[Butabzig]

After the first one (bio) I didn't want to go through that again. Preterm labor at 27 weeks while doing CPR on someone. Nine admissions before she came along at 34 weeks. STRICT bedrest. Went into labor if more than two people in the house, stood in shower more than five minutes, went outside the house. After daughter was born she quit breathing in my arms at three weeks old. She's fine now but I in no way wanted to go through all of that again and couldn't get a guarantee it wouldn't happen again. We wanted one more and Russia was calling us in our hearts.

[cathvash]

One more vote for "Single woman wanting kids" (more than anything else in the world). Adopting alone imay be a frightening choice, but look at our other options:

*Using a sperm donor or "friend" (Gee, no social stigma there!)
*Tricking a boyfriend (I actually had friends tell me to poke holes in condoms or get him drunk! -Sorry, little ethical problem with that one...)
*Domestic adoption is not a realistic option for a single woman, unless she is willing/able to take an older child with disabilities. (A child like this needs two parents more than any other - too exhausting for one person without a spouse.)
*Giving up this dream at 40, wishing for "what might have been".

So, it's not surprising to see so many single women (all attractive, intelligent, and loving of course!) on this board. This path may not be the one we envisioned for ourselves at one time, but thank God we now have this choice!

[kimtenn]

We were married fairly young at 26 and 27, but we just weren't ready for kids (financially/emotionally) until our mid-30's. At age 36, I found out I was pg when an acquantance at church turned around at prayer time and whispered to me, "I just got a flash that I'm supposed to tell you about your baby, and we're supposed to look up Isaiah 54:5." Spooky, especially considering that chapter starts off, "Have hope barren woman." A week later, I lost the baby in a dangerous ruptured ectopic miscarriage. That woman at church saved my life by telling me I was pg. I took it as a sign of bigger things to come.

Anyway, a year later, we decided we were tired of the infertility roller coaster and stopped short of IVF. DH met someone at church who worked for our agency, and she hooked us up. We signed on in Dec. 2003. We got our son Charlie in August 2005. I am almost certain when the woman at church wanted to tell me about my baby, God was trying to tell me not about the baby I was carrying, but the baby we would adopt a few years down the road. Talk about a revelation!! God works in mysterious ways, that's for sure. It was all in his plan, and is the most amazing journey I've ever taken in my life.

I have no doubt that our son was meant to be ours long before he was even born. Isn't God good?

[maddensmom]

I waited to reply to this post and I am not sure why. I guess it is because I am having a hard time right now.
I decided to adopt due to infertiity reasons. I did run through ALL of the options medically. I have never been more bruised physically and emotionally. After 22 cycles, 2 surgeries and a whole heck of a lot of money, I was midway into a cycle and simply could not bring myself to let anyone stick me again. The progesterone injections gave me the most aweful sciatica (sp) ever. I was just miserable and couldn't do it. I no longer had that hope you can begin to feel during a cycle. It was all doom.
I decided that day to adopt and started researching agencies. I found one and it took me only 5 months to complete both my homestudy and dossier. My son was home 4 months later. Fast, I know. I feel an overwhelming amount of sadness for those here and elsewhere who have faced obstacles I can not even imagine. And, now that I am considering having another child in the next couple of years, I am terrified. I simply do not know which way to turn this time. The prospect of infertility treatments again... The prospect of waiting months...years to get a child home, or losing a child... I am at a loss. What is the right direction to take these days?

[cathvash]

Isn't it interesting how each of us has both sadness and pure beauty and joy in our journey!

[lillpkg]

My adoption story is different. I'm single and prayed to God to send me the love of my life. Wala...Yelena! I never thought the love of my life would be in such a small package!

[Jen_in_OH]

Diagnosis...Unexplained Infertility.

Years of being heartbroken about failed attempts to conceive and failed procedures. Now I look at my two delightful children and my "unexplained" infertility finally has an explanation. These two bio siblings were meant to be raised together, and they were meant to be part of my life. DH and I feel soooo blessed.

Jen

[Pinkie]

"Other reasons". Another vote for the Single Mum's.

Never really thought about children albeit I'd always had a peaceful feeling when asked about parenting......truth is, life was good in the fast lane from my mid-twenties to late thirties!!

Then christmas 2003, I was walking through the airport after visiting family in the UK and was hit by this most incredible feeling. All I can say is that I knew my life was going to change completely but I didn't know how. Exactly two years later I was walking through the same airport with my life change in the form of a 5 year old little girl - all the way from Russia!!

[Roon63]

Infertility, in that I could not get pregnant. But adoption was never even discussed. Seemed like something Angela Jolie or Rosie could do. I did daycare and loved up on the kids, and toted them everywhere with me. A lady in a store I frequented, said your kids are always so good. I broke down in front of this stranger. Being a mom had always been something I wanted, but this was as close as I could go. She hugged me, and explained foster to adopt, and told me of a baby that was "legally free" and gave me a phone number. We never say that baby, but 7 months later a 4 year old bouncing boy came into our heart and home, 2 years after that a sibling group of 3, boy 4, and twin girls that had just turned 4.
I thank God for that stranger that turned into a mentor, and is now a friend. And I am a MOM!!

[Camille123]

'Other'

I'm not really sure if there was an infertility problem. During my previous marriage we never tried to conceive. By the time I married again and we decided to grow our family our ages came into play. I know there are other options such as donor eggs, surogacy, etc. but adoption just seemed like the answer. We didn't plan to adopt an older child at 1st but so far I'm pleased with that choice.

[momm2be]

I always knew I wanted to be a mother.

