[brown1823]

What did you bring your child when you first met your child?

A toy? What kind? Did you leave it there when you left?
Did you bring a new toy everyday? Did you bring a snack? What kind?

I was also wondering what your experience was like the first time you met your child? I am so scared that she will cry and not want to come to my husband or I. That would be so heartbreaking.

Kerry

[waitinginnj]

I don't know how old your daughter is, but my daughter did cry. It wasn't heartbreaking for me. I was so worried about how scared and confused she was. She clung to the caregiver. I slowly patted her back while she held on to the woman that she knew and loved. She calmed down and I moved very slowly and continued to speak to her very quietly and soft. I showed her my hand and she poked it with her little finger. She wanted to see if I was going to grab her. I didn't.

Then I began to play with the small toys that I brought with me. Eventually one toy won her over and we slowly slid her onto my lap. She played there for the rest of our visit. Learning how each new thing worked. A couple of rattles, a soft lamb and a giggling duck toy. The now infamous duck worked.

I did bring her raisins and Teddy Grahams. I asked permission before sharing them. The Teddy Grahams were a hit. I was told no chocololate or peanut butter for allergies etc.

Your daughter may cry, but there is nothing better than knowing that you can soothe her fears.

She cried for trip two and passed out in my arms. The judge thought that it was a good sign that she would sleep in my arms. Didn't allow for much of a visit for me - she slept through half of it.

Both times that I saw my daughter, they woke her up to see me. So even if your daughter isn't overwhelmed with joy with your appearance don't fret. There are so many reasons and so many personalities.

Throughout my trips they kept telling me that I was visiting the shy one. Well, I assure you that my daughter is anything but shy now.

You will love every minute of your visit no matter what happens!

[lakimnafite]

My daughter was 8 months old when we went for trip 1. She was eating when we arrived. They finished feeding her, but she watched me the entire time. I sat near her and talked to her as she was eating. After the meal, they cleaned her up a bit and then I sat down. She came right to me. She did not hesitate or give a second look at her caregiver.

I held her in my arms and they handed her a rattle. She threw the rattle on the floor and reached up and touched my cheek. We sat there, looking into each others eyes, her hand on my cheek, for a few minutes - then she gave me a big smile.

She only cried one time during the two visits we had with her. It was when they let me feed her... She is used to being fed very quickly with a very large spoon (tablespoon...). I was trying to feed her as I normally would feed a baby, with pauses, talking, etc. She wanted none of it. She fussed until I started shoveling the food into her face. Then she was happy again.

She smiles and makes eye contact with the caregivers, so I know she has bonded with them. That's a great sign! She seemed to bond with me instantly as well - which of course made me feel terrific!! She just melted my heart. What an amazing little girl!

They are all so different. So don't worry if your baby doesn't do what mine did, or what waitinginnj's did. She will react exactly right for her.

We took a Glow-Worm which she absolutely loved. She figured out very quickly how to make it light up and play music. She wanted it most of the visit. We also took a doll and a few other toys and a new outfit for pictures. The only thing they let us leave was a vinyl picture album. The other things were too soft to be safe in the crib and not really able to keep them clean in the playpen.

When we go back for trip 2, I will take the toys and hopefully she will remember them - and us. I also hope she comes to me as readily as she did before. I do worry that leaving the orphanage will not be as peaceful as staying there with her. Other than trips to the hospital, she hasn't ever been away from the orphanage...

[Kendal]

You know this may sound silly, but they say smell is the sense that invokes the most memory, so we brought both the girls these small cuddly bears that we slept with for about a week to put our "scent" on them. We also brought them a "See and Say" so that they would have some exposure to the English language. We did leave the toys at the orphanage. We did bring them cookies (NutterButters) which was a big mistake because as it turns out one of my girls had a peanut allergy so she ended up getting sick on them! So I might suggest a snack like gold fish or something like that.

Kendal

[Waiting4Skip]

Skip was 10 months old and at an age where he would happily go to anybody.

We brought cheerios and zwiebak toast for him, both of which he loved. We brought him a new toy everyday we visited him, and left them there, knowing they would become donations to the Baby Home. We brought a soft animal that when you press his stomach, recited the prayer "Now I lay me down to sleep". We also brought a soft plastic key ring with keys that were actually teethers. He did love to chew on them. Also, we brought some rattle toys. He seemed to love making noise with them.

We also brought something cute for him to wear each day, and left those there too. We would change him into the new clothes when they brought him to us each day, and we would hand his old clothes back to the caregiver, who would bring them into the back room where the children generally played. While we were warned in advance that nothing he had in the baby home was "his" and therefore we shouldn't expect to bring home any "souveniers" for his memory box, on the last day one of his caregivers left his Baby Home sleeper and booties on top of our diaper bag, then with a wink walked out of the room. She has no idea how much that little sleeper and booties mean to us.

Judy

[Military Momma]

Our son was 7 months old when we first saw him. Make sure to bring teething toys! We brought him links (which we kept) keys, and a plastic bee. He couldn't figure out which ones he wanted in his mouth first!

We also brought a blanket with us both times. We left the first trip blanket there but brought the second trip home with us.

I believe the whole "Scent" thing! We were both wearing the same colone/body spray and he remembered us!

Hope this helps,
Lisa

[knicholson]

Hi!

We just returned from visiting our 15mos old Son and my Mother suggested taking a long necklace with charms on it....you know how Babies love to play with shiny things on Momma (earrings, bracelet etc) and it worked. Our little guy cried too when we first met him but we sat him on the bed and played from a short distance and then I started showing him the necklace that I was wearing around my neck and in know time he was sitting on my lap. I wore it each day and everyday he played with it while I was able to hold him. Also encouraged lots of eye contact because we were so close to one another.

Good luck and God Bless!
Kelley

ps - kind of an extra sweet story about the necklace is that it's my Moms (his grandmother) Lucy Ann necklace and the charms where of each of my siblings so as he held onto each one it was like he was connecting to my family.

[GCS]

We brought different toys and gave them each one every time we visited. Our oldest was 3 so we brought a sippy cup and water along with teddy grahams and cheerios. After the 2nd visit (we got to see them 6 days in a row) we saw what kind of things they liked and we would go to the market in the afternoon and pick up additional items for them. We had the 3 year old eating bananas and oranges every day from then on. The baby couldnt be fed by us as she was still only on the bottle, but I always had a fresh diaper and a receiving blanket and toy for her. She mostly just played with my necklace and watched her new big brother.
Neither of our children cried when we met, but they both cried when we left. That was really hard.

Best of luck!
Christina

[brown1823]

Thank you for everyone who replied. You gave me some great ideas and made me feel better about the situation.

Kerry