[lovestruck]

HI everyone,

Instead of exercising or being productive like I should be right now, I can't quit just sitting here crying.....

After our heartbreaking trip 1, that I still can't bring myself to talk about too much, I was devastated but hopeful! Now here we are in May, 15 months plus starting our adoption, traveled once and are no closer to finding our daughter. I know it will happen, but today I'm beginning to wonder when!!!

I know God has a plan and the timing is HIS. I do believe that our experiences on trip 1 happened for a reason, and I do believe that when we have our daughter home, all this will be a distant memory and worth it all............

But for today I am sad. I am discouraged. And I am wondering WHY! I thought after trip 1 I would know all about my daughter.......her age, her birthdate, what she looked like and I would be preparing for the LONG wait to bring her home. Instead we have to wait for another region, wait for new travel dates, wait to find her...Ttoday I am sad.......I am mourning finding her, mourning the loss of where we thought we would be right now. Today is a hard day.......and I just feel emotional about it all!

[jaw's mom]

Take heart...God's timing is perfect. We do not understand why we have to endure the heartaches we go through. Just know that you will be stronger and better for overcoming trials. You can do this.

It is o.k. to feel down and cry. You will feel better for acknowledging those feelings instead of shoving them in the "emotion" closet.

May God bless you and your family.

[amyfk]

HI Lovestruck,

I just wanted to send you a ((((BIG HUG)))) from New Jersey.

As they say, and I believe it, adoption from Russia isnt for the faint of heart. We have been in process since autumn of '04 and we still didnt accept a referral. We have no kids and there are days when I wonder if things are going to work out with Russia or not. I really do.

Although the trip was discouraging, they say you have to feel really comfortable with the child you plan to adopt. If you don't in the end, it may be a detriment to both you and the child you adopt.

I wish I could say the right thing to make you better. Just know that youre not alone. If you have to-skip town on Mother's Day.

Please take care of yourself. I'll be thinking of you today.

Sincerely,
Amy K, NJ

[SingleMama2B]

Good Morning "Lovestruck"....

"Jaw'sMom" said it sooooo eloquently.... "His" timing is perfect (though sooooo hard to understand at this time)!!!

I had truly given up on being a mom, and finding my prince charming etc...... at 42 y/o, a call from the blue comes, and it happened for me! During the time prior to the call.... I had resigned myself that 'this must be his plan for me', and what I could do to be a better person for my family and friends! Through my years of heartaches, I can now understand, that I was NOT ready, but now I am. When you bring home your daughter.... you too will understand

Sending prayers straight up for you today.....

[votemom]

i'm sorry k.

i think it's really to be expected that you have hit a low though, after all you went through. you came back feeling strong and positive -- seems like it's very normal that now you are dealing with the reality of all that has happened. it has affected you mentally and emotionally and even physically as you went to the other side of the world and back.

hang in friend.

[mikeintexas]

Bless your heart. I know you have been in this anguishing wait. And some days are just flat out awful. I think it's fine for you to feel that way... and we all totally understand. This adoption stuff is a roller coaster ride unlike any other.

Our preacher emphasized on Sunday that God wants to be with you during these tough times... He wants to walk hand in hand with you. Yes, He has a plan. But while that plan is coming to fruition, keep Him alongside you. It's okay to let him know what you think and how you feel... He's tough and can take it!!!

I'll keep you in my thoughts and my prayers.

Mike

[Amysue1112]

Oh gosh.... I know it is awful.....and I know how it can feel as if having your daughter is soo far away.
I wish I knew how to make it easier...I don't know whether I will ever forget the cloud of doom and gloom..no matter what they say....
But on a brighter note.....if you stick with this, and are determined, you will get there. Some days will be like this...and it is ok...come here for support-I can't tell you how it has helped me get through those rotten days. And enjoy the good days, there will be many of them to come!
You are strong lovestruck-I don't think I would do too well facing another trip 1 either. But you made good decisions...even if they hurt.
I pray that you get a new trip 1 very soon. Hang in there...we are all in this with you!!!
Amy

[lovestruck]

Wow, thank you! you all are so extremely kind and supportive. I knew I could find comfort here.

My friends and family are very supportive, but they really don't get it. We are very blessed to have two children already. I will tell you, the journey to get both of them here was not easy and that's why I know in the end, the pain will fade away......

My family and friends make me feel more guilty than anything because I do have the boys. And I do think about those of you who have endured this process waiting for your first child....you deserve special recognition!

I must say that my boys are as in love with their sister as we are. They talk about her (not in future tense, but as their sister)...they have named her (yes they chose the name and just started calling her that)....when I take them shopping they stop in the clothes section for her or want to buy toys for her.......they pray for her......if someone asks if they have a sister, they say yes, but she is still in Russia.......and they cried for her when we told them we did not find her on our first trip around the world. This little girl that they have named Sadie, she is as much a part of this family as they are, in their hearts and minds, in all of ours.....

So thank you for your kindness and for understanding that whether you currently have children or not, this is a difficult journey, with ups and downs, laughter and tears!

[kretzklan]

No guilt - this process is HARD...you have the right to feel all these feelings. I'm praying and hoping that you'll find your daughter very soon!!!

[angelkisses0102]

K~

Trust that God has just narrowed down your search...that your Sadie is out there...and know you will understand why when you find her. You are the person and the family that will endure the absolute heartache of your situation...and survive and continue...others may have been throw off this path had they been in your shoes...but someone else knew you would perservere. God really does only send us as we can handle...sometimes so much more than we ever thought we could. There is a reason...and when you meet 'your daughter' you will be happy that you walked the bumpy and twisted path to get her.

Oh, and know you are grieving the 'loss of the dream'...so it is OK to be upset and crying...few people will understand that...other than your friends here...we know that when your plane landed you were expecting to find your daughter...and when you didn't, you lost a part of your heart.
I love the name Sadie...have for years...DH..nah...so I have a very wonderful little furbaby girl named Sadie...

[Kendal]

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for what you are going thru right now. I know God's timing is perfect, but sometimes it's sure hard to understand. (((hugs)))) to you. I pray you get some good news soon.

[dlhall]

I know how hard it is when things don't work out the first time. The same thing happened to us and I didn't think I'd ever get over it. Please know that things will work out; there is a little girl there for you and you will get her home! We had a disasterous first trip last November, and then had a wonderful new first trip in December and brought our beautiful little boy home in February.

And even though you already have kids at home (we have a daughter at home), it doesn't lessen your pain for this child. It's okay to feel sad and angry, just don't lose hope!

Saying a few extra prayers for you.

Liz

[Wendrew]

Your post made me cry. I can not even imagine how hard this must be for you and your family. I hope that you will know your daughter soon and this pain, while not forgotten, will be in the past.

[lakimnafite]

I do understand. There isn't anything to say that can ease your pain, but know that you are not in this alone. My family and friends also sympathize with me and our problems and our pain - but they do not understand. Here, we can also be understood.

Hugs to you!

[Ktates]

I am so sorry! I had no idea about your trip - I have not been reading these boards as much as I used to. Even though our heads know that things happen for a reason etc - sometimes it's still tough to get there and some days are worse than others. Please know I am thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers-
Karen