[Teri M]

We will be leaving our son who is 2.5 home with his grandmother (at our house) for both trips... Does anyone have any helpful hints to offer to help me get thru it - but mainly to help our son get thru it....

Someone had suggested making tapes of our voices singing to him...or a video for him to see of all of us playing or us saying something to him....

How did you do it??? Especially the court date trip...

Thanks

[KimOH]

We left our son with his grandparents for trip 1 and for the first part of trip 2. (We were in Moscow Region and trip 2 was 23 days, so DH came back early. I think 3 weeks would have been too long to leave him, but one week was fine.)

We left a "letter" for him each day that basically said "Hope you're having fun and doing all sorts of neat things." and a small gift for him to unwrap each day. Since we stayed in Moscow the whole time (not a more remote region), phoning home wasn't a problem and we called to chat briefly at least every other day. Most of the time he wanted to tell us about what "prize" he'd gotten that day. LOL!

I think, for our son, it also helped that he sees his grandparents often. He knew where he'd be sleeping, what he'd be doing, which days he'd be going to preschool, which days he wouldn't be, etc. "Being prepared" is probably the best line of defense, for my son at least.

Good luck!

[lovestruck]

I haven't left my kids for our trips for the adoption yet, but we left them for a week over the summer for the first time (for that long). I made a book called fun times with mom and dad and had pictures of them with us doing various things and I wrote captions under each picture. I bought that lament that you just put over the page and it sticks then I took it to kinkos to have it bound. The grandparents kept it out and read it to them whenever they wanted. I'm getting things together to make another book for when we go to Russia with pictures of Russia saying where we are and why.

[doozer22boys]

We left our children home for trip one (they're 5 and 8). We also plan to leave them home for trip 2....and we'll be gone 3-4 weeks. That will be tough.

I would recommend bringing a webcam with you for your computer and having one at home. Then you can talk via internet time which is much cheaper. And you can see each other too! It's fun. Sending emails during the day is great as well.

We will also make a videotape of us giving a message, singing a song, or some other silly stuff. We did this when we went on a cruise a few years ago and the kids loved it. They watched it over and over. I made a slideshow of family photos on Shutterfly for Christmas gifts and will leave that for the kids to watch on DVD. They seem to enjoy that.

I'm also big into the "Kissing Hand". We read the book and give each other kissing hands (you kiss each others' palms and then you pretend the kiss is always on there).

Oh, and there is a good book about adoption for siblings at home. I think it's called "Seeds of Love". You can have your parents read it to the child(ren) while you're gone. It gives some cute ways to count down the time.

It will be very tough to be away from them for such a long time, but I have alot of friends and family who will step in here to help out. I was planning on coming home early and leaving my husband over there alone, but when we accepted a sibling group I knew I needed to stay with him. I am looking forward to it alot, but will miss the boys immensely.

Good luck!

[hadams]

We left our then 3.5 y.o. at home when we traveled twice to adopt his sister. I won't sugar coat it. It was hard...hard on us, and hard on him.

Calling home did not help. He didn't get distance, and asked us to come home and check on him...just for a night. Broke my heart to hear his little voice.

We left gifts for him for each day, which he liked. We left him with a photo album of pictures of us, and we took a photo album of him with us. I got teary eyed every time I looked at it...but it helped us both. He helped me put both albums together, and he liked the idea of us having pictures of him with us.

About a month or two after we came home, after a particularlarly rough day, he broke down in tears. We talked about what made him so sad, and he sait it was not being a pilot.

I asked him why not being a pilot made him sad, and he said if he was a pilot, he could have flown the plane and been with us in Russia. Just about broke my heart.

We all survived though. We know there was no way we could possibly have survived taking him with us, and no way we could not have gone.

I think you are doing the right thing by having someone else come to your house, so that you minimize the number of changes.

[dlhall]

We left our 4 year old daughter for our two trips to Russia with her grandparents. I tried not to make a big deal about it. I find that the more anxious I am about it, the more anxious she is and vice versa. If I'm calm and excited about it, she is calmer too.

I tried to focus on all the fun things she'd get to do with her grandparents, and her grandparents made sure she was too busy to really think about us gone. We did not call home when we were away because I knew that would make her more upset that we weren't able to come home now. It was harder on us than it was on her.

I did buy her a few special toys and books for her to have while we were gone, but I did not buy her one for every day.

She did fine while we were gone, but she was very clingy when we returned and I made sure that I spent a lot of time with her after we got back. I am nervous about our next trip (we've taken 2 1st trips, we still need to go to court) when we return with her brother. I think she'll have a hard time. I did buy her the "Seeds of Love" book and Target had these "magic" plants that grow in about one week, so I bought that to go along with the book.

Liz

[angelkisses0102]

We left Arianna when she was about 2.5. The first trip was handled much better than the second...I think because she understood what was happening after experiencing it once already.

We had the grandparents stay at our house and keep her as close to her normal routine as possible...which included going to her little school for at least a few hours a day.

