[slm_tbm]

For those who have adopted I really could use some help. I keep panicking over EVERYTHING! Does he have FAE, is there something wrong, did he do that because he will have emotional problems, is he autistic. Every article I read, every person who tells me something, every bit of news I hear about this child developing this or that after being adopted from Russia sends me into a panic. He has started sitting in his bed staring at the wall, he doesn't wake us up or make any noise, just sit's there until one of us comes in or he falls back asleep. Part of me says this is probably just a learned behavior from the orphanage. Then there's the part that kicks in and says he didn't do it in the beginning, so why now! What if he's autistic, what if somethings wrong? Why is it that I didn't worry nearly this much about what happened to him before we got him prior to the adoption. Now that he's home I keep going back to what if!! Did anyone else feel this way? What did you do to conquer it!

Shana

[Vicki H]

Take a deep breath, this is normal. I panicked about everything when we came home to the point that I actually had mild depression.
Alex didn't make any noise when he woke up in the morning when we first came home.
While we were still in Russia he would wake up and just stare at us until we woke up.
Now he either yells for one of us or cries. I think the behavior is just learned , they had to wait in the orphanage all the noise or crying was not going to get them out of bed any faster.
Everyone worries at first ,about everything. Give yourself a break, just enjoy this time with your son.

Vicki

[dlhall]

I'm not sure how old your son is, but my daughter was 12 months when we brought her home. I also worried about everything and then someone gave me the book What to Expect in the Toddler Years, and it was a lifesaver. The book breaks down development and behaviors month by month and as I read the book I realized that a lot of these "strange" behaviors were normal development behaviors. Instead of thinking "oh, this is an adoption issue", I started thinking "oh, this is a 13 month (or whatever month) issue".

And of course you're going to worry more now. Before your son was a hope and a dream, now he's real and he's yours and you're like every other parent--we worry. It's part of the job description.

Liz

[dvona]

I think many of your fears are normal mommy worries---but then again we are always trying to look out for any baby home related behavior/issues that we might need to address. Then on top of that we are trying to learn more about the individual personality/temperament of our child/children. Parenting is a learning curve and sometimes the initial reaction seems to be to panic because we love these little buggers so much---but really what good does panicking ever do (this is a lesson I'm constantly trying to teach myself !) Hang in there.

Donna

[spaypets]

If you're really concerned, why not get him evaluated by an early intervention specialist? It's free (your pediatrician can refer you). Then you'll know how he compares to other children and if there's a problem you can work on it right away.

[Dobby]

I can reassure you about the staring at the wall thing - we are certain Roman is awake a good half hour to 45 minutes before he actually yells for us - but he just sits in his crib. I think it definitely could be learned from the orphanage - don't worry too much yet. Just mark it down, or stick it in the back of your head, and see what happens.

[Shay]

...Shana I felt like I was reading about myself! Granted I do not have my baby home yet, but I will certainly worry about everything. I will probably sleep in the baby's room for awhile after they get home just because I will be paranoid!

I think it must be first time parent jitters.

Hang in there!!

Shay

[Waiting4Skip]

Skip too do some weird things and we're convinced it's just conditioning. He too will play VERY QUIETLY in his crib after he wakes up - sometimes for as long as an hour, before he gives the "Ah-ra" call....His catch all phrase for either his 24-year-old brother or his Poppa to come to him! We were told the children have bedtimes and naptimes that are cast in stone in the Baby Home. They aren't taken from their cribs until a certain time, and they nap at the exact same time every day, and go to be exactly at the same time as well. No straying at all from the schedule. If the children aren't tired when put in the cribs, they learn really quick to just lie or sit very quietly until they fall asleep and if they wake up early, they must be quiet until the caregivers come for them at the specified time. When we first got Skip, he would cry without fail each and every time we put him in his bed. Actually, it wasn't a cry, it was a yell - foor all of about 3-5 minutes. Then without warning he'd stop and begin to babble and play with his stuffed animals, soft book, etc. before drifting happily off to sleep. Our translator told us that with 13 roommates all his life, there was likely at least one child who would be crying, which often started the others screaming. We picked him up at the Baby Home almost 3 months ago now and he almost never does it, but if he is OVERTIRED he will start the screaming thing. I'd say he only does it 2x a week total for naps and bedtime. As one of the other posters said, if you are really worried however, have him evaluated to at least put your mind to ease and as another proster said, you're likely just going through the "new mommy" thing. If others are filling your mind with ideas, just stop listening and follow your heart... They mean well but don't let them get to you. Enjoy this wonderful time with your new son!

Judy

[suburbanmomgw]

Our son has been home almost 10 months and is just starting to call or get out of bed on his own when he first wakes. I had to do a bit of teaching...I told him "it's ok to call 'Momma!' when you wake up and I will come." After continuing to tell him this, it has begun to work. He still has many moments of babbling and quiet play in bed. The children are accustomed to it--I wouldn't worry about "bigger" issues unless there are other behaviors that you are constantly seeing during the day. Early Intervention can be great to help a child "catch up" if that's all it is, and to treat other issues. Don't hesitate to contact them yourself--it may ease your fears.

[ahnasmom]

Shana-

You are perfectly normal. I think because we know of all the potential issues our children MAY face we start to over analyze every little thing. Our daughter has been home over 2 years and I STILL worry...newest worry is she seems too smart...huh? ...I know it doesn't make sense but I am worrying maybe she has some weird issue...so I force myself to stop.

Our daughter stayed in her room, on her bed not calling us or getting down until well after she turned two (adopted her at 11 months.) Then she would get off her bed but not leave her room or call for us...then she would knock on her door, from the inside like she was looking for permission to leave. Finally, now at three, she comes out on her own...not always a great thing! We talked to her for over a year about it being OK to call us or come out.

Alex will only cry if he has a dirty (stinky) diaper in the morning...other than that he will play quietly in his crib and he's been home 8.5 months. Now, if he's hungry in the middle of the night or loses his binky...he screams for me...still an almost nightly ritual!!

Try to relax and realize that worrying won't change things...he is your son and if he does have an issue, you will deal with because he is your baby...just like any other mom would!!

Take Care-