[Shay]

Ok guys and gals...please tell me this is a phase.

Daria is the sweetest little thing but...she has really been bad lately well for the past month or so about smacking you in the face. I mean at first I would just say 'no mam, that isn't very nice..etc' well then she would start bawling her eyes out. I guess I hurt her feelings. She is very sensitive. Then it got to where if I didn't react or say anything she would bawl her eyes out I guess because she knew it wasn't right to do.

Well now when I don't react she immediately does it again more aggressively so that I do react....what can I do? I know she is only 13 months old..but TRUST me she knows exactly what she is doing!

Please help!!!! If it is just a phase ok..but what can I do to get her out of it...I do not want her smacking us or anyone when she is 4 and 5 years old. Know what I mean? By the way she did smack her uncle yesterday..so it isn't just us she smacks.

Thanks

[trnews71]

Hi Shay,

I believe it's a stage. Rach used to do that too. Just keep on telling her no. She will stop sooner or later. I really do not know why they do that but as far as I can say by my personal experience all babies that I know do that at one point. Maybe is just testing the waters to see how far can they go...

[Shay]

Thanks Carla...I really hate to correct her but I hate it even more for her to smack me. The very first time she did it..it was an accident..and I didn't say anything..but immediately she knew she had done it and then very since it has been something she does on purpose. I mean you can be down on the floor playing with her and she is just laughing and then in the same breath she looks you right in the eyes and smacks you and stares at you to get a reaction. I most certainly think she is testing me but this has gone on for weeks. She doesn't do it every day but the past 3 days she has...wow I am sure it will just get worse as she gets closer to the terrible 2's....YIKES!!!!!!

I will need to stock up on some calgone! hehe

[fugie]

Shay,

Michael is 13 months old also and he does the same thing. And it is especially hard on our little dog. I am trying to teach him how to pet her "nice". The dog has learned to run from him now and he gets so upset because he wants to play with her. I am being told it is a phase also that will pass.

Lisa

[Shay]

Thanks Lisa..should I correct her when she does this? How..I mean I have been telling her no that isn't nice and to be easy..well I guess just keep telling her that??

[erickk]

Our son used to do this too and we would tell him no hitting and then take his hand and tell him to "touch nice" and have him stroke our cheek instead. Did the same thing when he would smack the dog-no, pet nice. Took a lot of doing but he got the idea fairly soon.

[Ktates]

Aisling has started doing this again too and pinching and man it hurts! and what's worse is when you scold her she laughs. So I switched tactics - I turn my back to her and ignore her - then in a minute I turn back and ask her if she is going to be gentle and explain gentle. After doing that a few times if I turn my back (I am right next to her) she will start petting me gently - then I explain the whole no hitting.
Give it a try - it's working for us (for now!). I have read that they don't truly get that they are hurting you at that age.

[fugie]

Ktates- That is so funny. Michael also laughs when we tell him no. I am trying the same thing you are doing. Taking his hand and telling him to be nice. We will wait and see. I am sure it will pass.

Lisa

[Vicki H]

Alex did this for a while. I would take his hand and tell him no in a stern voice and told him to be nice.

He stopped doing it as frequently, but still did it from time to time with the dogs when he was angry at them.

He has stopped altogether now, so I am not sure if this is just a phase.

Vicki

[Shay]

Vicki..I have taken her hand like that too...but then she will just break out into an all out bawl..where she can't even catch her breath...she is just soooo sensitive..

[Vicki H]

She sounds very sensitive. Alex would just stare at me at first, then within a few weeks he would laugh at me or just whine.

[calikismet]

Both of my kids did this to a certain extent, right around the same age as Daria. Our son's was even worse, b/c he would also pinch and claw at you and your neck if he thought he was being ignored. We were stern with him, told him no, showed him the right way to touch, and then put him down if he did it again - so his "punishment" was that he was no longer being held. It worked well.