I left gifts (a new baby doll and all the supplies so she could be a 'new mommy' too) and a note for her daily...we also called daily and I had a 'countdown' poster. She did not handle the second trip as well...plus her world was rocked when I returned with a VERY needy baby who screamed if I put him down. That was really the only point I truly questioned her attachment...but I believe her reaction was typical for any child. She did regress and I still to this day...and Alex has been home almost 2 years...lie down with her each night for our special time.

Arianna was (is) very verbal and I should have talked to her more about what was going on...

Good luck, it can be tough on them...but seeing them laughing and playing and hugging each other...makes it so worth it!

[mikeintexas]

We left both of our boys home on both trips 1 and 2. They were 2 and 6 at the time. In retrospect, there is no way my wife and I could have survived the journey and tried to care for the boys at the same time. They really were better off with their grandparents.

We e-mailed every day specifically to our boys and the grandparents read the e-mails to them. We did not call because, based on a previous experience, that made things more difficult when they heard our voice. We did leave little packages/notes/etc for them for each day we were gone (although it got dicey on trip 2 when we were delayed in court...got back with one note to spare). Mike

[cathvash]

I may be there too, though not yet... I don't have a lot of options and am not decided whether to leave my child with my wonderful boyfriend (who is like her "Daddy" - very close), or try to take her with me.

One option I want to look into is taking a laptop along. I have heard that with Internet access you might be able to use the "eyeball-thingy" (don't laugh, you technocrats!) to make live calls each day, where you and your child can see each other as you speak. I don't know if it will help, or how well it works, but it seems more "connected" than the phone. -Perhaps someone else has better info. about this.

Another option is for them to join you in Moscow for the last ~week of the second trip. Gives you the benefit of one on one bonding with #2 first, and then bringing in #1. Many people have raved about staying in a home-like apartment where your family could join you. The time apart from #1 would be shortened considerably, but the stress of travel on #1, and the EXPENSE...

I am going to look at the books referenced above, and the daily notes/gifts sounds great. This is HORRIBLE. I can't imagine what it will be like to be apart from my "baby"!!!

[swmphoto]

I had a friend mail little gifts that I made ahead of time each day so they got to check the mail. They thought
I was mailing them from Russia.

I also made a 16x20 calender for the days we were gone.
The callender was filled with our pictures and they
could cross of each day until we were home.

We actullly had a babysitter stay at our house for the
week my friends also helped by stopping by and visiting.

We go in a few weeks and the same babysitter is staying
at the house again. They are alos allowed to stay
in our room while we are gone and sleep together.

I think they will do fine this trip.

[Katie63011]

I just got back from our final trip. We left our 2.5 year old at home for three one week trips. Like Liz, we had to make 2 first trips. I came home after court and my husband waited out the 10 days and brought our daughter home by himself. Wouldn't have done it any other way.

Our situation is unique in that we don't have any relatives that live close by and all sets of grandparents still work so them coming to us wasn't any option. We could have flown him to one of our sisters houses but felt that would have been too upsetting since he should stay as much in his routine as possible. He is in part time daycare and loves it.

We talked a lot about our trips with him prior to each trip and hired a sitter (she has babysat for him for 2 years and is older) to stay in our house. I think keeping him in his routine was what helped him keep it together. Our first trip, we videod ourselves reading him his bedtime books and he loved it. Second trip, it made him sad, so Meredith didn't play it after the first night. I left small gifts that Meredith could give him when she felt it was necessary, but not every night.

We called home and at first he was excited to talk to us (he is quite verbal for his age). The second trip, when I spoke to him, he cried but was fine with his dad. Third trip he was better. We only called about twice per trip. When we got home, he was extra clingy for about a week.

If you are in a region that doesn't waive the 10 days, I would highly recommend one of you returning early if possible. I think that it definitely helped my son transition to life with a new sibling. Don't get me wrong, we still have our moments, but he was not as needy as he had 2 weeks home with me before my DH and DD arrived. Also, I was refreshed and was able to take over and let me DH recover from the trip. It would have been hard with a new baby and a clingy child that had been left at home.

A few other things that helped with my son - I had a calendar that he could mark off the days and also had a good freind that he loves and sees all the time take him for a day to do "special things". Gave him something to look forward to.

No matter what you do, it will be hard on your child. I think it was harder on us though. I never thought that I could physically ache to see and touch someone so much. It was hard to leave my DH and DD in Russia though. I missed out on irreplaceable moments like leaving the orphanage with her, the embassy, getting off the plane etc. It was strange to be at home and back in my routine knowing that my DH and DD were in Russia. Also, we were home alone over X-mas which was strange. My husband travels a lot which is how we decided he would stay in Russia. My DS is used to him being gone more than me. I think my DH will cherish his moments with his DD, he definitely bonded quicker with her than our DS because of his one on one time with her.

Good Luck!

[another2]

We just completed both our trips, leaving our 4 and 5 year old with their grandparents.

We also did a "countdown calendar" but each day showed what the kids would be doing with their grandparents and what we were doing in Russia. They decided by comparison that getting new toys and going to McDonald's and the playground was much better than being with Mommy and Daddy and going to court and the medical clinic and taking 11.5 hour plane trips!

We did call every other day but often only spoke to the grandparents. It seemed to upset the children to get on the phone so we didn't push it.

KT