[mssylouis]

Hi Everyone - For those of you who adopted older children (6+ years old), did they refer to you as Mom and Dad from the start? or something else? If something else, how did you transition it? We did not participate in a hosting program. We currently are between trips 1 and 2 and are keeping in contact with our children via packages and phone calls to the orphanage every few weeks (with translator 3-way'd in). Of course they refer to us by our first names now. But I am wondering how/if to make the transition once we return for trip 2, especially with the oldest (age 12). thanks for all advice!

[kretzklan]

Wow! I'm surprised to hear they call you by your first names. I've never heard of that. We were introduced to our children as Mama and Papa. They called us that from Day 1. We transitioned to Mom and Dad within a week...just through us saying it to each other and hearing our DS call us that. In fact, our new son just learned my name is Michelle and he laughed VERY hard. Apparently Mom having a REAL name is hilarious!!!

Did you give them your first names to use or did the translator do that?

[Jim_in_PA]

Yes. Mama and Papa it is and remains, both during our hosting month and now with them home permanently. The "know" our full names, but don't use them to address us. (We wouldn't allow it anyway, quite likely)

[HollyB]

Mama and Pops, although, now home six months, our children have gone to Mom and Dad. If they didn't call us by those names prior to the official adoption I would have begun calling them "Seen" (son) or "SeeNOK" (affectionate for son, long o sound). or "DOcha" (affectionate for daughter, again, the o is long) Maybe doing this would emphasize the new relationship between you.

[momm2be]

Don't sweat it. The kids will be ready to call you Mama and Papa from the get go.

Then the honeymoon will be over and there will be other names --

Than the real love blossoms and you hear "Mommy" for the first time.

I remember my daughter calling me "Mommy" about 2 months home than asking if she said it right.

Now a year+ later I am "Yo, lady (with the credit cards)"

[johnandrayann]

When we met our children (7 and 5) on Trip 1 we were introduced as "mommy" and "daddy". We were told the reasoning for this versus "mama" and "papa" was that often the children call the caretakers "mama", and they wanted the children to begin making the differentiation, that we were not just caretakers, immediately. During our three visits, both children alternated between mommy and daddy and mama and papa. It had been explained to them that mommy and daddy were the English words for mama and papa...I asked because I was initially concerned that they might think those new words were our names...but they certainly didn't seem to have any problems understanding who we were or why were there!

[Jim_in_PA]

My friend mommy2be brings up a good point...sometimes you get called things that are the "worst" in the Russian book! (Usually during tantrums) LOL!

[lippylulu]

We adopted an 8 year old. She called us Mama and Papa from the start, probably because that is what the orphanage staff called us. We are home 3.5 months and now she is starting to call us Mommy and Daddy.

In your situation, I think you can probaby just tell the kids "you can call us Mom and Dad." They probably will want to call you that right away and just need permission.

[nungesser]

I second lippylulu's suggestion. When you're re-untied on trip #2, ask them to call you "Mom" and "Dad" at a time you think is right.

Originally Posted by lippylulu

We adopted an 8 year old. She called us Mama and Papa from the start, probably because that is what the orphanage staff called us. We are home 3.5 months and now she is starting to call us Mommy and Daddy.

In your situation, I think you can probaby just tell the kids "you can call us Mom and Dad." They probably will want to call you that right away and just need permission.

[chucknfw]

Hearing my 14 year old son affectionately use "mommy" is the best. I am either dad or pop. I am amused by pop because he usually uses this word when I have embarrased him and somehow their is a long drawn out dipthong (Poooo aaaaap!)
I love hearing daddy from my nine year old daughter. She has me so wrapped around her finger.

We didn't let them call us by our first names after we adopted them. They both used mom and pop for quite a while. As the relationships progressed they terms of endearment came naturally.

[DET62]

The only discussion I ever had with Alesia about what to call me was on my first adoption trip. The agency rep told her to call me "Mama" which I thought was too much. Even though I had been writing to Alesia for about a year [I met her when my choir sang at her orphanage] I didn't want to insist she call me that.

I made the rep tell her, in Russian, that she could call me Dee or she could call me Mom, it was her choice. She called me Dee a few more times, but was calling me Mom before the trip was over. I wanted her to say what was comfortable for her.

I have since realized that I did the right thing. The woman she called "Mama" neglected her and she has few good memories of "Mama." So "Mom" is the best choice. She is even learning to say it the southern way [with two syllables, LOL].

I suggest you let the kids decide.

My guess is that they will choose Mom and Dad, or whatever you tell them. Older kids desperately WANT a family, and those names mean family.

Good luck!
Dee

[SingleMama2B]

I was called "MaMa" from the start. Now almost a year home, I get the following: MaMa, Mom, Mommy, and Mother!

When you go back, talk with your translator, and have them ask the children (especially the 12 y/o) if they wanted to call you MaMa or Mom and Papa or Dad. My girlfriend is adopting a 12 year old girl in this month, and her last trip, the translator asked her why she didn't call her MaMa. The response was simple.... "MaMa's LEAVE" "I don't want Abbe to Leave". JUST BREAKS your HEART! Of course my friend is fine with it. When there is such emotion and a REASON for it, how could you be upset!!! Just a thought for the older one!

Blessings............A in NJ

[mssylouis]

Thank you for the ideas and suggestions. I appreciate the help! :-)