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Originally Posted By Jess

We were recently discussing becoming foster parents to two little girls (ages 7 and 8) whom I met at the elementary school. We have four biological children at home and had previously been discussing adopting a little boy under three (our youngest biological child is three). I met the two little girls through my son's SLD class (I was volunteering in the classroom a few hours a week.) The girls had thought their mother was going to get them back at Christmas but she failed her home inspection (Can you imagine NOT cleaning your hom to have a chance at regaining custody of your children? It's sad for all of them -- I wish things wouldv'e been different for the children and her.)

At any rate, it appears the mother's rights are being terminated so they will be available for adoption. The girls now go into another "system" for the foster-adopt program and cannot continue in their current foster care home, for some strange reason. They were both crying and asking teachers/moms to adopt them so they could keep going to the school. It was very painful, you just wanted to hold them and protect them forever. They are both very sweet well-behaved girls in spite of being in and out of foster care for more than four years. I pray they keep them together.

The point of this is that I called our local children services to see if we could somehow foster them at least through the end of the school year. We have the room in our home and hearts.... The representative, although very nice, told me that because our oldest daughter had been an abuse victim (never acted out) and had been in therapy previously (for four years) but is now doing seemingly well...that we probably couldn't qualify to foster. This was discussed with the home study social worker previously who never mentioned it as possibly preventing our being approved to adopt internationally. The state social worker said that our daughter would be considered "special needs" because of having been abused. Do you have any children who are considered "special needs" and how has that affected your home studies? (I hope this isn't too personal, if so, just ignore.) To me, my daugher (no 14 yr.) is super normal kid, she plays volleyball, swim team, and cheerleading. She's active in her church group, well liked by her peers and teachers. No health issues. What is "special needs"? True, she has needs (to be loved, cared for, appreciated, guided, disciplined, fed, clothed, warm home, etc.) but special needs? Based on what I know, all children could be considered special needs...some with extra needs (such as special therapies, medical care, longterm supervisory care, etc.).

An interesting catch on this was that the state social worker did say that perhaps we could qualify as adoptive parents of a foster child....apparently there's a different standard or something. Does this seem strange, what are not understanding? (We are praying that the two little girls will be adopted, they are true treasures -- small for age, olive-skinned Caucasian girls, nice manners, intelligent (the one has an identified learning disability -- like dyslexia, and the other is just a little lost in her learning effort -- five different elementary schools in 2 and a half years would have to be confusing....they will probably get adopted quickly and I pray they will find love and stability and immense joy in their new home....They're in the state of Florida....

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Originally Posted By joann

I can tell you we had a horror story as foster parents in Texas 10 years ago. I have NO respect for our system. Instead of helping the children it is set up to protect, it offers them horrible abuses. Our first foster child was a 10 day old crack baby. I spent countless nights walking him as he withdrew from the drugs. The "system" was supposed to be terminating parental rights after 6 months in which his mother didn't show up to visit him, continued her lifestyle of drugs, alcohol and prostitution, and seemingly did nothing to get him back. When we mentioned adopting him, they threw a fit and said that was NOT possible. That the best place for him was with his mother. So we filed suit against the state and went to court for 18 months. We did win our case that everyone involved said would be impossible, and it set a precedence for other foster parents. But it was such a heartwrenching experience for our whole family and cost us ALOT more money than international adoption! Like you, we were so concerned for the children. But I will warn you that you will be hardpressed to find social workers that are really in the job for the children's sake. It is a pitiful system. We have been asked so many times by judges in Russia why we don't adopt from there. They just shake their head when we explain our system to them. I don't understand it either.