[Jim_in_PA]

[This is a reprint of my latest BLOG entry for the convenience of those who don't follow things there. I do recommend you read Alison's entry from earlier this evening before she crashed on the "first sleep shift"...it's quite entertaining. The one below is important because it's not only about the journey, but also points out that everything isn't always "roses"]

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Now that I feel semi-human again after finally getting a nice, hot shower...it’s time to expound upon our return to Moscow for final processing and our travel home completed yesterday evening. This will be a very lengthy post, so sit back...I don’t want to stop while I can still stay awake! Our last day in Tyumen was an enjoyable one with quite a bit of free time since our only “official” duty for the day was to pick up the girls’ passports late in the day. We started out once again with the nice buffet breakfast included with our room in the Comfort Hotel Tyumen. After a little relaxation and deciding what to pack where, we joined up with Heather, Rick and Zhenia for a nice winter walk to a local department store and lunch at a very cute restaurant on the way back to the hotel. While at the store, we bought some small, colorful pocketbooks and “hair things” for the girls and some toys to play with on the planes and in Moscow. Of course, there was the requisite grumbling that everything wanted was not purchased, but hey...that’s life!

Our departure from Tyumen was an early 7:15am flight, so we had to be ready to go at 4:40am. The girls slept in their cloths and actually were awake and ready to go at the appointed time. Both kids were ready to fly...in fact, one ten-year-old was expecting the plane to be at her beck and call immediately. The ensuing wait was not to her liking, but once we were on the plane, there were no problems. (I will mention here, however, that this was an unfortunate omen of things to come later) Of course, the flight attendant was also quite generous with the confieti (candy) and that didn’t hurt. Both girls slept for a time during the smooth two hour flight to Moscow. We landed at Vnukovo airport, rather than Domodedovo from whence we left...a very nice remodeled facility to the south-west of the city center. More grumbling since we obviously had to wait for our luggage. (There is a pattern developing here, you might notice... ;-) )

Moscow is a most enjoyable and surprising city. We really enjoyed our two days there prior to heading out to Tyumen and our return visit for a couple days, while busy, was equally satisfying. I will make a separate post later about my thoughts on this wonderful city so I can stay focused on our journey, but suffice to say, I recommend folks who travel to Russia try to schedule some dedicated time to explore. Our return to the Marriott Grand was great and the girls liked our room and our visits to the Executive Lounge upstairs for breakfasts and snacks. The staff in the lounge were wonderful with the girls, too.

Prior to checking into the hotel, however, we had to get the girls’ medical checkup (required for the US Embassy) and visa photos taken. The medical was done by the “famous and very popular” Dr. Boris at the American Clinic. He’s quite a character and very good with children. It must have been sibling week, too, as there were two other sets waiting during our visit. Both girls checked out just fine and we headed off for a quick stop at yet another “basement mall” photo studio and then on to the hotel. Since it was too early to check in, we left our bags with the bellman and walked to the Starlight Diner not far away for a nice reasonably priced lunch...the hotel is not a good candidate for that! Bolshoy Duraga! (very expensive!) After checking in and getting comfortable, we pretty much had the rest of the day and evening to ourselves outside of meeting with our Moscow coordinator to go over and complete the embassy paperwork...which was a good thing since our “list” was not quite accurate because we were adopting two. Extra copies of several items were required.

Oh my, that was also Thanksgiving, so once again, we assembled a whole bunch of people and walked down to TGI Friday’s to celebrate the meal together. In addition to Heather, Rick and Zhenia, some of our friends from the Adoption Forums as well as their fellow travelers were all at the tables, several having recently met their future children for the first time and one couple with their new baby girl. It was an unusual setting for Thanksgiving, but certainly reflective of the occasion. I have to say, however, that my chicken fingers, albeit good, just were not the same as a traditional turkey feast. It was great having Nastia, Alesya and Zhenia all there to celebrate with us, although it was not something we tried to explain this early in the game!

Friday brought us some “free time” in the morning, so swimming was the highlight for the girls...they both love the water, although Alesya is still very tentative and would only splash around in the jacuzzi. Nastia, however, is “nearly a fish” and will likely be a strong swimmer. She was swimming without floatie assistance in the Tyumen hotel for a bit; we did insist she use them in the Grand as the water is 1.6 meters deep throughout the pool. After a quick lunch at the American Bar and Grill up the street, we were picked up for our 2:30p appointment at the Embassy to receive the girls’ immigrant visas...something necessary for them to enter the US with us. Everything went smoothly and at that point, we had completed everything we had to do in Russia for our adoption. What a feeling! That evening, we had dinner with Heather, Rick and Zhenia (at Friday’s again since it was very inexpensive) as it would be the last opportunity for the 3 kids from Tyumen to be together in Russia. And then we packed.

