[angelkisses0102]

I will pm attachment links to anyone who wants them...just pm me...if anyone wants attachment info..pm me...

now stepping off my soapbox...it's time.
Thanks...

[Kasey]

Karen,
I was in no way trying to get you to step off your soapbox, you are a wealth of info in regards to attachment and attachment issues, I was just trying to debate the topic and explain how I was feeling reading some posts. I totally think you should still be an advocate for attachment issues and sharing your story, I said that before in my response to you in the previous post, I was just trying to offer up an explanation since you felt that some many people were adverse to attachment parenting, when I didn't feel that was the case.
I personally think healthy debates and seeing different sides and opinions is a great thing and can be a great way to learn.
So my apologies if I hurt your feeelings in anyway, that was not my intent.

[angelkisses0102]

Kris...read the thread...it's not you...also...read your rep's...you will know it's not you. You and I are actually on the same side...you just balance it out better...

[skling69]

I have never taken your post as being on a soapbox, but as you saying you wish you knew then what you know now, and this is what to look for. People also have to look at the information and relate it to their particular situation. Everyone needs to be aware of the issues, some people may suspect their child has issues and others of us know our child has issues. Depending on which situation is yours is how you read the information. It is not until you absolutely know that your child is not attaching as they should that these things become rules to live by. If things are going well or if it is too soon to know, then consider this information as "Guidelines".

[angelkisses0102]

I am PM'ing the links to those who requested it from the other thread... britfish, madden's.mom & mikiment.

[mikiment]

No, Karen, No!! Say it isn't so! I'm another one who says "Please, no giving up your soapbox!!"

C'mon folks, this is too important an issue, and we all need to recognize that some info posted on the forum applies to us and our children, and some may not. Pick and choose, like you would any reference material, and please don't get your feathers ruffled either way since I think we can all recognize the generous spirit in which Karen is offering this info by means of educating us. This is an important service Karen is providing to help people become aware of POSSIBLE attachment issues. It's that whole "the more you know, the more you know" thing. She is trying to help us based on her own personal experiences --- isn't that the best of what this forum is all about?

Nobody should get overly touchy about any info that's being shared in such a giving and sensitive way. (Frankly, if you're getting worried that the info is stepping on your toes, then maybe down deep you are concerned about a possible issue that you really might need to check out...Sometimes that's how it works for me.) After all, this is scary stuff. After the long process of int'l adoption, all of us are hoping for happily ever after, and that is certainly what we want for our children. We don't want to really think about our children having attachment (or any other) challenges, but we owe them the best educated parents we can be so we can properly recognize then get them whatever help they may need.

To aid in that endeavor, let's be as informed as possible on the subjects that might relate to them. We are our children's best advocates. This includes becoming aware of what normal infant/toddler behavior and developmental issues might look like, and what might constitute something MORE, such as a potential attachment challenge. We have to learn to recognize what might be "more" so that we can get help when we need it.

Hang in there everybody, and c'mon, let's keep feeling the love! I count on this forum for good info and the ability to learn and ask questions in a safe, giving environment. Some stuff applies, some does not, so I take it in that same vein. All views should be welcome and respected as long as we share info respectfully. Peace to all!

[Kasey]

Karen, did you remove the thread where we were debating the topic?
Just curious, because it seemed like a good discussion to me involving everyone's experiences, opinions?

[KGM]

I also was interested in that thread and reading everyone opinions. What happened to it?

Everyone has an opinion and thoughts and all children are different and respond differently. Life in its self is full of variables. One persons opinion is just that. One person's opinion. I would like to read everyones experience on parenting. The difference between Bio and PI is important and attaching in both cases is just as important.

If you post here you have to understand everyone is not going to agree with you. I learned that lesson right off the bat here. I agree you shouldn't be afraid to post your thoughts.

