[sands]

Any of you journal to your children?

I try to do it every day. For two reasons -- (1) so I can talk to them before they even get here and (2) so I will know what I was doing the day they were born.

My question is... is it unfair to our future children to read about the seven referrals we have had to release? Is it good for them to see the process we went through to get them or would it be heartbreaking for them to see that they weren't "the first choice".

I don't know how the adoptive mind works so if anyone would like to share their opinion, I would love to hear it.

[lakimnafite]

I have not started yet, tho I do have the journal and have wanted to start for some time. It's difficult to start when you don't know for sure which child you will have... Even now with our daughter, I am fully aware (tho often in denial) that something could still happen and it could fall through at the last minute.

I can't speak to how an adopted child would feel (and you'd probably have to title your thread a bit differently if you wanted them to reply) but I think honesty is always best.

I plan to tell our daughter about the little one we first selected who we didn't get. I do believe and I plan to present it that although I didn't know it at the time, that was not the baby God had selected for our family, so it didn't happen. As for the children I turned down for various reasons, again - they weren't my daughter. Even when I was considering them and trying to decide if it was the right child, God knew it wasn't my child and gave me signs that I was supposed to keep looking.

So, I kept looking and finally found my daughter!

[Dobby]

I journaled about our journey for family, and also kept a private one for our child on our thoughts and feelings about everything. I don't think that a child would think themselves as "not the first choice" - rather, you were looking for THAT child. Your child(ren) will come along when they are the right ones. By all means, tell them - it's the journey to find THEM you are documenting.

[dlhall]

I'm currently creating a lifebook for my daughter, which is the story of her adoption. I've decided not to tell my daughter about the referral we turned down. . . maybe in the future I'll change my mind, but as far as I'm concerned that wasn't about her, so I don't feel the need to tell her. Maybe when she is older, we'll talk about it. She already knows her adoption story, we just left out the part that we were planning on adopting another child at the same time.

We are currently working on our second adoption and she is so excited for her baby brother to come. I've already decided that she won't know about any referrals we turn down (if we do); it would confuse her and upset her too much.

Liz

[tbristow]

Yes, I am journaling to our son. I started periodically early in the process. It became more frequent after the referral.

Sands, I haven't been through what you have, but I agree that honesty is probably best. You were referred those other children, you didn't actually "pick" them. In the end it will show how you waited for the two you end up getting. You've had quite the process compared to most of us. IMO I think it's important that they know that. They'll know how much you wanted them.

[sands]

Thanks everyone! I think honesty always wins out so I will just keep journaling away with all the ups and downs of the process(it is already 32 pages long so they better get here soon!)

[skiboo]

I kept a journal during our process. I called it "Dear Child of Ours" and I started it as soon as we knew we were definitely adopting. Here is the opening entry:


Dear Child of Ours: An Adoption Journey

We have not even met you yet, but already we know that you are meant to be ours. We are so excited to be preparing to welcome you in to our home and our hearts. Soon we will be a “forever family” and our home will be filled with love and joy for years to come.

June 20th, 2003
For months we have been investigating the “adoption option”. More than anything in the world we want to have a home filled with children… we want to be a family. We have attended seminars, spoken with agencies and done lots of research online. At this point we are certain that adopting from Russia will be the right choice for us – somehow we know in our hearts that our child is in Russia waiting for us. We called the Children’s Home Society of NJ in mid-June to let them know that we were ready to start the process. A few days later a large packet of paperwork arrives in the mail and we have officially begun our adoption journey. We can hardly wait to meet you...


I wrote it in the form of a letter and included every milestone in ther pocess, but I did not write in it much during the time when we were unsure of when or if Alex would make it home... reading through this journal is one of my favorite activities and I would encourage others to keep a similar journal.