Once again, we had the girls sleep in the clothes they wanted to travel in since we had a 3:30a wake-up call and had to leave the hotel at 4am to head to the airport for the start of our return to the US. That all went smoothly and we were in the van on-time. It had been snowing and the road was slippery, so the extra time was a blessing for our driver. When we arrived at the airport, we found that the “VIP” service we had paid for to whisk us through the exit process was not in place...someone dropped the ball somewhere. Fortunately, there weren’t many other people there, either, and we didn’t have too much time to spend in line. The official in the passport control booth was also very nice to us and the children. Easy. And then on to the gate area...where the “parenting experience of the day” started.

You will recall that the concept of waiting is not something that a certain 10 year old likes very much. For the first 20 minutes or so while we were waiting to go through security and into the gate area, there was pouting and whining. It escalated from there into a full, no-holds barred, temper tantrum where for nearly 45 minutes she was screaming over and over “Samalot hachu, sechess!” (“I want on the airplane now!”) at the top of her lungs and crying forcefully. I was incredibly embarrassing and required the greatest of care due to the huge sensitivities with regards to adoption by foreigners, particularly from the US. (There are some that would stop it altogether) It took every iota of patience and fortitude for both of us to stay calm and appear “in control” when the inclination was to bang our heads against a conveniently located metal light pole next to our seats. I am SO thankful that she was screaming to get ON the plane rather than the alternative...at least we were not the bag guys in others’ eyes outside of not being able to quiet our daughter. (BTW, our younger daughter was content to sit and play with a Palm Pilot and enjoy a stick of gum during all of this while waiting to board...thankfully)

Our 7a flight to Frankfurt was essentially uneventful once we got the seating arrangements straitened out with both girls on the two outboard seats together while Alison and I sat together in the middle section of the two-isle plane. The flight attendant was also kind enough to drop off some stickers and a small toy to both girls as they got settled in. While en-route, Alison was able to get across that we would be in the Frankfurt airport for a number of hours (telling the girls we were leaving at four o’clock which was much later than our actual departure time). We were able to find enough to do after a small amount of pouting to keep everyone more-or-less smiling, including cheeps (fries) and Cokes from Mickie D’s and a large number of escalator and people mover rides. Occasional bribery with new toys and crafts also helped us get through our layover. There was some more grumbling as we had to pass through additional security on the way to the gate and, of course, wait in line to get on the plane, but nothing dramatic. (But the story isn’t done yet...hee hee)

Our transatlantic leg was more or less enjoyable outside of sheer fatigue from a long 8.5 hour flight and both Alison and I coming down with head colds. Lufthansa was absolutely incredible—the flight attendants all doted over the girls and the food was about the best I’ve had on planes. The fact that the new business class seats have the convenience of personal video (read: Lion King) was also quite helpful. Surprisingly, the girls stayed awake for the first 5 and a half hours of the flight, but did finally succumb to the sand-man. The only sadness I have about that is they both missed the touchdown in Philadelphia at 4:43pm ET when they officially became US Citizens. Despite that, it was a mildly tearful point in our journey as we finally had our daughters, both legally and nearly home back in the US. Waking up two totally crashed kids was not easy, although Alesya was a real trooper. She goes out stone cold when she goes to sleep, but when awoken, she recovers fairly quickly. Umm....and then there is our senior daughter. It wasn’t pretty.

Disembarkation from an airline under normal circumstances is a process that requires some waiting. Disembarkation from an airline that is coming in from an international origination point combined with two passengers who are newly adopted and traveling on IR3 immigration visas requires even more waiting. Our friend, “the fit” returned, although this time it was a screaming repeated chant, “Machina Seeches! Ni buda Miltia!” (“I want to be in the car now! I don’t want to see the police!” (referring to any of the folks in uniform from the Immigration and Customs or similar) At least this time is wasn’t in front of a couple hundred of our close traveling friends. When the officer handed me back the girls’ passports after processing them, he whispered, “Welcome...”...and just smiled.

But wait....there’s more! Remember said machina? These automobile things must just magically appear since someone expected to walk out the door and into the car in a mere moment. Not! Another wait. This time, I think that the Philadelphia airport owes us for floor cleaning service since apparently, the floor just inside the door of Terminal A is now a lot shinier from all the flailing about of a couple of arms and legs while continuing the first part of the most recent chant. I missed that part as I was catching the bus to the parking facility I use and bringing the machina back to pick up everyone and our luggage. I have to be honest, it was probably good that I missed it as my mental state by then from being tired and all stuffed up had me stretched pretty thin. At any rate, I got the car there pretty fast, loaded everyone up and magically, “everyone” was pleasant and smiling. Go figure. We got home about 6:30p and it was almost like the girls had never left. The birds were happy to see them, too, which we are both very happy about.