This board is for adoption and not everyone sees things the same way. It not a private board for those certain few who believe the same things and just want to chat and be all happy and fun. It a place to learn and voice
so others can read and perhaps learn something from everyones view point not only one persons.

[Remmy]

Hi,

I must have missed something. I lurk more than I post, but I have always appreciated the information about attachment in your postings.

Could you PM me any attachment links you might have? We have had the ups and downs and I have actually gotten alot of help from your posts even though you do not know it. I am sure there are many people who do not post much but get helpful information from what is written here.

I actually have received more information and help finding information here than anyplace else. I really feal that the agency and social workers do not really even touch on what we should "really" expect and prepare for. I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU! Please do not give up on telling people about this important and undiscussed problem. I know you have helped me and my family.

Thank you and Take Care,
Remmy

[angelkisses0102]

I asked Brandy to close or remove the post because my words were being twisted...not because some of you disagreed with me. Geez~ you should know better than that.

My first responsibility is to my son...and when I feel like I have to defend myself here...it makes me grumpy... ...and grumpy ain't good when you are fighting the attachment battle with a willful 2 year old.

So, I will pm the links to anyone who requests them. If you want the article...it's posted elsewhere in the forums...I just had the Russian one removed.

[Kasey]

Karen:
I am sorry you felt your words were being twisted, I thought it was an interesting discussion all on ends.

I think it is great that many people have become such good friends here, but I think what is being hinted at is that alot of people come here for specific russian adoption related talk, support, and info, especially now with everything going on, so I know sometimes it must be frustrating for those stuck in the mess to see more OT talk and pics--not that it is bad, just that I understand their frustration and Iknow som many PAP's have been through alot waiting to bring their little ones home. I do think it is great that alot of the OT has made its way to chit chat and other boards, I know that has helped with other's feelings.

It is not perfect here, but it is a great resource, a great group, a wealth of info, where we should be able to discuss adoption related topics and parenting topics freely without hesitation.

I am sorry this has gotten to this point, I was trying to clarify some points and some issues and bring up another side or opinion to the topic, my intent was not to twist words or offend anyone.
My apologies if that is how it was perceived.

[vix]

I too was looking for that thread, as I think it may be interesting to view. I have seen so many different positions on attachment, I think it is good to be aware of everything as oppose to nothing.

Shay, I don't think anyone is talking about OT threads and different chats, I think they are talking about the variety of opinions regarding attachment issues. I think we have danced to this tune once before...

[Shay]

Originally Posted by vix

I too was looking for that thread, as I think it may be interesting to view. I have seen so many different positions on attachment, I think it is good to be aware of everything as oppose to nothing.

Shay, I don't think anyone is talking about OT threads and different chats, I think they are talking about the variety of opinions regarding attachment issues. I think we have danced to this tune once before...

yes my legs are STILL sore from so much dancing...I removed my posts...thanks

[calikismet]

Not to veer this conversation off on the wrong path, but I am a member of another great board where we were having disagreements about how to handle OT and parenting issues. It is an IF/MC board, so to me, it is just kind the biological version of an adoption board. As I remember, the problem arose when a group of gals who had had successful IVF started a string of posts about where to buy great maternity clothes -- that was quite a blow to those who were still struggling. We solved it by creating a 2nd board within the community for pregnancy news and progress, adoption progress (altho we still welcome those in the process of adopting on the IF board), and parenting anecdotes and questions. It is the same community, so we all are still around, but on a slightly different board.

Maybe too much to ask, but maybe adoption.com can start a Russia Post-Adoption Forum, where the people from THIS board can still share photos, anecdotes and questions, etc, and yet still feel connected to the same people. I know that when I posted my question about fingersucking yesterday, I felt badly for those who are still waiting for a child -- but I also knew that the fingersucking is pretty common in PI kids from Russia, so this board remains a good source.

Just a recomendation for what seems to be a continuing issue...

[votemom]

Boo! Hiss!

I object!

If you are going to send any PM's on attachment, please add me to the list!