[jimpol]

I'm hoping that you guys can help give me some guidance. We live in Georgia and my son, Andrew, can start Pre-K this fall legally because he is 4. The cutoff is Sept 1 in which he has to be 4 and his birthday was in January so we obviously meet that. We have been having issues at his preschool lately. Some of you have probably read that he got "kicked out" of the school that we had been at for 3 years because of his aggresive behavior.

I am trying to decide if I should hold him back. He is definitely bright enough to start school this fall, but I'm questioning his readiness socially and emotionally. Has anyone else dealt with this?

I can't think of any disadvantage to holding him back. He gets to stay a kid a year longer (good for me and him). He is small so if we hold him back he might catch up quicker. He also might have a better chance with sports.

Please give me some advice. I know there are a lot of wise parents out here. I am really stressing out about this. I'm willing to do whatever I can if it helps my son.

[proudmommyof 2]

What is the Pre-K like in your area? Is is part of the school district?


What did Andrew's preschool teacher say about him, other than the aggressive behavior? Does it seem that the behavior may have been a product of the environment?

We're sending Dennis to Kindergarten this year (he turned 5 a couple of weeks ago-he meets the cutoff) with the expectation that he may do really, really, well, OR that we may hold him back.

The reason that we're sending him to K is this: his preschool teacher said she wasn't sure if he was ready. After talking to other parents, we found out that she wouldn't go out on a limb for ANY of the kids as to whether they were ready or not. In K, he will have all of the testing done that he doesn't in pre-K, he will be there every day with a certified teacher, and will see other kids his age doing the work. I talked with my K teacher at the school in which I teach, who after talking to me, after spending time with Dennis, said, "SEND HIM". (She did say this in caps, as I'm a chronic worrier)


Go with your gut. My instinct is to send Dennis, just because of the above. But again, I'm sending him with the realization that he might not excel. If you feel that Andrew's behaviors may have been because of the environment that he was in, I'd send him. I'm guessing there would be a LOT less hitting, etc., for him to witness with other 4 year olds than if he were with the 3 year olds. Then again, he might be frustrated and do it more, but I doubt it.

I guess it all depends on what kind of pre-K you have in your area, and what you are comfortable with. I'd rather get Dennis into the school system, which I trust more, and deal with problems there.

Good luck!!

[k8c]

Hiya. I'm an elementary school teacher. I think if there is any doubt about his being ready that you should hold him back. I have never had a parent disappointed with a child being held back. I have had several parents who wished they had.

Especially in the case of little boys, some extra time is often all that is needed to make the difference between academic success and failure.

One more note--waiting to start kindergarten is an option that is becoming more and more popular. What this is doing is raising the age of children in the class.

If you have concerns, and the fact that you posted leads me to think that you do, I would wait; but that's just MHO (I still use that as "humble" rather than "honest" ...)

Kate

ps Katrina makes a good point about considering the program itself. I was basing my advice on my experience with our pre-school/pre-K/K.

[votemom]

around here, pre-K is basically like 4 yr old preschool. have you been keeping him home full time or does he go to daycare?

i think it's great when kids can stay home until kindergarten, but i'm probably in the minority.

there's so much to gain by him just being at home with you.

but if that's not an option, i don't see why a pre-K program wouldn't be fine.

the "should we wait" question is more significant when you are ready for kindergarten.

follow your gut.

[kretzklan]

I can give you a perspective from a parent who did not hold my child back - now this is my bio son, Rylie - he is now 9 and almost done with 4th grade. When we moved to Colorado - I found out three weeks before kindergarten started that he was supposed to go. His bday is in early Sept and the cut-off here is Sept 15. He only made it by a week. I will readily admit, he was not having any real issues in pre-school...and he was very bright. My mother taught kindergarten for 20+ years and said "send him" the kids that are TOO old and TOO bright are huge problems all the way through school. To this point, I believe in what she said...we did send him and only once have we thought twice about it. He has kept up academically with no problems - in fact is still at the front of his class even being young in his grade. It doesn't sound like Andrew would actually be young...he'd be in the upper middle age wise. And, for the sports thing - it's not based on grade in school - it is still based on age by calendar - he would be playing "up" with kids in the grade above him based on his calendar age (most programs cut off at child's age on July 15 of each year).

I don't think there is any clear cut answer - and I'm sure a lot of folks would say holding him back is the right answer...but, I feel that if he is academically ready - it could do more harm than good to hold him - he WILL grow out of the current issues he having. Is it a choice to do two years of Pre-K in your district? Like if you send him and the teaching team says he's not ready - can he go to pre-K again instead of moving on to K?

[jimpol]

I knew I could get some good advice quickly. The Pre-K here is from the state of Georgia but where we live there is no room in the public schools so the state rents out the space of daycare's. So, it is still a state run program just in the private daycare facility.

He has been in daycare for 3 years and has really met all of the their requirements. We used to get these skill report cards. I thought they were kind of funny, but it did give us an idea of what he can accomplish.

