[WaterNut]

I am getting really frustrated with our agency. THe only time I get ANY info from them lately is if I ask a very direct question. If and when she does answer she either provides just enough info to answer the question - and nothing more, or dances around the question, not really answering it. Recently she told me she didn't understand why I was so persistnat getting an answer to one of my questions (we are trying to find out when he was placed on the databank).

I am frustrated because whenenver they want something from us it is needed immediately...no delays. Now when I want something, it may come when it is convenient for them. Earlier this month she was constantly pressuring me to get our dossier turned and of course the accompanying check - very large check that is . Now that it is in...nothing. We hit a few bumps with getting our dossier together (mainly the wonderful state of NJ losing it) and we were told that Russia did not believe that we were serious because it was taking so long. Also, when we first reviewed the referral we were constantly pressured to make a decision and told that "Russia ususally does not wait long for an answer" (keep in mind this was for a 5 y/o boy, not a highly sought after infant). We did take our time deciding and did ultimatley decide to pursue him, but the pressure we received was certainly not appreciated.

Anyone else getting this sort of treatment from their agency? I am startig to regret our choice in agencies.

Sorry for the long post....just needed to vent and release some of this frustration....phew...feeling a little better now!

- Kim

[schphoner2]

Did you happen to host by any chance?

[WaterNut]

No, but we were offered the referral shortly after signing up with the agency. He was considered a "waiting child" due to his age.

[schphoner2]

Thank you for answering.

I experienced some of the same frustration you are. I would have to call to get an answer and we waited and waited a long time before our court date. I felt I had absolutely no control over anything in the process. Our agency was very kind and polite and they never pressured us for anything but not forthcoming with the answers and updates.

I'm sorry you have to go through this...I would (and did!!!) keep calling and asking the questions. Ask to speak with a principal person within the agency (director/owner). Be persistant.

I'm sending you positive thoughts.

[erickk]

We went through this with our 1st adoption. They swictched us to a different program (we have to pick one orphanage) because we did not care about ethnicity. Then we went on a 3 month ride through hell. Our referral was a 6 month old girl-2 months premature. Then they said she was not OK and they were taking her off the list, next week she was fine, next week she could not travel because she was hydrocephalic, and on and on. This was our 1st child. It was hell. All we got from the agency was we needed to decide. Even in this situation asking for information was like pulling teeth from a saber tooth tiger. Finally after 3 months they emailed us CT scans and we discovered she was porcephalic and missing half her brain (from doctors here in Wiscons who donated their time). Then they took her off the list. After a lot of grieving we went back to previous program. Our son is beautiful. However there was a serioius discussion from the people on the Russian side about what had happened to us. They were not happy with how the agency handled it. About 1 month after we accepted a referrral for our son we get an email message telling us the CT scan was perhaps not hers. I just decided not to go there.
So, why they do this stuff. Who knows--CYA? Now we are waiting for a referral for our 2nd adoption and we are in the same boat as you. I feel like I am some annoying nag for simply asking basic info.
Ugh. I feel for you. I still just keep emailing questions and prefacing them with-I am not trying to be annoying-just want some info...Sorry for the long post got carried away.

[CkJR4ever]

Hi! kim, it is ok to vent we all do it. my husband feels like you do .
he says we were not getting any answers the way he wanted to hear.
And for the paperwork, i agree with you Nj is a pain. our state is one of the toughest states to deal with . As for the agency we are using we like them sometimes it was getting stressful with the paperwork. And dealing with Russia is not easy. i know a couple who adopted a little boy three years ago they had alot of problems too.
but hang in there. Keep us updated!

Colleen
Woodbridge nj

[DaniJ]

This sounds EXACTCTLY like my agency (and I hate my agency!) Once I was sick/not feeling well over a couple days, and they called TWICE to "see if everything was ok" (like they care!) because we had not sent in yet another piece of paper. once they received it: silence.
Another time I tried to get the information about an alleged date with the MOE, I got the song-and-dance put-off until it finally came out that they hadn't even submitted our papers yet! (good thing I pestered them or we would have been making plans to go to Russia!)

Keep on em. They are working for you, and you have the right to know what is going on!

[regalroy]

I love my agency, but, yup, we have to bug them. Ask very specific questions. But they are very specific in saying "we can't answer that", lol. On the other hand, I really like our agency. They are very careful not to commit. On the other hand, if I move to slow, its a reason they get to move slow. But so far I like our agency. Does this sound confusing? Yup.
Still figureing out how to dance with them. So far, its eye to eye. It is time however to get a move on. We are very frustrated concerning one part of our paperwork, but we shall see how it turns out in the next few days. Like I have the time for the next few days to slide away. ARRgggghhhhh.

