[karenjoe]

Ok so nothing good ever comes easy - right? You guys always seem to be able to put things in perspective and I'm starting to freak out - so a little advice would be great!

During all this waiting, the company DH works for went out of business and he lost his job as a result. This was very difficult as we didn't see it coming and we are really struggling with adoption expenses and loans as well as our regular expenses. Of course this is the same time the washer floods the kitchen, the mower breaks, well - you get the idea. So he started training for a new job a couple of weeks ago. Meanwhile - We got a picture (unofficial referral) of a very pretty little girl - YAY! Younger than we wanted - but hey - with everything going on who cares? Problem is, my agency is telling me we need to travel quickly. DH's "probationary period" does not end for 4 weeks - which I am told is too long to wait to travel. She will be scooped up by then. So --- do we risk DH's job? Do I go alone? I've never even been out of the States so that is a scary thought for me. But it IS only for a week. Or maybe this is not meant to be and I need to wait it out for another child?? ARGH - don't know what to do!! Is the first trip a piece of cake? I'm sure it's exhausting - but I'm more worried about actually GETTING to where I need to be.

[Wendrew]

Maybe you can bring a friend or relative so you do not have to travel alone. My agency encourages both parents to travel, because of the stress of making the decision whether to accept the child, based on health conditions, etc., on one parent, but if you feel comfortable doing this on your own, and can reach your husband to send pictures and discuss potential issues, I think you should go for it.

[lippylulu]

First I would recommend DH explain his situation to the new job and see if they can accomodate him. The fFirst trip is sometimes very short. We were only in Russia 4 nights and 1 night was a weekend. If he cannot go, maybe you can bring a friend or relative. Also, going alone may not be as scary as it seems. Ask your agency if there are other families traveling to the same region at the same time as you. We traveled with 4 other families which included a singal mom. Between the coordinators and all of us she was rarely alone.

[Michele007]

Wow! tough call."piece of cake"would not be the words I would use to descibe the first trip. ...but thats me. The only advice I can give you is follow your heart and your gut-by now your gut is probally a pretty good gage. I hope you find peace in whatever decsion you guys make.Best of luck.

Michele

[RainyInGA]

KAREN JO!! you big weenie!!!!!
I am going alone too.... ;0 i have been trying to convince anyone I know to go with me, but in the end. like you said its JUST A WEEK!
My DH would actually stress me out MORE once we are at orphanage!!!
Seriously tho. I understand where you are coming from but its like paying taxes.. you just gotta not think about it & GO!? actually Ive taken up a new "DENIAL THEORY" that seems to be working well so far....I plan on seeing this as a tiime to ponder & reflect. I will read on the plane ( or drink all the way there depending on how bad it is!!) KIDDING! and relax! HAH!

I concentrate on the end product..seeing her little face. Im going to the furthest region out & still be in Russia, old plane, beginning of winter yikes! But the challenges these kids face on a daily basis, is enough for me to get fired up & tell myself. PIECE OF CAKE!!!!
anyway.. hang on there, it IS scary, but remember bunches of us here would be thrilled for a referral let alone actual travel dates! you will be fine!!!I will give you my number & talk you through it!!
I had lined up a good friend to go this whole year we planned then of course, my middle name being MURPHY, my travel dates are when our collective 8 kids are out of school on break!!!! Im stunned & a bit set back, but its all good. Ü
anyway. PM me & we can commiserate together!
Rain

[waitinginnj]

If you can find someone great, if not - you can do it!!! Find out if there are other families traveling. You may not be alone. Validate how much support you will have from the agency. My agency had someone with me at all times on any adoption related issues.

Also - what region are you going to? To me the scariest part of the travel would be in country. Getting there is pretty easy. If your region is within driving distance, it will be even easier.

If you are going to Tver, by any chance, you can make it by yourself. I have the experience there.

Congrats!!!

[RainyInGA]

LOL just saw Micheles post... "PEICE OF CAKE" seems to be a theme here... maybe you could just EAT all the way there???? Ü
MICHELE... seriously PM me I may have an answer or something that could help!

