[autumnlove]

I was wondering if anyone else had to turn down a referral? I just turned down a referral for a little boy. My doctor was very concern with his size. I am very upset at this point and a little concerned with my agency.
If anyone has turned down a referral how long did it take to receive another referral?? My agency said that it shouldn't affect my status on waiting for another child. I want to believe this but I'm not sure that I do.
If anyone has any info it would be very helpful.

[Military Momma]

I didn't turn down our referral but I just wanted to send good vibes your way and pray for a speedy second referral!!!!! Hang in there! Your son will make his presence known... soon!!!!

Lisa

[Bcelli]

Several folks here have been through that experience, though I have not. We got close with our current referral until we got some of his numbers straightened out, then everything fell into place. It's a gut-wrenching decision and my heart goes out to you. I don't know specifically what your referral's issues were but many children in the Russian system are very small. My son is just now reasonably comfortable in a size 4 slim and he'll be 6 next month. He looks tiny next to his classmates - until you factor in his persionality and then he's bigger than most. We don't know if it was that his BPs were small people or if the lack of sufficient balanced nutrition early on was a factor. We'll probably never know, I guess. On the upside for you, most folks I know of who have had to decline a referral had another very quickly it seemed. The right child for you is waiting. You'll find him when the time is right. Good luck.

[Iready2go]

Sorry to hear that you had to turn down a referral. I had to turn down a couple of referrals due to some health issues. It's hard to make that tough decision, but you have to do what is right for your family. It didn't take long for another referral. Keep your chin up and good luck.....keep us posted.

[MicheleS]

I can relate to how hard it is to turn down a referral. We turned down a referral for health reasons before we were matched with our son who we hope to pick up in the next month or so. It is heart-wrenching but you have to do what's best for your family, and that will become clear when you're matched to the child that is meant to be yours. I'm sure this referral will find their forever family soon. Hang in there!

[citymom]

(((HUGS)))
I am sure that in the master plan of things, this just wasn't meant to be. You have the right to be sad but know that your baby is out there. From what I read on this very board, 2nd referrals come rather quickly. Hang in there! (((MORE HUGS)))

[mgibson]

This is more common than you might expect. And by and large the Russian system seems very well equipt to find another referral soon. I think your agency is right, it shouldnt effect anything. Try not to second guess yourself, things will work out. I know I felt like I had just condemned a little one when we turned a referral down - felt terribly guilty. But folks here are the board are so wonderful to remind me that everything does happen for a reason. This will work out.

Is your Dr. an IA specialist? Make sure you have one with IA experience, otherwise very simple problems can be misread. Mainly the big concern re: size is head circumference. Height and weight are generally small for these guys, but if the head circumference is proprtionately *much* smaller than the rest of the body, or it is not growing as expected, then there are signs of potential problems. It was explained to us that even in malnourished children, the body will provide resources to the brain at the expense of other areas of growth. So the head should be growing in 'healthy' children even if they are physically small and developmentally delayed. You doc probably saw issues related to failure to thrive or small head circumference. Also if you dont have one, next time ask for a video. Our daughter had a small head circumference, but in interacting with her it was clear she was fine. So it can be the case that even if the numbers dont look good, the baby is just genetically small.

This is tough, but you'll hear good news soon. We received another referral the next day (although we traveled blind) and in fact our Russian contacts were nothing but incredibly supportive. I wouldnt worry.

Melissa

[wendi617]

Autumnlove,
I know you must be very sad but I do believe with all my heart that he just truly was not your son. He might be ours!! Regardless, that little guy has a forever family out there somewhere. I know God has a plan for everything and He is in control. His ways are not our ways. We are in the very first stages of our adoption process. We have known from the very beginning that there is a specific little boy that God has for my husband and me. I will be praying for you and your little son. Please keep us posted.

WM

[Vicki H]

Keep your chin up. My husband and I did not turn down our referral , but were assured by our angency that it would not take long to get another referral. I had spoken with some families who did turn one down and received another in 3 weeks. We were told our son had medical problems , but our doctor assured us he was healthy. We have had no serious health problems since bringing him home.

Vicki H

[slm_tbm]

On March 18th we received and turned down a referral for a child with potentially severe FAS. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. We were told the same thing as you and got a second referral last week (March 31st) and have accepted a very healthy baby boy.

Turning down a referral is harder than expected until you do it. I know I never even thought of what it would feel like and I really don't think I could have fathomed what it was really like until it happened. Take these next few weeks to heal and don't worry. Your child is out there and though it doesn't feel like it now, you are doing the best thing for the child you declined. Now they can get the medical attention they need after being diagnosed.

Shana

[ahnasmom]

We did turn our 1st referral for our daughters adoption. I can still picture her, but she was not the right little girl for us. It was a tough decision but in the end it was the right decision. We recieved another referral in 2 weeks.

I have posted this before but our son was turned down for being too young. I am forever grateful he was turned down or he wouldn't be our son! (I found and correspond with the family who turned him down...pretty strange! They are so happy to know Alex is with the right family for him.)


Hang in there...eventually you will know why this had to happen and you will get the child meant for you!!!