[kryslm]

So much for the art of customer service! You'd think agency reps would be more mindful of who is helping pay their salaries.

Mike

[LilyMoon]

The first agency I signed with was like this. We ended up leaving that agency after 8 months of unanswered questions, uncaring attitude and presssure to accept a referral we weren't comfortable with. I wonder if you are using the same agency? Well, we switched and I am so glad we did! The new agency we signed with was the exact opposite....helpful, supportive, caring and would answer any and all questions plus finding us the most wonderful child I could have hoped for! The agency makes all the difference in the world.

I hope things improve for you, but remember that you have the option of moving on if things do not get better.

Good luck,
LilyMoon

[amygp]

I can totally relate to the agency evasiveness. The same thing has been happening to us, and upon thinking about it I recently realized that we have ALWAYS been the ones asking our agency for info, etc. They have NEVER come to us first with anything, except to tell us our travel dates for trip #1. Even the referral, which we received in August - we had to call and ask why it was taking so long to get one since our I-171H had been in for what seemed like forever at that point. DH and I play good cop, bad cop a lot - I'll call for a couple of weeks (we are now waiting on court dates, like everyone else) then will turn the phone over to him and he calls for a while.

Mind you, we don't harass them and are very cognizant of the fact that they need time and space to do their jobs correctly, and that they are working with many other families in addition to ours. Sorry to go off on a tirade - we are in fact happy with the quality of the people at our agency and haven't really had any reason to doubt any of the information they've given us at this point. I just wish (and DH agrees) that they would keep us updated periodically. I am self-employed and make a point, as most business people do, to touch base with ALL my clients once every couple of weeks or so, even if it's only to say, "Hi, I realize you're still out there and I haven't forgotten you."

Good luck to everyone else out there who's "pulling teeth" these days to get court dates, referrals, etc. Here's hoping that this time WE'LL be the ones answering the phone when the good news is finally delivered.

[rejola]

One thing to keep in mind. Our agency told me that when an adopting person or couple is in Russia, THEY are their top priority and when I get the feeling that we are being "left alone" I try to imagine that they are in the midst of taking care of business for someone who is at the highest risk part of the journey. Our agency told us up front that there may be times that we feel we are not getting top priority but once we get to the point of traveling, we become top priority and they will be by their phones 24/7 making sure we are taken care of.

I appreciated knowing this going in and when I get down, I just keep telling myself someone else needs them more right now. I don't know if this it the case with your agencies or not but it is something to think about.

This is our first adoption and we are still waiting for INS clearance so we have not even been able to travel once. Our agency has gotten involved to try to get INS to move faster; however, INS is "under-staffed" and only get to their mail on Friday afternoons. We are in our 12th week of waiting on them. They are not the easiest people to get in touch with either. We work out of a satelite office in Oklahoma City. The phone number we had for the larger Dallas office now states "the number is not a working number" and we can't seem to find a phone number for the Oklahoma City branch. Very frustrating. Our agency has a direct number but we respect their choice not to give us that number. We don't want them to ruin their relationship with INS over our situation. We can't let parents coming behind us bear the burden for our actions.

Our sermon yesterday at church was about worrying. It helped me a great deal. God doesn't want us to worry but to give our troubles to him. I'm a WORRIER in the highest degree; however, I just have to think our child is not ready yet and God will know when the timing is right.

Rex

[Kasey]

Like LilyMoon our first agency was like this, while they would always call back promptly it was always the run around and vague answers and then all of sudden we were needed to do extra work, pay extra money, etc... we also said enough was enough and switched and after that it was a dream.
Sorry you are going thru this, I would try and sit your contact at the agency down and let her/him exactly how you are feeling, they are supposed to be working for you, not the ohter way around!
Best wishes!!

[regalroy]

I have to say, I feel for them. I feel for me too!!!!
But I can only imagine how I sound today. Whiney, want my kid now, blah, blah, blah.
Oh well, if it is a decent agency, what are we gonna do?

[Littleruler3]

My agency is this way to a certain extent, I think we must all remeber that if there is no news...what is there to say, however, i do think it would be great if they could all email weekly their clients with whats going on....even if there is really no info, its this not knowing!



Mary