[bmarsicano]

We get there right before mass starts. She did good for a while, then wham, she pinched me on my right cheek. My mother was going to take her out, but she calmed down. Of course, now there's blood on my cheek because she can puncture the skin. Well, she went back to coloring and then she did it to my mother as the priest was saying his homily. Well, my mother got up, got dd coat, and dd thought they were going into the cry room, but my mother took her home, time out and no tv. She got upset when they got to the back of the church because I could hear her scream that she wanted to go to the cry room, but was going home instead. At the children's mass at Christmas Eve, we sat in the back, no parents, and she did fine. A little fidgiting, but that was about it. We are going to try again for New Year's Eve mass and see what happens. If it continues, we are going to go to a different mass. It will screw up my Sunday, but at least I won't have marks on my face. This is the only time she does it. Oh well, hopefully by the time I go back to work on Wed my face will be healed.

[papedge]

have tried pinching her back. I know it sounds harsh but maybe she will relize it hurts and i am not say pinch hard but just so she knows it hurts.

[bmarsicano]

We tried that and she thinks it's funny.

[momm2be]

Hold on -- she may be a little stubborn, but you took the first step to teaching her that misbehaving won't get her out of church.

[amyfk]

Barbara, maybe your daughter and my daughter should get together? ; )

In all seriousness best of luck with your daughter. I am not Catholic so I dont know much about masses, but is there a childrens' mass she can go to?
Amy K, NJ

[dlhall]

Why battle it? I would just start going to separate masses (your dh goes to one and you stay home with her and then you go by yourself). We did this when my dd was little; it was the only way that we could get anything out of mass. Now luckily, we have a nursery at our church and our two year old son is in the nursery every Sunday. We had to take him with us to mass on Christmas Eve and it was a nightmare; we left right after Communion.

Liz

[momraine]

Another idea might be to go sit in the car. Whatever you do if you want her to start behaving in church you want the alternative to be less pleasant than staying in church. If you leave it can't be as fun as staying. So if it means you fasten her into her carseat and sit and wait with no toys till the service is over or you find an empty classroom or restroom where she must sit and not play, whatever it is, it's not fun. Then just consistancy.

[bmarsicano]

Well, there is no dh. I'm a single mom. I just got a back pack together with stuff she can only see at church and we'll see how that goes. If not, we will be going to church on Sun and my parents can go on Sat night until she can sit through mass without pinching.

[ddahl]

With all the gentleness in my heart, I am going to say that you seemed very frustrated by this and its totally understandable. Perhaps its of really great importance that she behave in church and attend with you weekly and I totally get that. The reality is she is 3. Try to go for half a mass and work her up to it. Every time she fails you at church and you come away a bit torn up and bloodied its a step backward. Its taken me 2.5 years to learn how to work my son into different situations. While they are two totally different children, I see of bit of him in what you are describing. My son is flat out no good in large group settings. His world needs to be small, no matter what. Good that I figured it out 2 years into it. Its not a parental failure or a failure of the child to "BE GOOD" its just more than they can handle... right now. Good luck! Big hugs!

[GCS]

Barbara,
I think you did great! She left with Grandma and did not get to go to the cry room so now she knows that is not an option. She is learning that we leave if we hurt someone and we do not go and do something fun. You are rewarding her with special activity during church time.

Stand your ground and repeat the rules to her before you go in every week and I bet that you are doing well (relatively - she is only 2) in a few weeks.

I would set the ground rules out every week. What happens if you hurt Mommy? We go home and no TV, no games. What happens if you're loud? We go home and no TV and no games. If you are good and play with your backpack quietly, we'll go out with Grandma after church.

I also tell DD "no one else talks when Fr Tony talks". And I give her a treat that she picks out before church to eat during the homily when the church is especially quiet. She'll grab some fruit snacks or goldfish crackers and I'll give them to her then. She likes that she gets to go to the pantry before church and pick out her snack. DH hates that she eats in church but I'm ok with it.

[Bcelli]

Gotta toss out some kudos for Grandma. Your daughter didn't get to go to the crying room - like she wanted - and she didn't get to stay with you. Too bad. She'll get over it. Since she did better the next visit, she obviously learned something. Does your church not have a nursery? If your daughter's behavior is disruptive, she obviously is not at an age where she gets anything out of the service other than the enjoyment of aggravating you. The toddler nursery at our church has activities and Bible stories appropriate for the age group, so they have fun and might learn a little something at the same time. And as a single mom, you might need to put your own needs first when it comes to your spiritual refueling. That way you can better deal with her learning processes. Good luck.

[momraine]

I think you are on the right track. You are going to do well. It will take some time, but since it's something important to you, it's worth training her. It was also important to me that we attend church as a family. Our church has only one service, and dh is in the choir. So when my kids were littler I had to teach them. It is so worth it to me. To see how they are now and how much it means to them now that they are older it tells me it was worth it. My teens don't even question it now, church is what we do on sunday's period. It will be worth it in the end, and you will get there and look back and laugh. You are an awesome mom and doing a great job.