My final comments on this are to help explain that we do not in any way have a “bad child”. Without going into a lot of specific detail of history for privacy reasons, suffice to say that kids who live “in the system” outside of a family, no matter where they are from, often have an extreme level of emotional immaturity. It’s circumstantial and to be expected. Anastasiya and Alesya are no exceptions to this and they both exhibit, different, but equally important symptoms of their backgrounds. Dealing with these issues is an important part of the post-adoptive experience. Some things work themselves out with just time and experience; others require professional assistance. Whatever it takes...that’s why being part of a family is so important for all these thousands and thousands of children who are without the support of parents. (a Russian term that I happen to like very much because it’s direct and honest) That’s what these adorable girls will get from us. Whatever it takes.

[trnews71]

Glad you guys are home and well!

[ncdoppler]

Glad you're home, thanks for sharing your journey!!

Nichole

[heikewould]

I sit here crying, your absolutly 100% right, "Whatever it takes".

[BlueSkies70]

"whatever it takes"...that's an awfully powerful sentiment, full of emotion! I had to put myself back together after reading that. And I'm only reading it, not living it! Wow! I'm so happy for your family and awed at your courage and strength. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

[mommyto4]

Thanks so much for sharing your story, your transparency is amazing. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, congratulations! What a beautiful family you have

[mycodybear]

Congratulations on arriving home as a family of four!! I loved reading this post. It's so wonderful to hear how well you, Alison and the girls are doing. I really felt for you guys with the screaming tantrums in the airport, though!! That is one of my recurring nightmares...a screaming child that I can't quiet and everyone in the world giving me death stares!! Welcome to parenthood...the good, the bad, and the ugly! Although you shouldn't have too much of the ugly since your daughters are absolutely gorgeous! It also gave me chills to see that you changed your banner from "Determined to be a Dad" to "Finally a Dad"! Congratulations to all of you!!

[58grace]

great story. It sure sounds like you are prepared with the right attitude! good luck.

[lippylulu]

Jim welcome home nad thank you for a beautiful post. We are home 10 weeks now with our 8 year old and ye, it can be very trying at times. The first month was the hardest. It is so hard to know when to ignore acting out and when to intervene. You seem to have a decent grasp of Russian which will help. We were clueless for hte longest time. Now that our daughter is learning a lot more English we can actually discuss certain issues "No you cannot have everything you want and we all have to wait sometimes." Welcome home and enjoy the ride!

[Kasey]

Congrats and welcome home!!! Your posts have been so wonderful to read, I wish you and your family the best as you start your new life together!!

[his,mine&ours]

Jim and Alison,
Congratulations on being home and on starting your new journey as parents. Thanks so much for sharing your story with us.

[angelkisses0102]

Jim & Alison~

Thanks so much for your honest 'report'...you guys will do great because you not only love those beautiful girls...but you 'understand' the why's of some of their struggles. You will help them heal and blossom...what a gift...for all of you!

Please continue to update us as you are able...

[DET62]

Great to hear from you and know you're all home and safe.

Sorry about the temper tantrums. My Alesia hasn't pulled anything like that, but she is very adaptable to all situations. I was amazed how well she handled the flights home.

One thing she hates, though, is not being in control of every situation. We were making Christmas wreaths yesterday at home, and she gave us a really bad time because she wasn't allowed to make the bows. [It was expensive ribbon and she didn't know what she was doing.] I finally yelled at her and sent her to her room.

Alesia HATES not being in control of every situation. She hates being told what to do. She wants to do everything, (including cooking) and things she really cannot do, and resists mightily when we point out that she must let us show her. I suspect that's true with your daughter as well.

I fashioned a Behavior Chart recently, and that has really improved Alesia's behavior. I don't know if your girls could understand such a thing, but it's something you might try at some point. Alesia loves games, and the chart is sort of like a game.

With love and patience I'm sure y'all will figure out the best way to get the girls to behave.

Good luck!
Dee

[mikeintexas]

Awesome post. Welcome home y'all.

[erickk]

Jim and Alison-

Again welcome home and you are right-whatever it takes. Although I will admit to chuckling about the tantrums-been there many times. Especially the comment about how clean the floor must now be at the airport-been there too

Love and time are the things you all have plenty of. My heart feels very happy knowing you are all home together. Congratulations on being home.

Karen