[Pattyo11275]

We're looking for advice/info/experiences from larger famlies (those with at least 2 children previously, adopted or bio.) that have gone through the adoption process. We would like to know how the integration of your adopted child went with your family.

Our family has 4 younger children, ages 11, 8, 6, & 2, and are currently getting our homestudy completed. Yes, many think we are crazy, look at us funny, and almost always the first question is a bewildered "why?" rather than shared excitement when we tell them we are adopting. Now, my DH is getting cold feet. I will be so sad if he decides that adoption isn't a path he thinks we should follow, but I will understand and be supportive of his decision. After all, to be fair to any child we would adopt, this process needs both of us.
His main concern is for the children we already have. The above request for info is from him. We'd both like to how it went when you got home with your newly adopted child. Did your previous children transition well? What unexpected happened? How did your adopted child interact with your other children? How long till you felt like a cohesive family? Any experiences you could share to help would be so greatly appreciated.
Thank you so!!!!
Patty

[Dmommab]

Our situation is a little diff. as we started out as foster parents & then adopted but end result is the same. We have 3 biological children (all girls). They are 22, 19 & 14. We started fostering 3 and 1/2 years ago. We now have legal custody of a little girl who is 5 and have recently adopted Zackery who is 21 months old (his adoption was just final Nov 3). We have 2 more foster children (ages 4 & 2) who are siblings and whose parents' rights will more than likely be terminated in January when we go back to court and we will adopt them too. So now we have 7 children! My children are a little older so that makes a difference BUT I do believe it has been a wonderful experience for them. We haven't had any MAJOR problems - some jealousy from each of them at different times but nothing any different than they feel for their biological sibilings. If you ever have any specific questions feel free to ask - I'll do my best to answer for you. GOOD LUCK!

[votemom]

I can't share any end results yet, as we are still waiting for our court date, but we have 3 bio kids (ages 18, 14 and 10) and are adopting two more, ages 5 and 6. It's been a great journey for all of us - each child in their own way. The waiting, especially, has given us a bond as we support each other and anticipate the news that we can finally bring the kids home. It's been really special to see the love grow, even though two of my kids have never seen their new siblings.

[Waiting4Skip]

Our children - all six of them - are older as well: 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, & 27. For us, it was a matter of YOURS, MINE, OURS. This is a blended family, 3 of the adult children are MINE, three are HIS, and while we are a family in every sense, we wanted one that was OURS. I can honestly say Skip has brought the family even closer together. ALL the children consider him their brother - no halfs for steps - just a new baby brother. It is heartwarming to see how they instantly fell in love with him and have become his surrogate parents!

I can say that like you, our announcement wasn't exactly met with overwhelming support at first. We got more "what are you nuts? Your kids are finally grown - you should enjoy this time in your life" responses than we had anticipated, but they all came around and are all very much in love with Skip. As Mike, my dh would explain:

When you have two irresponsible teens who carelessly create a child, the tendency in most families is to rally around them, offer overwhelming support, and do their best to make good of the situation. Despite the fact these kids are only kids themselves, they have little education, menial jobs if any, no future plans, no experience raising children, and no real committment to each other, friends and family offer their love and support unconditionally. On the other hand, take two responsible adults, who after months, sometimes years of planning, make an informed decision to bring a child into the relationship through adoption. They can provide the child with a safe and happy home, love and nurturing, a good education, and the skills to succeed in the world. What happens? People tell them their nuts! Go figure!

I hope you two can come to terms with your decision. Please tell him not to let outside influences and the careless responses of others, to influence HIS decision.

Good luck to you!

Judy

Judy

[stephw3boys]

We are in the process of adding to our bio boys, ages 7, 5 and 3. Some things we have read are to keep the places in the family - meaning adopt a younger child instead of sticking one somewhere in the middle. We are adopting a girl because I think that will mix up the family more, instead of promoting more sibling rivalry. So, no end results hers, just encouragement.

[tbristow]

We too are a blended family with girls that are almost 17, 16.5, 11 and almost 9. The girls seem to be thrilled by the impending addition of a baby brother (we too are waiting on court dates). Most people think we are nuts but have been very supportive anyway. There have been a number that said they don't expect us to stop with Hunter. It's a personal choice. There are far worse things to do with your life than raise children for the duration. We just returned from trip 1 and I'm even more certain that this is how it was meant to be.

[melis-2004]

Patty,

We have five young children the youngest of which came home a little less then four months ago. Our children are 8, 6, 4, 2 and 22 months. Yes, we too got the strange looks and continue to get questioned about if all of the children are adopted (they weren't). For us it has been both a challenge and a joy. For our youngest it was tough for the first few weeks. We had been gone for twenty-two days traveling on our two trips to Russia during the summer, so the whole household was feeling the pressure. Anyway, our little boy (nearly two at the time) had a bit harder time adjusting to having a sibling nearly his own age suddenly appear. I would say that now he loves his little brother so much and he shows no sign of even remembering a time they were not sharing a room and playing together nearly non-stop. They still have struggles but they are the same we would expect from any sibs.

Our four and a half year old had a hard time having us gone for so long, and the adjustment was hard for her in a different way. She was (is) very close to her little bio brother and she was resentful of the littlest boy coming in and taking toys from "her" baby brother and bothering them when they played etc... She too has improved a ton and now will stand up against "injustice" no matter what the source.

Our two older girls have been wonderful. They have been thrilled with our adoption journey from beginning to end. They love our two "babies" and play with them both.

I believe we have had good and early adjustment with each of our childen to our addition because not one of them believes their needs are the most important in the family. The world does not revolve around any one person and they must all share the attention, time and chores with other members of the family. One of my husband's favorite sayings is, "True love does not divide... it multiplies!"

Yes, this is a really hard job and blending a new child with ones that have been there for a while takes work. It is worth it!

Melissa

PS. Since our kids are so nearly the same age I would love to "talk" more with you. PM me if you like.

[swmphoto]

I have a bio 4 & 3 year old girl and we are hopping to
adopt a boy. My DH is not so eager as I am. I am
working on him daily. I know the travel is going
to be tough on my girls. That is a long time to be away.
I pray that my 10 days is waived. In retrospect I
think that they will soon forget once thier brother is home.
I am scared to death that this decision will not
be the right one and once it is done its done. But
I can't get it out of my heart that this is the right decision.
People too around me think we are nuts but I know
as soon as they see the baby in person all feelings will
disapear. Keep in touch. I hope to drop off my first
paperwork tomorrow. I hope to me a new mom again
by next summer.

Stacy