[anxiousmommy]

Well, the summer has passed us by as we continue to sit waiting to travel. I am a teacher, so of course, I was hoping to at least get in the first trip before returning to school. Well, that's not going to happen. And we didn't go anywhere on vacation because we kept hoping we'd get the call to leave.

Once we decided to adopt two babies instead of one, we were prepared for some delays, but this past week, things were looking rather bleak. We were all set to travel on Aug. 20th, when our case worker called to inform us the relinquishment letter signed by the bmother was no longer sufficient. All family members would now have to sign a letter, which, of course, would take a while. Then we find out the bmother has moved out of the region & her residence is unknown. Her original relinquishment may not be acceptable, which means it will take more time now to try & locate her to update the letter.

The bigger issue right now is that the judges aren't accepting the I-171H form because they aren't satisfied with the wording. (the definition of an orphan) This could also cause a significant delay until it gets resolved. But as of today, we are hanging on to a glimmer of hope, as we are hearing of another couple being granted a court date. Hopefully this means at least one of the judges is accepting this form. Has anyone else's agency mentioned the I-171H form problem?

I just keep wondering, "Is this ever going to be over?" We've been in the process now for nearly 1 1/2 years. Going back to work is not something I'm looking forward to with everyone asking me questions about our progress. I know they mean well, but I really thought I would have been on my leave of absence by now.

Tonight I felt strong enough to sit at my computer & share my struggles with all of you. Thanks to everyone who has given me helpful info. on these boards & to those of you who have sent me PM's to check on me.

[mrbkr]

Sounds like the judge in your region is anti IA. They are obviously trying to find any reason to stall and or put you off. It would be interesting to see if there are others adopting from your region that are having the same problems. My bet is "YES."



Bless your heart. Hang in there teach. This is going to happen for you. They can't stall for ever. If their strategy is to wait you out until a possible moratorium, it isn't going to happen. If their strategy is to challange your patience they are fighting a losing battle.



You will win this thing.

[votemom]

Greetings from another no-summer-vacationer. We've been in our holding pattern now for 13 months. It is a DRAG. My kids have been troopers, but they really would have loved to go somewhere this summer. We tried to get to the lake a lot and see movies and eat out more than usual, and I let them have friends over whenever they wanted. So, it wasn't the worst summer of their life, but it could have been better.

Sorry for your holding pattern.... psychologically, I know it's a bummer for you to go back to school not having traveled.

Hang in. Don't give up. Keep the faith. We're all in this together and it WILL happen.

[beckyww]

Ridiculous. What region? And what age(s) on the kids?

[vix]

I hear ya!

I am another teacher who did not take any vacation this summer. We just sat and waited. I was suppose to have my son home by now, and can't even think about going back to school to explain to all of my parents what has happened. I am co teaching, which was suppose to be my plan B, but here I sit, plan B a reality.


AM, I am so sorry. These judges are just getting worse and worse. I wish I could make this all go away.

[ATHiker]

Hello,

First let me say how very sorry I am that you are struggling so with the whole process. You've perservered for so long, it must be absolutely draining emotionally.

I understand the vacationless summer, the constant wearing of the cell-phone (and checking to make sure it's working) the constant and abiding hope that today will be the day. You have my sympathy.

Regarding the 171-H. I have heard this now from two regions. They are asking for certified letters from the INS that this form is "standard" and the child will be granted a visa by the embassy. Unfortunately the INS does not provide these letters. Is that what you are being asked for?

The two regions I speak of are Kurgan and Maykop. My agency is working in Kurgan and has come up empty with any sort of form or letter that seems to satisfy the court. I think they ended up with a letter on Senate letterhead stating that this form is indeed standard and things should progress normally. Now we just wait and see...

I'm not sure where this started, and what it will take to convince the courts that these forms are no different than they've ever been. It seems a bit strange that they start rejecting things that have been unchanged since international adoptions began.

I hope things resolve quickly and you are back on track without too much difficulty. You will remain in my prayers...
Kim

[anxiousmommy]

Thanks, Kim, for your kind words, & to all who answered my post. We're all in this together!

[waitinginnj]

Hang in there!! It certainly hasn't been easy, but the boys are waiting for you. As far as dealing with school. Make a bold statement early on that things are slow, but happening and when the time is right, you will share information. It will keep most folks at bay.

[mikiment]

I second the notion of making a statement early on that "nicely" gets folks off your back along the lines of, "there have been some new delays that have slowed down the process, and we will let you know when things change." Then smile (or just bare your teeth, whichever seems like it would work better! ) and change the subject when folks bring it up and you don't wanna talk about it.

Most people usually mean well, but when we're stuck in this hellacious waiting mode, there really is no right way to talk to us, now is there?! If they don't ask how it's going, you wonder if folks care or think (rightly) that they just don't understand, and if they DO ask, you feel badgered and emotionally wrung out because it's just too painful to talk about all the time. So sorry for the hurt this causes.

I personally struggled a LOT during the waiting days. Hang in there, we are here for you and truly do understand. Your day WILL come. Hugs and prayers going out to all who are waiting.

[ddahl]

I just want to add that I know the process is so difficult! I have had a hard time myself and probably could have handled it with more grace and patience had I known what I was up against. I am a strong person and at times I have underestimated my strength and faith. I know I could have done a better job but I was just where I was at at the time.

I am thrilled that you decided on a second child. Originlly we were set on two and then thought well maybe one. When we received a referral of one we did not push for a second child at the same time. THat was in May. Had I known I would still be waiting I would have really pushed for a second referral. No matter how long we wait eventually everyone brings home a baby they say. I know the wait is tough and I will add you to our prayer list. Keep the faith Sista! We can do this...it stinks but we can do this!

[MustangLippy]

Right there with you. I've felt like i've been handling it all with some flair lately but I am worried about the winter months when it is grey and cold and there is still no news. Will I be able to stay as blase about it all then?

I really didn't believe that August reaccrediations would happen so wasn't let down when that date came and went, but surely something has to happen for us next month?

Wishing you the best and to let you know you are not alone.

MustangLippy

[Chris3148]

I read your post and cried. I was thinking of posting the same thing yesterday after my first day back to work (teacher too) and all the "wanting to be supportive" questions from my co-workers. I pretty much gave them no information and on the drive home had a good long hard cry. We did not vacation either, waiting for that phone to ring and DH is saving all his vacation time for the trips to Russia.

When I started this process in 2/04 I really thought I would have a baby home by Christmas of that year. And here I still am waiting..... I even planned and copied everything for the first month of school at the end of the school year last year thinking I would be leaving that for a long term sub, but no-I'll be using it all since I still do not even have a referral.

My heart just hurts so much lately. And I think these days my home phone, cell phone, and computer are a body part because I never leave their side!!!!!!! All this waiting is really getting to be torture for me.

[angelkisses0102]

You are in my thoughts and prayers...hang on...just keep hanging on....

[Wendrew]

I know how you feel. I am in disbelief that the summer is all but over, and we still have not progressed at all. It has been a really rough summer, and I just hope that there is some new hope for us all, as we move into autumn.

[Michele007]

My heart goes out to you,We have been waiting what seems like forever. they say"that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger" I bet the person that said that didn't adopt from Russia(HEHE) Try to hang in...I have been no use at work for like 4 months(SHH,don't tell my boss) LOL. We are all praying for you and sending them your way.

Michele