[Jensboys]

I live in Canada and last night on "The Passionate Eye" (a CBC documentary show) they showed the true story of a now 22 year old girl who was adopted as a 9 year old to Canada by a doc and his wife. The child, and her brother (adopted by another couple at the same time) were "voluntarily" placed for adoption by their widowed mother who had 8 children she was trying to care for. The children werent taken from an orphanage but rather "found" by a translator.

Anyways, the 9 year old was adopted in 1991 by this Canadian family and Romania issued her a new birth certificate listing the Canadians as her parents, and Canada as her birthplace - thus voiding her Romanian citizenship. 6 months later her adoptive parents told her they couldnt handle her anymore (after bringing home a new Romanian baby) and stuck her back on a plane BY HERSELF with her romanian papers and enough money to catch a cab back to her birth family's home.

What they didnt realize is that she wasnt Romanian anymore either. She wasnt Canadian though because her aparents never finalized the adoption in Canada. She was essentially stateless. She was not allowed to return to school in Romania, her mom was unable to get any help because according to the law there, she wasnt her mother.

Now all these years later, she is still in limbo. With the documentary team she returned to Canada to look in the home she used to live in, and she went to the states where her adoptive father now lives and is a prominant heart surgeon. He talked with her very briefly but was unwilling to answer her questions.

She was also able to meet her baby brother (now 15) who was adopted at the same time as her. She was VERY angry and anti-adoption now and had alot of anger at her brother's aparents for "taking him". But the documentary was fairly sympathetic towards this family as they said over and over again they would of adopted her if they had known she her afamily was disrupting. (bmom has since died due to essentially complications of being poor).

The female profiled in this story is still without citizenship but because of the film, her daughter (whom she was also at risk of losing due to terrible poverty) has been granted Romanian citizenship and will be allowed to go to school.

It was a heart breaking story to watch ... Anyone else see it?

Jen

[BrandyHagz]

Wow Jen...that story sounds gut-wrenching...I haven't seen it, but I sure would like to.

There isn't enough out there about failed adoptions that are a result of the adoptive parents...which we all know does happen, sadly.

I wonder if this is something you can purchase...does the CBC have a website where they offer their shows for sale, like here in the US?

[crick]

OMG! How cruel!!!!!! To put her on the plane and actually not give a rat's butt what would happen to her? Should be in jail for that as far as I'm concerned.

What's the name of the documentary?? I want to see if it will show here in U.S.

Crick

[Jensboys]

CBC does have a website ... Take a guess and it is followed by a "CA" because its canada rather than "com" from the states.

The series is called "The Passionate Eye" and the name of the documentary is "Return to Sender".

It was truly horrible to watch - especially because the aparents were RICH RICH RICH (heart specialist) and they have adopted something like 5 children. She was sent back to a life of DIRE poverty and actually almost lost her own daughter to the Romanian orphanages (she is actually still at risk for that). At one point in time, because her daughter was starving, and she was under 20, they BOTH moved into an orphanage together to get fed. She was never able to go to school again.

The documentary ends with them saying that a lawyer from the states is going to help her get some restitution from her aparents. He is now an extremely wealthy doctor living in the states at a major american teaching hospital. What she really wants though is to be Romanian again so that her daughter cant be taken etc...

Jen

[scarlet52698]

Ugh......how horrifying! That poor girl

[Jensboys]

I forgot to mention in the documentary they talked about HOW MANY children this was done to ... something like 200+ Romanian children adopted during those "baby rush" years in the early 90s were sent back. And thats not counting all the disruptions that occurred where the children were sent to alternate foster homes or adoptive placements.

Lucyjoy was saying on the Romanian forum today that she has two children that were adopted from Romania and disrupted. I know she (I think it was her anyways) has mentioned before that there are organization in the states whose sole purpose is to match disrupted Eastern European children adopted to North America.

Very, very sad!

Jen

[BrandyHagz]

Do you think in instances like this, its lack of education or adoptive parent preparation?

I've always wondered why an adoption could disrupt...

[Jensboys]

Well ... I understand how an adoption could disrupt. RAD behaviors can be pretty severe, and I think alot of pre-adoptive parents suffer from "it wont happen to me" syndrome. Or the syndrome that goes with that, "nothing a little love cant fix".

And I couldnt tell you how many preadoptive parents of older internationally children have told me how excited and grateful their child is going to be because of the WONDERFUL new toys they will get them or the fact that they will "have their very own room". What they arent recognizing is that to THAT child, their very own room might be a very poor trade for losing their friends, family, language, country etc... When I suggest that they prepare for the fact that the child might in fact NOT be thrilled with being adopted, they are often horrified at the suggestion. Often times it is true.

Now, dont get me wrong, I am not saying that in the long run it isnt better for the child to come out of dire poverty and have the change at a family and an education. But that doesnt mean because the adult me thinks that, the child will.

So yes, lack of education, lack of support post placement, lack of follow up at times???? Although, knowing Canadian law, I have no idea how this adoption slipped through the cracks but obviously it happens. Maybe because the family shortly thereafter moved to the states and couldnt be found? That is what her teacher thought - that she had simply moved.

[Jensboys]

http://www.canada.com/national/story...c-d885b360c829

Here is a link to the story

Jen

[crick]

I agree with you Jen and wanted to add that I think the lack of support post placement and education is still prevalent today in my opinion.

When dh and I first started looking into adoption, our initial plan was to adopt from Ukraine. Went to a couple of classes and there really wasn't much too it. They covered the basic challenges of culture & language differences and touched on the "institutionalized effect" but that was pretty much it. Other than some local groups that were more for culture celebrating/sharing, there wasn't anything mentioned about actual support groups after post placement either.

Later when we were going through the classes to adopt through the state after changing our minds, we were amazed at the depth of information given in those classes regarding attachment, long term effects from neglect/abuse/drugs, etc. and couldn't help but wonder why practically none of this stuff was talked about in the international classes we went to.

Maybe it's better now, but that was just 3 years ago so...
Crick

[scarlet52698]

Thanks for posting a link to that story. I hope that someone will step forward and help this poor girl How is she suppose to live if she isn't allowed to be educated so that she can work????

Jen-- Great points. Children see things so differently than adults.

[lucyjoy]

There's a lack of education and post placement services. Often, when a family adopts internationally and begin to see problems, the agency tells them its a phase or they'll have to deal with it. My kids did/do have RAD.

I talked to a parent who was trying to rehome a 6 year old from Bulgaria whose whole attitude was like the parents of the Romanian girl in the article. They told me their child was "not what they expected" and that they "knew what they needed to do to parent him but didn't want to". Not sure how these types of people pass their home studies. Money talks, I guess.

[cathy102]

Jen...OMG!!! What a story. Just read the link you posted. I hope she will be able to sue her (so called) adoptive father. I feel for the girl..

Cathy

[Jensboys]

If anyone is interested, the show will be airing again tonight on CBC in a repeat broadcast of the Passionate Eye. The documentary is called "Return to Sender".

I know that most Northern States include CBC as part of their cable package.

Jen

[cathy102]

Originally Posted by Jensboys

If anyone is interested, the show will be airing again tonight on CBC in a repeat broadcast of the Passionate Eye. The documentary is called "Return to Sender".

I know that most Northern States include CBC as part of their cable package.

Jen

Thanks Jen.. I will have to tape that...