again in a heart beat if we had the money.

I've also dealt with an FAS child for most of the last 19 years. My ex's daughter has done far better than anyone could've hoped based on her early years. She really has turned into a great young lady. She is making me a grandmother (around my 38th birthday no less!! ) to a baby boy. FAS/FAE are tough. There is no doubt about it, but in a lot of cases, it's not as bad as many expect (then again, I'm sure there are cases where it's probably worse than expected...it's all in degrees of abuse I guess).

Anyway, best of luck. IMO, I wouldn't worry about it too much. You would be led to the child that's meant to be yours.

[marina72]

Thanks for your stories. I feel I´m a bad person because I´m thinking these thoughts. I know it´s a blessing to have any child and all children need parents. I feel very selfish. And it may occure many problems with biological children also. But it´s quite natural to minimize all health problems... I know when I see a picture of "our" own child, I will have her no matter what. We have been waiting a child long time.

Happy Mothers Day!

[kimber413]

You're not a bad person for thinking these thoughts. It's natural to worry about them. It's just that there's only so much you can do to screen your referral before accepting it and you could still have a problem later on that must be dealt with. As long as you are aware of that, and you're okay with that little bit of uncertainty, you'll be fine. Now that we have our kids home, I think the vast majority wouldn't change a thing, problems or not.

[amyfk]

Hi Marina

I think it's probably pretty normal to have anxieties about having a new child(thru birth or adotpion) and about the general health of the child. Not everyone expresses it, but I think it's there with just about everyone.

So dont feel guilty about it. With a biological child, you get what you get healthwise. In adoption(although some of the medicals are rather scant from Russia) in some aspects you can put in a preference for the general health of the child. I wouldnt feel guilty for knowing what kinds of health issues you feel you're comfortable in dealing with and those which you arent. Youre just being honest with yourself.

Good luck,
Amy K NJ

[DaniJ]

I had heard a lot of rumors about the drinking issues in Russia, even to the extent that it was considered *rude* to turn down a drink, and EVERYBODY drank the hard stuff and it was wierd not to drink while there. (of course this concerned me because I was preg. when I went!)
What I found was that people seemed pretty much like us. Alchohol was available, but not being imbibed out on the street corners, as we had envisioned, and we never saw anyone drunk or even drinking other than in the restaraunt.
So, here is the question: is it possible that when Russia initally opened it's doors to international adoption, there was perhaps a lot more alcohol use across the board, and indeed most children had been exposed, and those are the families the books were written about; but now that information has flooded the country for nearly 20 years, there is less generalized drinking, and perhaps more educated mothers, so we aren't seeing it as much? Just a thought. I am be totally off-base on this.

danielle