I first thought about adoption when I was 30, and single. With all the publicity back then about China, I was sure I was going there. At that time, single women had to be 35 yrs, but could start the application at 33.5 (18 months until travel). I decided I had a few years to get myself where I needed to be. I knew I wanted a blended family - thought I would like to be pregnant, but saw adoption as my way to giving back to the planet what I have received.

Decided if at 33.5 with no husband prospects I would move forward on my own. I enrolled in grad school, buckled down at work, got that promotion, doctorate and house in a great neighborhood.

Low in behold the month after I finished grad school, I was told I was post menopausal -- somehow with all the stress of the above activities I didn't notice I shot through the peri - part and went straight to post - producing absolutely no estrogen. My chance of getting to a live birth with all the advanced science was placed around <1 % chance of success. I would need an egg donor, and since I was single would also need a sperm donor. Basically needed to find a fertilized egg and cultivate my body to maintain it. ---What the???

There just seemed no sense to that -- why don't I just get a fertilized egg at a point all ready for kindergarten.

So here comes DD. I thank China for changing its requirements for singles. If they had not put forth the limits on single parent adoption of would not have found Nat.

Laugh now, but when I started Russia was supposedly fast.. which I thought I needed being single and expecting all countries to follow with moratoriums and changes for singles. Lucky I got in and out when I did. Perfect child for me in the same time a pregnancy might have been.

Funny how life takes you. Now with DD home, I have found that special someone, and who knows where we will go from here.

[swmphoto]

I always wanted to be adopted strange as it sounds I grew up with only a father and wanted to be part of a "real family" so I always said I would adopt so that another child could be part of a family.

Next thing I know I had two bio girls 11 months apart
and we tried for another. After two years and no
pregnancy a little light bulb went on and I knew just
what to do. I really think it was some kind of fate
that I did not get pregnant again because I would
never be heading to court next week to bring home
"Grady William 12 months old Kemerovo"

[mrbkr]

We are blessed beyond our wildest imagination. We have a loving and nourishing relationship. A very happy home life. Our marriage is sound and our family is prosperous. Our hearts and minds are at peace. Our cup truly runeth over.



We have everything a family could possibly hope and pray for. We are successful in our careers, make more money than anyone really ought to, and have more material possessions than we will ever desire in a life time. We can go anywhere. Do anything and never worry about the monetary consequences. We travel the world on a whim.



It wasn't always that way. Like everyone else not born with the proverbial silver spoon in their mouth we struggled in the early years. It wasn't easy. In fact nothing came easy for us.



We certainly didn't feel like we needed another kid in our lives to satisfy any emotional needs or that emptiness that so many childless couples that we have spoken to have felt. We have three grown children with families and children of their own. They are all successful in their own right and we are ever so proud of each of them.



One day while celebrating our over abundance a light went off in our heads. We felt an overwhelming desire to give something back. We truly believe that people like us have an obligation to share their bounty with others in this world that are less fortunate. None of us can save the world or rescue every child with a gruesome plight or future. We can however save one. And if everyone like us with the where-with-all to do so did the same, this world would be a far better place indeed.



Now that it is all over and our adoption is complete, we have hermetically sealed our fate to maintain this level of happiness for the rest of our lives. The adoption process was quite stressful to say the least but I'm not telling any of you anything that each of you don't already know first hand.



Was it worth it? You know it's funny. All this time we've been thinking about this obligation that we feel in our hearts by bringing this precious child into our lives to share our blessings. The reality here is that since our new daughter entered our lives we find ourselves blessed ten times greater than we ever were without her.

[Lo-la-la]

I have always wanted to be a mother. I can remember feeling that way as a little girl - that someday I would grow up and have a husband and children.

When I was married several years ago, we both wanted children, but things happened and we divorced. We had just started to make the necessary changes in our lives to start our family - I stopped working and became a stay-at-home-wife and prepared for the children that we planned to have . . . he had an affair. We divorced, he married the "other woman" and my dream died - a part of me died. I got my life back on track, dated again, but no one that I would consider marrying, and one day I looked in the mirror and I was 43 years old. I realized my chances of meeting someone, getting married, and having a child were fading away fast.

Then one day at work, while on my way to a conference room where there was a baby shower for a good friend, I found myself getting unexpectedly emotional and I turned and went back to my desk. I could not go in that room crying. It wasn't that I was not happy for her - I was very happy for her. I realized at that moment that the issue of not having children, and that I might NEVER have children, was not resolved in my heart, as I thought it had been.

It was at that very moment - and I truly believe this - that God put it on my heart that I could adopt, that it was in His divine plan for me to adopt, that I was ready to be a mother. It's not like I didn't know anyone who had adopted - I knew several people who had adopted, but it just never crossed my mind that it was an option for me, until that very moment at work.

One of the attorneys I work for travels extensively to Japan and Germany, and I had developed a relationship with one particular travel agent who just so happens to be on the board of an international adoption agency, and who just so happens to have adopted a little girl from China. When I got back to my desk, I called her, we talked and in a matter of days, there was an information packet, with an application, in the mail for me. I shared my plans to adopt first with family and then with friends, and received overwhelming support, with the exception of 2 people who thought that adopting as a single mother was not in the child's best interest, that children deserve 2 parents. In an ideal world, in my opinion, every child would have a mother and a father - we don't live in an ideal world.

Olya was born in January 2003 - I made my decision to adopt in April of 2003. Coincidence? I don't think so . . .

[cathvash]

I wonder if our adopted kids will be more open/interested in adoption, because of their own history?...Has anyone had this discussion with your kids?