[Littleruler3]

This is my last post, hopefuly on this subject.Why can't we all agree to have differing view-points on this issue. I'm not saying that those who parent RAD kids are bad parents, never said that! I still feel that she is less than a compassionate parent, just my opinion, I am entitled to that opinion withour others informing me I'm uneducated, unsophisticated and don't know what I'm talking about!Saying your "sorry" is not always the magic word that makes everything okay! I understand that these kids can push parents to the very limits, but as adults we need to not excuse"bad behaviour".I do feel for this family, but maybe this Mom would have been better off rescinding the adoption, thus sparing this child along with herself a lot of heartache!



Mary

[HappyMomAnna]

Mary--true maybe it would have been better for the agency the family used to look at the fact that the child was being placed in a home with one bio and another bio due...Or prehaps they should have offered a few more services to insure this child didn't wake up in a new situation without a good transistion... Or maybe the agency should have offered better post placement services.... If's and Buts do not change the situation and short of sending this child to a new home I have respect that this family was willing to wash laundry on a tv program. I have run accross a number of families who should have rescinded the adoption plan they made but that is really not an option in a case where the child is already placed.

There are a lot of cold hearted parents in this world and many who should not have had children in the first place...there are parents who should have rescinded much sooner then they did.... I guess I am trying to figure out what HOPE you have for this family and what support if any you are willing to extend? No one can undo what is already done--should she not apologize because "I'm sorries" fix nothing?

I am just trying to figure out what ideas you might have to share considering the situation is what it is?

We see everyday children who are abused (for real) born drug addicted and beaten and sexually abused and starved half to death and it seems the same people willing to turn the back on an adoptive parent are the same ones who claim our society does not give the birthmothers as many chances and as much support that they need? NOT saying you are one of them--just saying that I often face attitude from people who act as if I took away another mothers children--and that my efforts should have been in giving that mother every possible chance.

Is it too much to ask that ALL MOM's have the chance to redeem themselves and get help to overome difficult situation????

[Littleruler3]

you bring up many valid points, I don't have any magical solutions for that particular family. I do hope that if they are in a therapeutic setting that they will begin to make sone progress. Apologizes are a good start, if they are sincere, but so many times the word "sorry" becomes diluted and meaningless, that is all I meant by that statement.Isn't it strange that birth-parents do not have to be scrutinized to the extent that adoptive parents are? You shouldn't or cannot worry about what others ultimately say or do or think, you must do whats right for you and your children. There are no easy solutions to all of these problems.I am a drug addiction counselor by trade, and sometimes I get really tired of all the excuses I hear from people in denial, this woman and her husband are deeply in denial, but am hoping that they will have learned something from their appearance on this show.




Mary

[Lorraine123]

I was so relieved to hear that this family is getting much needed therapy. I hope it works out for them. This child is young and therefore, highly treatable.

I wish there was a way to tell them good luck and to hang in there. Its tough and there are many of us who do it daily. With therapy and therapeutic parenting techniques, this child can heal.

[enchanted]

It was so obvious that this show was set up to malign this mother.

It truly sickens me sometimes how often and how quickly people jump to blame the mother. It seems like everytime any mother turns around they are facing blame from somebody. I've heard from mothers who have been blamed for their children's mental disabilities and have been discredited due to this running for public office. Single mothers, working mothers, disabled mothers, it just never ends. And everyone ready to judge you has pages and pages of studies to show you how your very actions when you wake up in the morning are going to effect your child for life.

One day, I decided I'm not going to buy into this anymore! I was sick and tired of seeing my friends get so down on themselves after being the target of judgement. I just decided, right then and there, that I would never judge a mother, ever again. I WILL NOT JUDGE! For one thing, no one will benefit my judgement, least of all that mother, struggling with one of the most thankless and difficult and least recognized jobs. And no one else in her situation will benefit in my judgement either. No one could benefit but me, and it would be through validating my own choices and lifestyle by judging others.

Judging is easy and encouraged in our society. Few groups get as much judgement as mothers do. But how revolutionary is it for us all to stand together and say... NOPE, I'm not judging anymore! I will not judge, even when I feel like it. I will think what I will in my head, but outwardly I will not judge this person. Instead, I will act with compassion, with understanding, and instead of offering my judgements, I will offer my help.

What a big difference it has made in my life, and the way I view the world and other people.

It is so clear to me, watching this Dr. Phil, that this mother is not in need of judgement and condemnation. She is in desperate, desperate need of help and support. I am so glad that she managed to get that help and support, I am so glad she and her son are healing their respective pain.

To all of you brave women who have shared your stories here, I want to say thank you for sharing your stories. They are so powerful and have made me cry. I've known women in your shoes. You don't deserve an ounce of the judgement you receive. Mothers are human, they have feelings, and they react. But you are all GREAT moms, and you are doing a GREAT job. Love to each and every single one of you.

[dl]

Tomorrow's (Tuesday) Dr. Phil:
Adoption, Part 3
Dr. Phil's first guest wants so badly to reconnect with the son she placed for adoption 18 years ago that she's being accused of stalking him! Then, Jack and Jill were days away from becoming parents when the birth mother changed her mind. See how their dream has come true. Also, a woman who says her husband broke his promise to adopt a child after she had a hysterectomy, and an update on the couple who wanted to send their adopted son back to India.

Also, Dr. Phil's future topics are shown and he is looking for those willing to share their story: Child's ADD Affecting the Family?

[JasmineK13]

I just wanted to make a comment about Dr. Phil and his show. First, I did not see the episose but I did see a preview for it and chose not to watch. Now I wish I would have, and will TiVo it if I see it coming up in a future episode. But I wanted to "take up" for Dr. Phil, since I watch his show on a fairly regular basis. I think he does an excellent job of providing after-care for guests that have been on his show. I know it isn't always explained or discussed in every single episode but shows like this have to take extra special care in their guests since they are dealing with such sensitive emotional issues. Many times the guests are provided counseling with a psychiatrist in their home town. So, just because it wasn't seen in this particular episode, doesn't mean that Dr. Phil and his staff haven't provided the care needed for that family. But on the other hand, maybe they should have done a better job of explaining what was really going on instead of just flaming the parents in order to get ratings... so in that respect, shame on Dr. Phil. But don't assume that all he did was yell at the parents and then sent them on their way without any resources to help them change.