[Princess Purr]

I know this has been asked before, but I love to hear how everyone is doing that adopted their child 2+ years old. Rich really would like to request 2-3 year old girl. So I would love to hear how everyone is doing, and how long it took for the child to bond ect.

[cici32]

As you know, every child is different but here is our story.

Andrei had his 3rd Birthday during our 10-day appeal. We only got to see him 3 times during that time but he was always willing to spend time with us. When we picked him up he came in and jumped right on my lap. We changed his clothes and when it was time to leave he walked out holding DH's hand, hopped in the car and never looked back. He liked being held by both of us but when we were doing things outside the hotel room he felt more comfortable holding DH's hand or being held by DH. I guess he just felt more secure. Once we arrived home he wanted comforted by both of us equally. He was not shy meeting the neighbors and family. He started speaking English pretty quick and now that he has been home 6 months {3/23} he speaks primarily English. At our PP visit the Social worker couldn't believe how well he was speaking and that he knows his ABC's and can count to 15. She also watched him put his many puzzles together. We feel like he has really bonded/attached to us and has adjusted to the new chapter in his life. He goes to preschool on MWF from 9-12 and his teachers and the director have commented on how well he is doing for being here such a short time. We were originally going to put him in Preschool this coming fall but after talking to our Social Workers and watching his interest in other kids we decided to get him in earlier. We just got lucky that a spot opened up in Jan. He loves it and looks forward to going. The days he doesn't go, I'm here with him. He knows that we are a family and is sure to tell everyone he sees that we are a family.

I will say get your running shoes ready...he goes non-stop as all 2-3 year olds do. I don't sit down the entire time he is up and about. He is all boy and your typical 3 year old...into everything!! LOL He is a sweet boy and a very loving boy. I love getting showered with hugs and kisses for no reason.

We had originally requested a child under 2 but changed it to 3 and under when Russia started going through all the changes. I'm so glad that we did. He is the perfect addition to our family. We said that if we were to adopt again that we most definitely want a child between the ages of 2-4. We would go older but we would like #2 to be younger than Andrei.

Anyway, I wish you the best and if you have any questions feel free to ask.

[Butabzig]

We brought Ana home at the age of three. She turned four one month after our arrival home in November. We read everything and were prepared for the worst. The first month was probably the worst and I wouldn't say it was that bad. It was just Ana trying to let us know that she was going to be the boss in this house and us letting Ana know that this was not how it was going to be.

Having an older sister has definitely helped in her transition. She has adjusted very well and everyone laughs saying that she is probably more attached than most children are to their biological parents. I will add to that that she and I have been together 24/7 since her arrival in October and we have only recently been doing some times appart.

She is speaking all English and talks all the time. Ana was much like Andrei in that she left the orphanage understanding what was going on and she never looked back. She tells me all the time how sad she would be if she had to go back and we reassure her that she will never go back.

When we submitted our paperwork we asked for a girl between the ages of 5-7. Our first two referrals were in this age range. Ana was younger and we REALLY hesitated to accept her. We look back now and can't imagine life without Ana. She was the child who was meant to be ours and we can't imagine how life would have been with our first two referrals.

In retrospect we really think that this is the perfect age to adopt. The children are old enough to understand what is going on. They are scared. Ana tells me how scared she was but that she knew it would be good. Everything we have ever told her is the way life has become so she has really learned to trust us. At this age the children are like sponges and can quickly adjust to their new life and culture. It's been a wonderful and amazing journey and just continues to get better every day.

Good luck!

[manon]

I adopted my daughter Sasha when she was 24 months old (had 2nd b'day when I was in Russia on trip #2 waiting out the 10 day waiting period). She's now 4.5 & doing fine.

She bonded pretty quickly, I think. She didn't smile at all on the first trip (which scared me to death) but she wanted me to play with her & hold her. I could tell because when I'd try to put her down, she'd hold on tighter & start to cry. When we left the orphanage together the 1st time (during the 10-day wait, just to go to photographer's office for passport photos, then back to Baby Home), she reached for me & didn't want to be held by anybody else, not even while I was climbing out of the van. We held hands as we walked, too.

I think it helped that I learned some Russian to speak to her (thanks to Teresa Kelleher's CD & book). Later, it helped lower her frustration level to learn some baby sign language & I wish I had started that sooner. Her Russian comprehension seemed pretty good at 24 months but she was only saying a few words then. I think the children were encouraged to be QUIET.

It took her quite a while to work up the courage really to babble & try to talk, at least I think that's what was going on. She learned English really quickly; I could tell she understood everything that was being said to her within about a month or two. But she didn't really start talking til much much later than that. She was starting to talk & communicate a lot more by the time she turned 3. And then I started her in preschool & I think that helped a lot too. She still doesn't speak as clearly as I'm sure she will later, but she talks a lot these days.