[LilyMoon]

I agree with lippylulu....first plan of attack would be to see if DH could take a few days off from his job. Our first trip was also only 4 days. Next would be to see if a friend or relative would be willing to accompany you and then lastly see if there are other families traveling with you from your agency. We also traveled with others and a single Mom too.

Personally, I would not let this referral go. I would have traveled alone if that was what I had to do. The trip is tiring and emotional but worth it all. When I met my daughter for the first time it was the most incredible feeling. Nothing else mattered.

Best of luck to you!
LilyMoon

[karenjoe]

Originally Posted by RainyInGA

Ive taken up a new "DENIAL THEORY" that seems to be working well so far....

Rain - HA! Good one!!! I feel a little better already. Going to Siberia too (tho not as far out as you are going!). I'll PM you.

My husband is going to ask his supervisor about it today. We figure it will be 4 days out of work. We'll see what they say.

Please please keep the advice coming!

[barbaragillis]

Hi,
We are debating on going "one parent" on the first trip...I should be getting the call any day....I'm traveling to Moscow. What region are you going to?

We hosted the children for a summer program, so we have met them already. Part of the appeal of the Summer Host program was that you only need to make one trip to Russia, however, that has apparantly changed. Russia now wants two trips to the country in addition to the summer host program.

But I was so hoping to find another parent that will be in the region the same time as myself...its a little scary going so far away, alone

You can email me privately if you like at barbarajgillis@hotmail.com

[Provost21]

I havent made trip one yet, but I talked with many people who have adopted through our agency. Two moms did not bring DH with. One mom brought with her sister and one traveled alone. The mom who brought with her sister, said she would have felt completely comfortable travelling alone. She felt safe at all times. The other mom who did travel alone said it was fine, no problems.

Good luck with your decision! What an exciting time for your family!

[Kendal]

Alot of people travel without their spouse for their first trip, either for work reasons, financial, other kids at home, or single moms Russia is a wonderful country full of friendly people. You will do fine. Plus if your agency is anything like ours was, you will never really be left alone. Good luck, let us know how it turns out.

[angelkisses0102]

I say go alone if you must...but can you schedule the trip over a weekend so it would be less time off work?

For Alex's adoption, we travelled with 2 other families...one was just the mom making the trip as her DH could not travel at that time. We connected BEFORE the trip, luckily, and scheduled our flights and hotels as together as possible. That way she wasn't so 'alone.' It worked out great for all of us and we are still in contact...if fact they are coming to visit us this winter.

Maybe you can find out if there is anyone else traveling when you are.

Good luck...you will do fine!!!
Karen

[Jim_in_PA]

Originally Posted by barbaragillis

We hosted the children for a summer program, so we have met them already. Part of the appeal of the Summer Host program was that you only need to make one trip to Russia, however, that has apparantly changed. Russia now wants two trips to the country in addition to the summer host program.

Barbara, this may be region specific...that is not the case with us, to-date. All indications are one trip for our region for hosted children. Moscow area tends to be "different"...they used to be one trip for everyone, I believe.
---------

Karenjoe, if there is any practical way for both of you to go, that would be the best, IMHO, but go with what reality throws at you. What's important is to meet the child and accept the referal if everything is in order. And since your DH must travel for trip 2, he shouldn't burn any bridges now if it will cause problems later.

[votemom]

I went without my husband on trip#1, but did not travel alone. I think the decision to travel completely alone depends on your personality. I did not have the courage.

Making the decision to accept a referral without my husband there was actually not difficult for either of us.

I think it helped because he had spent 3 weeks the previous summer in Russia helping to build playgrounds at 3 orphanages - he was so aware of the need for older children to be adopted. I'll never forget what he said when he came home from that trip: "You could go eeny-meeny-miny-moe, and I could bring any of them into our family." Wow. And he went on that trip never even dreaming that we would ever adopt.

Obviously, our situation is not the norm, but I think if you are both are fully committed to adopting, and you make lots of phone calls filling him in, it should not be an issue.

Not everybody has the ideal set up and this entire process is about plans changing!!