[Princess Purr]

Hubby wants to put 2-3 years old, I want to put 12-30 monthes, so you think we should just put 12-36 monthes and whatever age is referred to us take it as a sign? I have been reading so much about bonding, and i'm just so nervous about the child having a hard time adjusting, and we wanted to name the child so I'm alittle worried to how a 3 year old is going to react to having there name changed, where I wouldn't think it would be as big of a deal to a 1 year old.
Hubby is so ready for this now, and me who was ready is now getting nervous!

[tbristow]

That sounds like a pretty good way to go about it to me. I know a lot of people that have changed the children's names in the upper end of that age range and done just fine. If we go back we're actually probably looking at 24-48 months and planning on changing the name. Keep in mind too that there are attachment problems in small children too. It depends on the child. The best of luck. I think you'll be guided to the child that is meant to be yours.

[SingleMama2B]

My daughter is an older child (when I adopted her), so I am not he best for advice from any experience....

All I wanted to say is.... you need to put what you want/feel comfortable with. You need to be happy!!!

If you received a referral that isn't in your (real) comfort zone, you don't want to feel pushed or guilt.

Be true to your heart and see what happens! Just my thoughts for you....

Blessings.....................A

[jp007]

Two things you should consider when deciding an age range:

1 - The wider your range, the more likely you are to get a quicker referral

2 - Keep in mind the age usually applies to age at referral, not necessarily at court (could be an additional 2-3 months in between)

Good Luck,
JP

[ddlucy]

We've gone through the adoption process three times. It's not a perfect process.

The more open you are - the quicker the process. In Russia we put down 2 - 4 year old - in September 05 - 5 months later we came home with our 4 year old. He had turned 4 after Trip 1.

Bonding with your kids never, and should never, stop. It's fun when they are 2, and when they are 4 ---- and yes even with my two teenagers. The teenagers were 2 when we got them

[LilyMoon]

We had put age 1-3 in our homestudy and requested age to our agency. We ended up adopting a 4 year old and had to change everything. We definitely found the child that was perfect for us. Age is less of an issue than the child itself, so don't stress too much about the exact age to request. If I hadn't agreed to consider a little bit older child...I never would have found my amazing daughter!

LilyMoon

[hybell]

You should definitely go with what you feel most comfortable with - the hard part is deciding what that is!

I was given the advice to consider at what age I'm no longer comfortable doing some basic bonding activities. Are you comfortable rocking a 3 year old to sleep, maybe even with a bottle? Playing peek-a-boo? We came home with a 4 year old, and he needed to do all of these things for a short time. He still needs more cuddling than the average preschooler.

The naming and attachment depend more on the child than the age. I know a 13 year old who asked to be a renamed, and an 18 month old who refused to answer to a new name. I know 8 month old infants, now preschoolers with attachment difficulties, and preschoolers who are recently home with no significant attachment issues.

Try to envision yourself parenting the upper age of your limit, and if you can't see it, lower your limit. You might wait longer, but you will also feel confident in your parenting abilities when you get home (well, as confident as any of us ever get )

[Princess Purr]

Originally Posted by hybell

You should definitely go with what you feel most comfortable with - the hard part is deciding what that is!

I was given the advice to consider at what age I'm no longer comfortable doing some basic bonding activities. Are you comfortable rocking a 3 year old to sleep, maybe even with a bottle? Playing peek-a-boo? We came home with a 4 year old, and he needed to do all of these things for a short time. He still needs more cuddling than the average preschooler.

The naming and attachment depend more on the child than the age. I know a 13 year old who asked to be a renamed, and an 18 month old who refused to answer to a new name. I know 8 month old infants, now preschoolers with attachment difficulties, and preschoolers who are recently home with no significant attachment issues.

Try to envision yourself parenting the upper age of your limit, and if you can't see it, lower your limit. You might wait longer, but you will also feel confident in your parenting abilities when you get home (well, as confident as any of us ever get )

Thank you, that is really great advice. I need to ask hubby those questions too and see what he is comfortable with.

[DET62]

I adopted an older child so I can't speak from direct experience, but I belong to a single moms group and I read an interesting discussion last night. One of the group just got home with her 18 months old child and the child wails non-stop and is going through a terrible adjustment. Several folks in the group have explained to the mama that 18 months is too young to understand the new situation, all she knows is that her beloved Russian caregiver is nowhere to be found. So the poor little thing is freaked out.

I would advise to get one younger than a year, or older than 2. I think your chances would be better if you request 2-4 years old.

Keep in mind, you need to learn a little Russian, just to comfort them at first, if nothing else.

Good luck!
Dee