[Vicki H]

Alex is going to be 3 in a few weeks and boy, was I wrong thinking the twos were bad.

I have some concerns about his behavior. These are some things he has just recently started doing.

When I am talking to him about something he should not have done, he moves his eyes to the side to avoid eye contact (drives me crazy). Also, everytime he doesn't get what it wants I hear "It's not fair" , and my personal favorite, when I tell him it's time for bed, time for dinner etc. I hear, I'm never doing that ever , ever again.

I guess the eye contact thing concerns me, but I figured this is just three year old behavior.

Anyone else dealing with anything like this?

[AwaitingBeloved]

Hi Vicki,
I don't have personal experience, but yes, from what I've heard, this is normal.

It reminds me of my cousin, who is deaf, and was diagnosed as a toddler with being deaf. He had hearing aids by the time he was 2 and a half, I think. But around 3 (may have been more like 3 and a half) he began taking his hearing aids out and shutting his eyes when his mom tried to discipline him! He made sure he couldn't hear her or read her lips! LOL! Smarty pants, huh?

Sounds like your little Alex is also a smarty pants. LOL.

I remember still being afraid to look adults in the eye even in first grade, when the witch of a teacher (I have a lot of unresolved anger there, can ya tell?) made me look her in the eye when she humiliated me for needing glasses..in front of the class.

So, I remember not being comfortable with eye contact. Now, I'd burn a hole in your soul with my eye contact. :-)

[GCS]

Ok - my reply got lost in the great land of the net...so here I go again.

Sam's new thing is "you're being mean to me" anytime he doesnt get what he wants. That and "he started it" are his daily mantras. Yes the avoiding eye contact when being disciplined is an "age thing". It is also an "attachment thing" and a "rude thing" as far as I am concerned so we're working on that now!

I think this is the age to try new things out, so we are sure to be hearing some interesting behavior.

My thoughts? Pick your battles. We're working on the eye contact and on his newly found "oh my God!". Some of the other stuff they just grow out of or let go when they see it doesnt work!

Christina

[lovestruck]

The threes and fours were the worst with my older son!! Most of my friends had the same experiences with the threes. When I talked to my pediatrician about it all those years ago she laughed and said yes, the threes are generally the worst!

In the twos they throw tantrums or throw things or tell you no because they don't have the tools yet. At three they have the language and they want you to know it!!! Harder to discipline "the mouth" rather than a behavior! But try to manage it now because it just gets worse with time

Oh and I still have to remind my almost 7 year old to look at me when I'm talking to him and definitely my 4 year old too.

[waitinginnj]

We roll our eyes, purposely avoid eye contact, tell Mommy that she is a bad behavior girl ( a personal favorite) and mumble under the breath.

He's normal from my perspective.

[AwaitingBeloved]

I hope you guys don't mind me saying this, but your stories are cracking me up! I love them!

I know in a few years when I have a 3 or 4 or 5 year old around, I will be here saying "I remember when I thought this was FUNNY!" I'm enjoying the humor in it while I can. Thanks for bringing me smiles.

[mjkkbbr]

I have 5 kids and ALL of them have have Torrential Threes. I actually think 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 is the most difficult of all years. This is definately where they start asserting themselves and are "testing" out their independance and feelings. This is very normal behavior - including the eyes!!!

Good Luck. Only 6 more months to go!

[crick]

Vicky...unless the eye contact is missing during affectionate times or just in general, I'd say you've got a 3 year old acting like a 3 year old.

The good news is at 3, they are still gullible enough to believe those little white lies....

"if you keep rolling your eyes like that, pretty soon they'll roll right out of your head"....


Julie...I cracked up at the story of your cousin. I tried to flush my hearing aids down the toliet one time. Almost made it, but mom caught me. I didn't give up though...finally did manage to flush the liver and peas down there...LOL But not the aids...had to "lose" them in other places and dang it! She kept finding them!

[mgwurster]

In my house there were no terrible twos - he was cute, talking, playful, then he turned three! That's all I need to say! Actually four was much better, and now five is absolutly wonderful. He's a little man, carries full conversations, listens (most of the time) and is so very independent. He's right on track I'd say!

[echaos]

Liam, 3.5, hit a new milestone yesterday

It went like this:

Me: "Liam, did you knock over Mama's box of nails?"
Liam: "No" [with whole eye avoidance, look at the ceiling strategy]
Me: "Well, how did they get knocked over then?"
Liam: [With an " Oh **** I didn't think of that look] "Ummmmm......" [lightbulb goes off] "Oscar did it!" [Oscar being one of the cats]
Me: "Really?????? And how did big ole fat Oscar fit in there?"
Liam: [realizing that the jig was up] "I'm sorry Mama!!! Just hold me!!!!!!!!"

Too funny!!!!

[leaabc123]

Both my girls are starting to avoid eye contact when in trouble. I usually get down to their level and gently (but firmly) turn their their eyes towards me to speak with them. Unless they are tantruming or crying hysterically, then they get time out until they can be spoken to.

[votemom]

no kids of any age want to look you in the eye if they are in trouble. this carries through to teens for sure.

i recommend getting down on his level, talking to him in a calm and quiet voice, and maybe even hold him in your lap as you talk about the specific behavior. tell him to look at you when you are speaking. you are teaching him respect and you are respecting him in return by maintaining your self control.

it's a process and it continues for many years and yes it can be exhausting! especially kids who are strong-willed. sometimes you will feel like all you do is discipline them. but you just need to remember that discipline is teaching them stuff that is going to help them succeed in life, and in healthy relationships after they leave the nest.

[Vicki H]

Thanks for all of your replies everyone. The eye contact thing is only during discipline. We have no problem with eye contact any other time, so I guess I just have to ge myself prepared for the 3's....LOL

Thanks again,
Vicki

[proudmommyof 2]

Vicki,

When Dennis was about 2 1/2, I thought we were in for smooth sailing. He hit his tantrum stage early (at about 18 months), and by 2 1/2, his language skills were good enough that we were able to threaten him with taking things, etc., to get him to stop.

Then he turned 3.

I remember my MIL telling me 3s and 4s are worse then 2, because they are mouthy. I think she was right.

3s and 4s will argue with you and go for the throat (figuratively speaking, in most cases :-) , whereas the 2s just throw themselves on the floor and cry. Hang in there, because around 4, while he may still be asserting his independence and wanting to argue, he'll also be more able to control his impulses, and while he may want to say horrible things to you, he'll start to learn to rein it in.

Reminding 3s that they can or can't have/do something later, based on their behavior, goes a LOT further than it did for 2s.

Keep us posted. I like to hear about other kids being "temporary devils".

[KimOH]

My pediatrician says it's the terrible twos, the trying threes, the frustrating fours and the finally fives. LOL!

I agree that three was much more difficult to deal with than two because they know what they're doing and they get mouthy. It doesn't entirely disappear at age 5 (we were hoping!) but they do seem to understand more and be able to control themselves more.

Good luck.