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Originally Posted By Kim

My birth mother declined to give the Intermediary information on my medical history, because no one in her family knows of my exsistance and she is affraid that someone might find out.
I have four 1/2 brothers, that have no clue that I even exsist.

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So sorry to read your post Kim. I think there was much you wrote that did not print, but taking what you did state, it is unfortunate that your Mom is so secretive. How were you able to learn of four half brothers? Are you wanting to meet you bmom face to face or just obtain medical records?
There are many questions and the brevity of your post doesn't help me help much. I am a bmom in reunion for 10 months now and this site will help if you keep posting and asking or saying more.
Best wishes as you proceed.
Marcia

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Originally Posted By Kim

I had been searching for 15 years, looking at faces of people and wondering that somewhere out there I have a blood related family. In the non-identifying information that I recieved from the SC DSS, I learned that I had 4 half brothers on my mothers side and 3 on my fathers side. My birth mother was a widow and dating my birth father. Her 4 sons father died in an accident at work 4 years before I was born.
I decided to hire someone to find my birth mother so that I could get medical history on the family and possibly reunite if it was okay with my birth mother.
The Intermediary that I hired found in a week and she sent her a letter from me with pictures. Later, she recieved a phone call from my birth mother stating that she has had a lot of sleepless nights since the locater first contacted her.
She decided to send the letter and the pictures back, and she declined my request for family medical history.
I am 35 years old and I have an 11 year old son, and no medical history at all. I understand her being affraid to tell her sons of me, but they are older now and I am sure they would understand, since they all have children of there own.
I did not ask to be born, and I don't think that what I am asking for is so bad and that SKELETON that she has hung in her closet since 1965, is hurting and upset and confused as to why she can't give me just the medical history.
I would like to meet my birth brothers one day and I would have liked to of met her, but she is 80 years old and still hiding from the past. Thank you for lisening, Kim

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Originally Posted By Kim

I am having trouble understanding this whole situation.
I am a christian and I have prayed about this for a long time, but I just can't seem to understand why she would decline my request for information.
Is there something that she doesn't want me to know?
Does she think that I am going to intrude in her life and disrupt her lifestyle?
Does she think that her sons will not forgive her for not telling them, long ago?
Or is she just the type woman that is so ashamed that she was lonely when she met my birth father and had an unforgiving relationship with him to where I was conceaved, that she hates me too?
I don't know but, I sure would at least liked to have been given a reason why not.
Kim

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Originally Posted By CarolBird, BIRTHFAMILY SUPPORT FORUM, Experts Group

Dear Kim:
What a heartbreaker! I'm so sorry your birthmother is behaving so weirdly. At age 80, I'm wondering if she might not be experiencing a bit of dementia. It just doesn't make sense that she couldn't AT LEAST provide medical information. I wonder if you can't go around her and try to obtain information from your half-sibs.

I am e-mailing you an article that might give you a little insight into how she is thinking, but the only thing that strikes me is that she is (typical of her generation) ashamed. She played "loose" and got caught. I wonder if any of the other children remember her being pregnant with you ... were they old enough?

Anyway, you might want to try getting the addresses of the sibs and writing to them.

In the meantime, read the article I'm sending, and I'll scout around to see if there is anything else I can find that might give you some support. Maybe Joe Soll's book, Adoption Healing, would be of some help.

Know that there are many of us ... birthmothers and adoptees ... who are with you in spirit and ache along with you.

Hugs and love, Carol Bird
Birthmother in reunion 15 years.

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Originally Posted By Linda

Kim, I, too, am a Christian, and can understand how you might be experiencing some possible feeling that "how could God forsake me like this?"
I'm a birth mother who has a son who has pulled back from the reunion, and sometimes that thought has entered my own heart. As a Christian, I have to go back and remember that God's word says that "all things work to the good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose."With that thought in mind, I had to examine HOW could my son pulling back possibly be used to the good? I examined my own surroundings in my life, and noticed that I was starting to have compassion for my daughter's son's dad. My daughter had a son out of wedlock ten years ago and my grandson's dad has always been a sore subject with me, as he never married my daughter, yet still wanted to have all of the benefits of being a dad. I carried that grudge for ten years...until my own son, who I met back in October, pulled away from me and I hurt so bad, I didn't think I could make it! But the hurt, made me look at my grandson's dad in a new light. He, too, didn't get to see his son very often, because my daughter pulls most of the strings concerning my grandson and his dad.I finally got a "clear picture" of what it "feels" like to be pushed out...rejected...having someone else calling the shots...not having a say as to what is happening. It's a horrible feeling, and I can impathize with you, just as I can also impathize with my grandson's dad, now. I could not possibly have a clear understanding what my grandson's own father was feeling unless I firsthand experienced those same feelings for myself. I would STILL be holding unforgiveness and bitterness against this man, had it NOT been for the fact that my own son pulled out of my life and then I had to experience these feelings. So, what I hope you will take away from this, is that even though things don't seem to be going according to what you want...God is still with you and he has not forsaken you. Start looking around in your life and see if you're seeing things in a different light on some issues that you thought were set in stone. I know I am. My son STILL doesn't appear to want anything to do with me right now...but that's okay. My grandson's dad and I are finally "friends!" After ten years! So something very wonderful and good has come out of this whole hurtful experience. It's all in how you choose to view what is going on in your life.
As much as you long to meet your birth mom, I long for that with you. In the mean time, look around and "see" what good things are happening in your own world around with the people you do have in your life. I can gaurantee that as a Christian, ALL THINGS DO WORK TO THE GOOD FOR THOSE WHO LOVE GOD AND ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE....so be willing to search out what that good is in your own life. I wish I could be there for you...I'd give you a ton of hugs!
(((((Linda, a birth Mom)))))

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Originally Posted By Sharon

Dearest Kim,

I'm pressed for time this week so I won't be able to write all that's in my heart for you right now.

I truly understand your feelings, I've been there and done that so to say.

2 years ago I felt that I'd been rejected for 2nd time, it hurt, it hurt really bad, but I also felt that maybe and in most cases, God's timing is not our timing. I never gave up my hopes and dreams, and now they have come to pass. I know this isn't always the case but good things do come in some way. This week my Birthmom is visiting me for the first time. things are going well, getting comfy with one another and finding out things in common, it's a very confusing time also. Believe me when I say search and reunion is an emotional roller coaster ride. I heard the words thought I understood them, but let me tell you, When you really start the ride, it takes on a whole new meaning. Will try to write more later, just take care of yourself and immediate family for now and enjoy life as fully as you can.

A great Big Hug,
Sharon