My husband is actually a public school 6th grade teacher and he does work with our son. He really isn't sure about the situation at all. I am seeking advice from a school psychologist that lives next door and a good friend that is a psychiatrist that works with Pre-K kids too. Just trying to get all of the facts and advice I can.

[Aphi86]

Hold 'em back way back!!! We are dealing with this issue with our now 8 yr old bio dd, and it is a mess! She is a March B'day and when we moved right before kinder, I wanted to not start her to give her another year, but we didn't and now I regret it to no end. She is still just very immature, probably from being an only for so long. Well, we are moving back to Dallas and thought it would be now or never, but I have read a lot on this lately and there is more damage to making a child repeat a grade vs. starting late. There is a higher percentage of dropout later on and self-esteem suffers. In one study, something like 20 kids had been held back ye they never revealed it even with questions like what would it feel like etc. Anyway, if there are any doubts just don't start him. JMHO

[Ashman]

Our daughter's birthday was 12 days from the cutoff, she would have been one of the youngest in her class. She is also small for her age. I think she was bright enough but a bit unsure of herself socially. My wife is a SAHM but we had her in preschool to get her ready for the structure of school. Our teacher's felt it would be good for her to stay home another year (I don't like the term hold back maybe I'm too sensitive but hey its my kid!). We did and it was a good decision for us and our daughter. It is a very personal decision that is tempered by many varibles. At the end you got to go with what your "parent senses" (as opposed to Spidey Senses) are telling you. Good luck and God bless as you work through the decision!

[angelkisses0102]

Arianna turned 4 last August...and started pre-K a few days later. Sounds 'normal' right? Well everyone, including her doctors and teachers, and family and friends said she was 'ready' for regular kindergarten, based on her academic level. However, we held her back, so to speak, because of her emotional age, which was just turned 4.

This year she will start kindergarten with all the other 5 year olds, she will be one of the youngest...turning 5 less than 2 weeks before school starts, but she is much more 'ready' for it.

I personally believe 'we', as in society in general, push our kids too young in regard to school and academic achievement. If we were 'those' kind of parents...she would be reading and writing more & such things. As it is she will be bored...but it is still what is best for her run the long run.

I believe it is better to hold him back now, as opposed to when he is in real school and sees his friends advancing...but not him...IMHO.

[waitinginnj]

My daughter misses the cut off for kindergarten by 1 (yes I said 1) day. I decided not to push the issue or put her in a private kindergarten. I think that she has been a little bored this year, as she is truly the oldest kid in the class. I am hoping that she will find pre-k more challenging and be able to go to Kindergarten more mature and more importantly more mature for college.

If I pushed her into kindergarten with a privat school, the Catholic School that she will likely attend will retest her. If she had a bad test day, should could feel like a failure. As new situations make her nervious, I didn't want to risk it.

I have second guessed my decision due to some boredom and some regression in behaviors, but it is made now.

Just thought another prespective may be interesting.

[votemom]

it's also wise to look way down the road. when kids are in high school, they are often in classes of mixed ages. it's very common that a "young" sophomore will be in classses with "old" seniors. add the coed issue and there can be situations that you'd prefer not to be dealing with.

there is no perfect scenario, but plenty to think about.

[momm2be]

Hold em back.
There is no reason to rush. If you think he will be bored, add some enrichment activities such as sports or piano lessons after school. The teacher should be able to teach to all levels of kids. Also, you may not know until 1-2nd grade what problems will develop.

My daughter had a stelllar kindergarten and an awful 1st grade experience. So even if they make it through K, who knows if they will be ready for first -- as some curriculums just jump right into it in 1rst.

If you are even considering it, than your answer is here and you should hold back.

[carrie2adopt]

I'm also one to vote for waiting another year before starting kindergarten. I taught kindergarten for four years (now I own a small business) and I can tell you that the parents who waited a year are happy that they did, and those who didn't, wished they had...in my own experience. I think it's better to have a child always on top of the game, first in the class because they've had an extra year to mature, than to be the youngest, more immature, less confident child in the class both academically and socially.

[leeinmemphis]

Hi there!

Well, as someone who was always the youngest in her class (late Sept birthday so I started K when I was still 4) I hated being the youngest and so when our boys came home I was pretty determined that they "start Kindergarten" on time and not be out of whack with other kids and their ages.... my husband was pretty adamant that we keep them back until they were ready.

So, here's what we did... William who turned 5 in November obviously had a late birthday so he will start K being closer to 6 but he's ontime with where he would have been had he been born here. Timothy was 4.5 when he arrived home and has a 2/1 birthday so he'll also start K this fall with William although he will be 6.5 when he starts K. William is younger but is much more mature than Tim who is older. I feel really at peace with our choices because although Tim could have been in K this year and been "on time" i think he has benefitted greatly from extra time in learning the language and just maturing socially.

The good news now i guess is that Tim will be driving in 9th grade or 10th maybe... anyway, early compared to me!

You know your kids better than anyone... trust your gut!

alli