If I had it to do over again, I'd probably just go ahead & have her sleeping with me the first few months at least. I think she's gotten a lot more affectionate & tells me she loves me more since she has started coming into my room to sleep sometimes (now that she's no longer in the crib & is in her big girl bed). That's become a constant problem lately (waking up enough to steer her back to her own bed), but I think that's pretty common for lots of kids (bio too). But I think it does make her feel closer to me.

I was kind of relieved when she started being shy around other people, which took around a year or so. But I think she did attach to me pretty quickly, and I think it's true that kids can sense commitment. That also means she generally reserves her worst behavior for me.

There are still SO MANY FIRSTS for children coming to the US to live after living in an orphanage in Russia that I really don't feel like I missed out on anything that way. I wish I could have known her and loved her and taken care of her since she was born, and I'm grateful for the few photos I managed to get of her when she was littler -- she likes to look at those sometimes too. But I would not hesitate at all to recommend toddler adoption (other than to recommend athletic training ahead of time!).

[RBSVARCHER]

David was 2 1/2 when we brought him home and will now be 4 in May. He was very sick with an upper resp. infection and wheezed very badly when we got him. In fact, he could not run 20 feet without stopping to catch his breath. He had no stomach muscle tone and could not sit up from a laying position without using his arms to help him. He had very little hair.

He had circumcision & tongue clipped 6 months home and has just had adenoid removal surgery and sinus' washed out March 2nd.

David has been a very sick child - in fact I had to cut back work to 3 days a week b/c after being in day-care 3 days a week - by Thursday he had picked up something else at school - or his ear infections would re-occur from the bacteria that remained in his sinus' after 10 days on Omnicef.

David was removed from his bio at 17 months old and was at the hospital 4 months (no room in the orphanage) and at the orphanage 9 months. He began to bond with us immediately never cried with us from gotcha day forward - but he was overly friendly with strangers almost to the point of trying to win over their approval in the Wal-Mart aisles. It was not until this past November that we could see David's drastic change and he would initiate hugs & kisses us and tell us he loved us. He is now just as any "American Born Child" as far as his actions are concerned - and it is as though he is our bio child. He is very quick to tell his friends "that's MY mommie" and is very protective of me & his Daddy.

He is a very smart child - learned english very quickly and could speak more English than he knew Russian in 3 weeks here in the USA. Now he can point, click and drag and put together 20 piece puzzles on the computer as well as keep up with his peers in 3-K.

The first year was very hard - the bonding was tough - but with instructions from our International Adoption Clinic on how to promote eye contact and how to use sign language to begin to teach him English plus his exposure in 3-K and watching other children play (he didn't know how) we have made it to where we are today.

There is also a site here on PAD's parents you should visit to read about other parents experiences with post adoption disorders in their children.

It is hard - but in the end one little hug and peck on the cheek and you know it was all worth the hard work.

May God guide you on your decision.

Susan

[stephw3boys]

just want to chime in that we adopted Kalina at 26 months - and she has been a joy. I recommend sign language highly!! Good luck in your decision and adoption.

[ddlucy]

We have a 4 year old from Russian - just came home.

We also have a 17 year old and a 14 year old. They were 2.5 and 2 when we got them in the early 90's.

Our 17 year old thinks about the birth Mom/Dad - and thinks about going back some day. Never doubted that we are his Mom and Dad - and we have always been open about it. Feels secure in life and is very proud of the heritage.

Our 14 year old - rarely thinks about the birth Mom/Dad. Has no burning desrie to seek out the birth Mom and Dad. Feels secure in life - and is also proud of the heritage.

I case it depends on the child, how open you are, and your ability to show them their heritage.

[waxhawfamily]

We brought Andre home at 26 months. I personally love this age because you're done with teething, ear infections (for the most part), and coming out of an orphanage, you're also mostly done with potty training.

Laguage is developing at this age, and they pick up English amazingly fast!!!!!

Our DS was speaking at least 24 words of English, that we could understand, by the time we got home from Russia. We were home 2 months and his English was just as good as any other child his age here in the states. He also understood us as well as any other child his age.

We spent the first 2 months in the "honeymoon" phase, where our DS was an angel. Slowly, as he became more comfortable with us, he began acting like most any other toddler.

I would say that it took 3 - 4 months for our DS to attach to us (maybe not fully, but well on his way). It took a little longer for our older child, 5 years old, and our new toddler to attach to each other. It took them closer to 8 - 10 months.

We are home 10 months now, and our DS doesn't show any signs of having memories of being in Russia. If we look at the pictures, he doesn't seem to remember - this wasn't the case just a few months after coming home.

We were on the lookout for signs of attachment issues, and began to see some between 2 - 4 months home. When this happened, we took the time to really focus on attachment parenting, and those issues seemed to work themselves out.

We have a happy, healthy, good natured, funny little man who will turn 3 next week .

I just love toddlers!!!