Our daughter did the same thing Daria does -- smacks. With her, we took a similar approach as with our son, but we realy focused on showing her how to touch nicely, like the others say.

Our experience goes something like this:

Baby hits.
Mommy takes her hand firmly, looks her square in the eyes, and says "no hit" in a firm voice.
Baby stared at mommy with huge eyes.
Mommy takes baby's hand again and strokes mommy's cheek, and says "nice touches, nice touches" until baby will do it herself.

After doing this about what seemed like 100 times, we got to where I could just give her a stern look after she smacked me, and she would stroke my cheek -- she knew exactly what she was doing, and was able to correct herself...If she does it more than 2 times, the rule in our house is still to put her down, as we did with our son. We do the same thing when she smacks the dogs.

Don't worry -- it is a phase. BUT it is not one that should be ignored. I believe that letting kids hit at this age will allow the child to believe that aggressive behavior is okay... and that will lead to issues down the road. It also undermines the parent-child relationship (sooo many kids on shows like Nanny 911 and Supernanny hit their parents -- it is either a major cause, or a major effect of a child's lack of respect for the parent).

I know that Daria is sensitive, but she also sounds like she has your number -- "I'll cry hysterically and mommy will forgive and forget what I actually did to get this way." That is very commom, esp the 1st time around (for some reason, the 2nd time around is a lot less emotional....). I would suggest that the very 1st time she hits you, look her in the eyes (even if it means taking her chin in your hands) and say "no hit... nice touches" and show her how to touch nicely. Keep the language simple -- 2-3 words.. "she won't understand "that is not very nice..." Then if she cries, give her a quick hug, tell her you love her, then ask her to stop crying... Tell her that there is nothing to cry about, and that mommy is still there. Then ignore the tears, and go on with things. Distract her, give her something..

That is how we have approached this and it has worked well for us. Like I said, with our son, I would actually set him down when he got aggressive... It basically said that his behavior would not only not get him attention, but would cause him to lose my attention... It worked like a charm on him. Each child is different. But Daria has been with you long enough to feel secure, so you may start seeing more and more testing of the waters -- "if I hit, will she still love me? What will she do?"

Take heart that it is a normal and perfectly controllable phase of toddlers!

[jflan]

My two cents: definitely a phase!! Your daughter sounds a lot like my son. My advice would be to use distraction and forget the reprimands. She's not even aware of the fact she could be causing pain - she's just experiencing cause - effect. Redirect her to let her experience it another way, and I'll bet she forgets the little "game" she started after a while. Try not to worry that every little thing now will lead to something larger later. She sounds like a gentle and thoughtful baby. I also tried not to use the word 'no' unless it was a dangerous situation. I would say uhuh or something milder instead.
And just when you have everything figured out with your daughter, along will come another child who has a completely different set of rules!!! I have a 3 1/2 yr. old son and now a 20 month old daughter - and they are as different as night and day!!! Yikes!!!!

[calikismet]

Originally Posted by jflan

She's not even aware of the fact she could be causing pain - she's just experiencing cause - effect.

BTW, I agree with this 100%. They do not realize that it hurts or causes you any discomfort whatsoever. It is all cause and effect -- perfectly said by jflan.

Also, please don't take my post as a "you must do this, you musn't do that.." You asked for thoughts on this, and I gave you our experience. I am a firm believer that what works for one family may be a disaster for another, based upon the differences in children. What I posted is what worked for us, and what I noticed worked for both of my kids, even tho their personalities are different. You can also disagree with 100% of what I said and I am in no way offended!

[tigger44]

My little one is about the same age, and she does this too. She also pulls my hair. I've noticed that she does it mostly when she feels that I am not paying attention to her, if a visitor is here. I have just ignored it, although I take her hand away from my face and say something like "be easy" in a gentle voice. I'll give her a kiss and distract her with something else. It works really well to redirect her from this slapping and pulling, as with anything else I don't want her doing or getting into. Good luck!