[aprils0909]

I hope you didn't tip her.

[ddahl]

I have finally added the statement "Thats something we only share with family" to my list of things to say to people. Its a wonder how it shuts them up when they are ignorant and how they support us if they have a clue.... its interesting

[Pinkie]

Good Luck with your journey and safe travels.

BTW, I hope the young lady in question coloured your hair better than her conversation skills!

[amygp]

Try not to let it get to you - as time goes by you will start to see the humor in the comments you hear. My favorite: "Will Ivan still speak Russian once he starts talking?" Unfortunately you can't enlighten everyone, and as time goes by you'll find you're less offended and more amused by the comments. For now, relax and enjoy your last few days of peace and quiet! Congratulations, and god speed! The best is yet to come.

[jmchowat]

Most people that are not intimately involved in adoption just would not realize that they are using offensive terminology. Yesterday I was talking about Ben and Daniel and I said, well that would happen even if they were normal brothers. Did I mean my two are abnormal? Not at all, it's just sometimes things come out in conversation that aren't really what you mean. Oh, let me think about them being abnormal though........
I try very hard to not let comments bother me as most of the time people aren't intentionally trying to hurt your feelings. I have had very few and as time goes by, you tend to mention adoption less and less and you cease getting those comments from strangers.

[cynthiab]

We've definitly had our share of insensitive comments. I don't think most people realize that they are being insensitive. I think it's more a lack of understanding on there part. I usually just let it slide. However there is one comment that I have heard frequently that floors me every time and that is " Your doing such a wonderful thing adopting these poor children". I don't even know how to respond to that.

[cathvash]

How about... "No, THEY are the wonderful ones, and I am the lucky one!"

[Sipper]

I think they just don't hear what it is going to sound like once it leaves their mouth. My little one's day care teacher make me chuckle all the way home recently. Gracie is working hard on learning words and doing quite a good job. The teacher asked me if Gracie speaks Russian (this is woman who has been a day care teacher for many years) I said no, Gracie speaks baby. I guess to some baby chatter can sound Russian.

[fugie]

Sipper - the "will they speak russian" comment is my favorite. When we first brought Michael home he was 13 months old. He wasn't speaking at all. I had a friend seriously ask me if he spoke russian. I was floored but immediately said "no, he doesn't talk yet, but he cries in Russian" and her response was "really???". Duhhhhhh. It was a joke.....I still get asked if he will have a russian accent. I just laugh.

Probably the only comment that offends me a little is the one my own family says. I know they don't mean it in a bad way but I have heard, "He looks like one of the family". He is family......

[nhook]

To Original Poster:


Trust me, it isn't that people are trying to be rude or insensitive, it is just that they do not know the terms "Biological mom or Birth mom" like us adoptive parents do.

I am also adopted and I used to get asked all the time "Do you know who your real mother is??" I know what they are saying and I think they are really fascinated because it is not the norm. They don't know that to me and to my Russian son that "Real Mom" is the mom who wipes your nose and dries your tears and comforts you when you are sad etc......

Believe me, people are fascinated with adoption and they don't know the correct terminology. When people ask me if I know my son's "Real Mom", I say, "No, I have not met his biological mother"

Another thing, people are curious about adoption but know that it is very difficult and costly and hard so most people would never consider doing it themselves but are interested in people who do,.