[SingleMama2B]

A portion of another response to a post (from Proudmamaof2) got me thinking of all of the "Advice (ha), Comments, Support and Negativity" I received when I told family, friends, coworkers, etc. about adopting, and from Russia.

I was wondering about everybodies experiences....

I felt lucky that my immediate family was, 1st shocked (since I had made the decision to Host a 7 1/2 y/o) and didn't say anything to Mother/stepfather, Father/stepmother, Aunts, Uncles, etc. The only one that knew was my sister (we joined the hosting program together). But the most "well meaning" (yea right) negative comments came from co-worker's!!!!! Granted, I am single and 42 years old. I got everything from "WHY"? To, You have NO Idea what you are getting! Problems, Problems, Problems. Mental, Emotional, etc. problems, and they lie (not the children), and you are going to have pay twice as much as they tell you. These are just a few comments, and not the worst ones. I just shook my head and walked away from them. When I could hold my tongue, I politely said, "You need to do some research, statistics, talk to actual Reputable Agency(s), and people that adopted already.

Why people are sooooo negative when they do NOT know fact, circumstances, etc. is beyond me! Now that my daughter and I home alittle over 3 months, and most everyone (even coworker's) have met her, NOW, they say they understand, and wanted to know more about the program that I used!

[Jim_in_PA]

A, I am quite pleased to say that to-date, I have not had even one negative response relative to our plans for adoption from family, friends and coworkers...even total strangers where the conversation led in that direction. Support has been "overwhelming", some of which has been detailed in the BLOG entry about "Found Families". And should I ever experience any negativity...IMHO, it "their" problem, not mine.

I feel very sad that some others have had exactly the opposite experience. While I realize that "everyone" will not approve or be supportive, those who have had nearly total rejection deserve better. After all, consider the gift they are presenting to the world...as you already have with your recent adoption.

I'm pleased that your daughter has also helped some folks to see the light a bit clearer...

[Vicki H]

We were fortunate that most of the responses we received were positive. My family was very supportive, my co-workers were thrilled.
The only person we had a little trouble with was my FIL, he didn't understand at first. He thought we could just see a doctor and I would become pregnant, well I had enought of doctors and I was really pulled toward adopting, I knew I could love a child whether they were biological or adopted, I just wanted to have a child.
He really didn't understand until we brought back our pictures from our first trip (blind referral).
He then became very excited.
Most questions I receive now is just the usual, why did you adopt , couldn't you get pregnant etc.
My personal favorite, When Alex starts talking will he have a Russian accent. Did not even know how to respond without laughing.


Vicki

[RBSVARCHER]

Yesterday was our son's third birthday. My husband and I live in another town other than where we were born. We have had our son home for 5 months now. We ran into Wal-Mart to get some last minute birthday supplies. Someone that we have known for years who knew about our adoption saw our son and said "OH MY GOSH...........HE COULD BE YOURS!!!!

Of course our first response was "HE IS OURS" but then she went on to say he looks like he could biologically be ours.

People can come up with some of the strangest things to say and I know once they say it these things they wish they would have kept their mouth shut.

Susan
Bham AL

[waitinginnj]

All the books about single parents adopting warn of people being negative and disapproving etc. I was armed to fight back.

I never heard a negative word - not about me choosing to adopt or about selecting Russia. People had a lot of questions and were very interested. They were amazed about how the process worked etc.

I received (and still do) overwhelming support. And, my child receives unconditional love from those who surround us.

She even has 14 of my mother's friends who call themselves her "Fairy Godmothers". Every single one of them have their own children/grandchildren/neices/nephews - but for some reason they hold a special place in their hearts for my daughter.

I feel so bad when I hear of others having to face nay sayers.

My daughter looks like me and I sometimes get the "she could be yours" comment or "It is amazing how she looks like you". It is not meant in a harmful way. I just respond with, "of course she is mine - we are a family" - then they get it. or I respond, "Really, I think that we both look like Darby - the dog - because you know how owners start looking like their animals." That gets their attention, if the comment is made one time too often. Now as we meet new people, I often get the - "your daughter looks like you". I just say "thank you". I used to feel like I had to explain that she was adopted etc. Part of it was I was so proud of what my daughter had accomplished since coming home. Now I just smile because she is great and people notice it and I am proud.

[N.Gwinn]

We also have had mostly postive response. My husband spent some time thinking that his father, a man of very few words, was not excited. But he is. He just doesn't express that stuff as easily. My husband understands this now. We also had one friend say, "Oh, adooption. You never know what you will get when you adopt." And my response was, "Do you know what you will get when you have a bio kid?" I have friends whose children are autistic or LD. They didn't plan that at conception. God gives us the children that need us, and he gives them to us in the manner best for us. This I believe.

[waiting4babies]

We receive both positive and negative responses; however, the one thing I am so sick and tired of is how often people ask when we are going to bring the children home. They are constantly asking and I am so tired that I tell them that when I find out, they will find out.

They all know the situation in Russia because I have explained it to everyone who asks, so it is not as if they do not know. Sometimes I feel like they do not believe the accreditation issue is actually happening. One day I may just tell them to log onto the adoption forums so that they can find out for themselves.

Just needed to vent.

[sunstroke]

My wife and I really haven't had any negative responses. In fact my wife has all her guys supporting her at work (She's a floor supervisor at an auto plant and most of the people she supervises could be her father). As it's been said before, most negative responses are mostly are out of ignorance. One day my wife's boss wanted to know when she was "taking vacation" to travel to Russia so that they could get the vacation calendar together. Not sure that her boss (another woman) ever understood that this isn't something that's planned way ahead of time. I think the worst response she has gotten has been from her mother, but that isn't unexpected since her mother and her are like oil in water so it doesn't count. My MIL is a treat .

All the people I have told are curious about the process and what you can and can't do.

So I guess we've been blessed so far (and hope we continue to be).

Scott

[melcas]

I guess I've been fortunate. I have had totally positive responses.

What really amazes me (and a lot of people know about our adoption-I talk very freely to people about what we're doing) is that I would say 2 out of 3 people that I discuss it with, know someone who has adopted from Russia! I don't know if it's the area (S. Fl) or what, but it is really true!

One kind of funny thing that some people say is "oh, that is such a wonderful, unselfish thing that you're doing" like we're making this big sacrifice by adopting an orphan! I know they don't mean anything by it, but I always say "I think we 'll be the lucky ones"!