[cathvash]

Almost everyone in my family and circle of close friends became very supportive after I made it clear that this was my chosen path. They all said "of course we'll support you in whatever you decide...". However, the INITIAL reactions were almost universally "Oh, -Don't you think you might still be able to have biological children?" (I was already over 40 and single). I had variations in the theme, from "Why won't that *{+** boyfriend marry you and give you a child?", to "You know, that (one in a thousand women/actress ) ______ was 46 when she had her child -I read it in the tabloid!"

I also had folks state some reservations about going the Russian route for various reasons. Again, once I made it quited clear to all that this was right for me, they quickly became the most avid supporters, and now all love my child dearly!

[Chris3148]

Everyone was COMPLETELY on board with us adopting!!!! We just got the question, "Why Russia?" a lot. And we had our same answer all the time. They were satisfied with the answer and now many of them have become interested in the Russian culture.

Now many family/friends want to go with us on the trip! Sorry, but no...we will be going alone!

[cindyc]

Unfortunately, we noticed a HUGE difference between our domestic adoptions and our adoption abroad. When we adopted domestically, we found tremendous support, especially from our church and families.

This time, we just didn't feel incredibly supported. A few people seemed to think we were saints on earth and were enthusiastic about our adoption. We did hear a few very negative comments, however. One person went ballistic, thinking we were single handedly going to infect our town with hepatitis and would be gravely disappointed in the child we brought home. Another person grimaced and recounted all the awful scenes of Romanian orphanages on the news 15 years ago.

Well, it WAS an opportunity to do some "educating" of some people who had very poor concepts of international adoption, and I do hope I'm done some consciousness-raising on the subject. (But it still hurt to hear those comments.)

My family is slowly coming around, seeing how adorable (and healthy) my son is. I've come to really appreciate the people who do support us and cherish the kind comments I do get, much more than I did when we adopted domestically.

Blessings to all who need support through this,
CindyC

[Abdulina]

We've never had either family side support us on any of our adoptions...ever. It really does hurt. Next adoptions will be kept completely secret until the kids get home. I will send out an announcement with the new ones picture on it. See what reaction I get that time! We contemplated doing that with Bojan but we did not. We told everyone--big mistake. We hear nothing but negative commnets, especially since all are special needs. Urghh. Family, can't live with them, can't really disown them. LOL. So glad to hear others experiences were positive.

Take care,

[kretzklan]

Well - our support has been lukewarm. Friends here at home were wonderful...they wanted to do anything and be help if they could. They are OUR "adopted" family so that was wonderful.

Family - another story...mine were not very nice. I've posted the whole boring story. The update is that my mother heard their voices on the phone and since she has seemed more interested in them. Like "wow, they aren't aliens"...or something weird. So, we take that one step at a time. Honestly, my mother isn't too supportive in much of anything...SO...I expected no less!

We are our own family.

[Shay]

Stephanie, my heart breaks for you. That is awful that the families weren't supportive, especially since your heart is so big to take on special needs children.

My hat is off to you and others who take special needs children. I am so glad you at least have us to help support you!

HUGS!!!

[lovestruck]

We've been very blessed to have the majority of people be extremely supportive. But what surprised me the most was my father. We aren't all that close, but we do have a relationship. He raised four of my step mother's children from small ages, so of all people I thought he would be on board, so when he started talking about all the horor stories of people he knew that adopted and it ruined their lives and did I think it was a good idea since we already have two healthy boys, etc I was SHOCKED. I do think he will end up treating my bio kids and the baby differently and if that happens even the first time that will be the last time. I hope my fears are wrong. Now, in saying that, if she turns out healthy and has no problems then he'll think it's the best thing ever. We keep telling him, look there are no guarantees that you aren't going to have mental or development issues with bio kids, so, like we did when pregnant with the boys, we hope she's healthy and when she comes home if she's got various issues, we love her, get her the treatment she needs and go on with life just like we would have if our boys would have had issues or even still develop them.

Other than him everyone is supportive, although every now and then we do get that, oh it takes a special person......I'm sure you've all heard it, maybe at least once.

And Stephanie, I'm sorry that you didn't and don't have the support from your family and that makes me think even more of you (I always look forward to your post). I have a close friend who wants to adopt so badly and her family is so negative about adoption that she won't do it. It breaks my heart. So I think it's great that you and your husband have pushed forward doing what you believe is right for the two of you rather than giving in to the pressures from others.

[Ktates]

Well our situation is a little different in that we really didn't tell most people until we got a referral. It was mostly supportive. We didn't discuss trying to have a baby or our fertility, with anyone either. We also skipped the whole IVF thing as well. Basically we told our parents we couldn't have children and didn't want to do IVF and were looking into adoption. They were pretty happy with that overall - my folks were actually really happy we WEREN'T doing IVF. DH's family was very worried about adopting from Russia but really didn't say too much - just a few comments here or there.

We got our referral and then traveled 4 days later - so by the time we told most of our friends we already had Aisling...I didn't want to give anyone the opportunity to say anything negative and put a downer on things.

[GCS]

My MIL was the only one who was very negative and against the adoptions. It wasn't enough for her to give us her "professional" opinion as she was a pediatric nurse for 25 years many years early (and had no experience with IA), she had to try and poison the well to everyone else she met.

She made sure to deliver every negative article about IA adoption to us in front of other family members so she could again remind us how serious FAS was. Really, like she could know more about FAS from reading a Chicago Tribune article than we did with all our research. After 6 months of this I just tossed the articles and didn't even respond to her. There was even one waiting for us when we got home from trip two with our children. She had set it with our mail.

When we received our referrals, she took one look at Sam's picture and set it down saying "you never know what physcological problems he is going to have". I have never forgotten this.

Today she is on board and acts like she always was. I know that when we go back for numbers 3&4 she will be at it again. She really believes we just got lucky. There's no educating people who dont want to listen to reason.

Other than her, everyone we have talked to has been incredibly wonderful and onboard. We get the "Why Russia" and "Why not domestic" all the time still, but it seems that people are just trying to understand a system they are not a part of. It's usually harmless.

Christina

[becky26]

We also had the support of all the families. They knew how devastated we were after our stillbirth (after IVF). I simply could not go through this again. My family was very happy that I decided against another IVF round. Especially my mom felt horrible when she saw all the injections and hormons going into my body. But she was also worried about Russia - so much alcohol...

They are supportive when we talk about starting our second adoption. But they also remind us that we may not get so lucky the second time around...