[Vicki H]

Please no flames, but I am really curious since we may be adopting another.

Alex is my little momma's boy and I worry will I be able to love another like my little Alex.

Is this normal to feel this way?

Vicki

[votemom]

very, very normal.

I never dreamed I could EVER love any child more than my daughter.

it's inexplicable, but you WILL love your next child just as passionately, intensely, and wonderfully!

I love the quote: What is the only thing that multiplies as it divides? A mother's love!

[GCS]

DH and I have both had the same thoughts as we look to start the process for number 3. We also know how blessed we are with our two and how relatively easy it has been becoming a family and worry that number 3 wont either be as easy, fit in well, might have problems that take too much time away from our other two, etc. etc.
I think we would feel the same way if we were pregnant with number 3 instead of adopting. I think most parents worry about this!

Christina

[EJsDad]

Vicki -

It is absolutely normal to have these feelings! I guarantee you, though, once you have that second one in your arms, your feelings will change!

Robert

[Kendal]

I think this is a totally normal emotion. One I know I felt before we adopted our little boy. I had such love for my girls and the thought of loving another child how I love them seemed impossible to me. Now 5 months home with our little boy, I can't imagine my life with out him. He has filled a space in my heart that I did not even realize was empty until we got him. Not only that but it has cause me to love my girls even more (if that's possible) because now I see them in a whole new light, as big sisters. And I am even more amazed by them

[karenjoe]

We are waiting for #2 and I do feel this way at times. But this topic has been posted before (esp related to bio vs adopted) and everyone has said over and over that the love for #2 will come and then you won't be able to live without them! :-) Although right now I can't imagine loving another as much as I do DS, I'm sure I will! It will be a brand new adventure!

[ATwinkleofHope]

That is funny that you bring this up. Everyone keeps asking if we are planning on having another child. I keep thinking "But Brianne has ALL my love and I have no more to give" I have talked to many people and this is a very normal feeling as many have stated. Alot of parents feel the same way after their first no matter how their family was joined.

Good luck to you,
-Jo

[melis-2004]

When expecting my second I actually felt sad in some ways because I felt I was not going to be able to spend as much time with my precious older child. Love just grows and expands!!!! After my second arrived I never had this worry again with the others. I had learned my lesson! Yes, you will love the next just as much; you just love each one a little differently because of all of their wonderful differences.

Melissa

[angelkisses0102]

I'll chime in here...since we have adopted two. Yes, I too thought I could not possibly love another child as deeply as I do Miss Ahna. I worried at first with Alex because even though I knew I 'could' love him...I didn't LOVE him right away like I did with Arianna.

Fast forward to today and I have such a great love for him...I agree with the others, I didn't know what my heart was missing until it filled with the love for two children. And the love is different...for the two of them...not any stronger for either child, just different.

And I just know there is room for #3...some day.

[calikismet]

I'll agree with Karen, since we too have adopted 2.

Our son was just like your Alex... my baby boy. He is definately a mommy's boy (altho ALL BOY), and I felt at times like my heart was literally going to explode with the love I had for him. I did worry when we were adopting our daugter that (1) I would not love her as much, and (2) my son would suffer b/c he would not get all of my love. Like Karen, I was not IN LOVE with my 2nd right away, and that intesified my fears. But somehow, along the way, I did fall in love with her, in a brand new way -- I see things and traits and quirks in her that I love, and that are so unqiue from our son..

Now I have 200% of the love in my heart, and love each of my kiddos equally and passionately.

[Vicki H]

Thank you all for your responses. This helps to ease my fears a little.

I worry because Alex gets so much of my attention , as well as the attention from other people.

I really do not have a lot of experience with other in my family having two small children at one time. One of my nieces is an only child and my nephew was 8 and was kind of into his own thing when my other sister had my niece.

Thank you all again, you responses were wonderful.

Vicki

[erickk]

I have worried about this too. When I heard the words-I think you will have your referral next month, I discovered I had sort of put a shield around my heart. Once I heard those words the shield dropped a little. We know nothing about him or her yet-and I think the shield is still there-I sort of feel afraid to toss it aside just yet.

On a separate note-I got a really cool book for Eli that someone recommended to me so he knows when his sibling arrives home that our love for him will not change. It's called I Love You the Purplest by Barabra Joosse (she also wrote Mama, Do You Love Me and Papa, Do You Love Me). All fanatastic books.

Karen

[grannymac]

Sweet Vicki-
A mother has so very much love to give. It's hard to put into words but I know just how you feel. With each of my pregnancies I wondered the same thing, but then the new little one comes into your life and the love just spills from you. Alex will always be special because he was your first, but there is nothing wrong with that. The new one will be special because she is the "baby".
Trust me-you will always love the new arrivals just as much as the ones at home. Then times flies by, you become a grandma and that love just bubbles again!!

[tbristow]

Vicki,

Hunter is my 3rd and I felt that way with #2 but not number 3 because I already knew I could do it.

In the for what it's worth department, I was raised an only child and I HATED it!! I still do for that matter.

[mikiment]

I remember once reading a story where the mother had numerous children. Somehow she had either told each child privately or somehow conveyed to each the sentiment that made each child feel as if he/she were her favorite/most special. Isn't that what we are all striving for --- to make each of our children know how much they are loved, how special they are to us? That is the beauty of a parent's love -- there isn't a finite, limited amount but rather it seems to multiply, I think exponentially, with each child.