[Kama]

Amy,

Even though I am adopting from Poland... I have gone through something similar, and the wait is the hardest part (I actually enjoyed the document part, putting together a little family album for adoption authorities in Poland, etc.) ... At the very beginning, we wanted to adopt a girl 0-3 yrs old. Our lawyer advised us to be more flexible, so we changed our home study to "any sex, 0-7 yr old, one child preferred, but 2 siblings OK." I am at peace with it because I have realized that the important thing is that it is the right "match." I realized that the overall picture: child's health, past experience, personality, etc. etc. etc. are so much more important than some abstract child that I imagined I would like to raise. I started talking to many adoptive parents who had bad experiences even though they adopted infants and also with those who had wonderful experience with children who were a bit older... So, I do encourage you to be a bit more flexible on your expectations. Also, I hear it feels awful to turn down a referral, but it is OK and perhaps that child was meant for someone else... You will know when you get the right one... you will know in your heart, it will feel right...

[amyfk]

HI Kama

Thanks so much for your feedback. We are learning we have to be more flexible and are willing to do so. Im glad youre on this board since Poland board is quiet.

Please stay in touch and let me know how your process goes.

Amy K, NJ

[Kama]

Thank you, Amy. I will keep in touch. I was also thinking that the waiting really is an opportunity to teach us patience - I am sure we will need it when our little ones come home eventually! In any case, I wish and pray that you get the right referral soon. Take care.

Originally Posted by amyfk

HI Kama

Thanks so much for your feedback. We are learning we have to be more flexible and are willing to do so. Im glad youre on this board since Poland board is quiet.

Please stay in touch and let me know how your process goes.

Amy K, NJ

[kizibits]

Amen, Kama! I've always known that patience was the lesson of my life.

[amyfk]

Thanks ladies for all of your responses,

patience was never my strong suit, Ive gotten better, but I have to say that in 34 yrs Im still not the most patient.

Thanks and we'll all support each other along the way.

Amy K, NJ

[Ktates]

Amy - for me the toughest part was waiting for our referral - I felt like I wasn't "doing" anything about our process - at least with the paperwork you feel like you are doing something and in some control. Sometimes I think IVF would be easier in that respect - you are usually "doing" something most weeks.

We also increased our age range - although it didnt' really matter as our referral was right at 12 months...part of it for us was we were a bit more educated on possible issues or health risks etc once we were more into the process. And my friend increased her age range and got a referral in 2 weeks and her little girl is her best buddy.
It all happens for a reason - hang in!
Karen

[amyfk]

Thanks for the advice Karen, I appreciate it.

Amy K NJ