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Originally Posted By shannon

hi i just want to share and ask for some advise
i was adopted when i was 6 along with my birth brother who was 5.
i met my birthdad when i was 16 my adopted parents signed a concent allowing child and family services to locate my birth parents.i love my adopted parents but i always longed to know who my parents were and ask them why they did not love me what did we do..well i met my dad and things were good at first infact i moved in with him when i was 17..it lasted two weeks before his wife my step mom started to get all funny and started being rude well one day she blew it for me and my dad came home and asked me to leave because his wife comes first that day was on my 18th birthday.i left and moved back with my adopted parents
i didn't talk to my b dad for about 2 years after that
i met my b mom when i was 20 by then i was married and had 2 wonderful kids. my b mom was sober about 4 times since i met her and i hated her i think you see i tried showing her up by dressing better then her which wasn't hard talking about my babies and how much i love them and how my husband loves me..well about three months after i met her my husband left me for another woman...then my b mom got real sick and was in the hospital for a few weeks and never came out..i was mad at her for leaving me you see it was her i cryed all my life it was her that i have memories of and it was her who i blame my life for being so messed up ..well i some stuff happen that i can't share because to personal..but i could not handle things anymore so i gave up my 2 children it was only to be for a short time but in that short time i got so messed up that i realized i don't want my babes to see me like this and i can't have them getting all messed up because of me..
oh how i miss them
what i want to know is it ok to still be mad at my b mom it is like she left me all over again this time for good
do you ever get over it
i don't know what to do anymore
i think i am falling into a depression and it is like no one sees
i miss my mom so much i miss my babies so much

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Originally Posted By Denise

Shannon, you didn't explain your situation completely, but let me share mine. Before I even started the reunion process, I got married at age 18. I'm 32 now and still married. Through the years we socially drank. But for me the drinking started to become a 3 night a week thing. Then after a few years it was almost every night. Sometimes i would wait until my kids were asleep b4 I would drink. I was trying to kill the pain of feeling rejected by my bmom,though I didn't know it at the time. My adopted parents were both functional alcholics. I was a functional alcoholic for years. I always tryed to show my 3 children how much I loved them and they came first. I swore I would not cause them the pain I felt, I jumped through hoops to give them the life (material things, activities, etc.)that I thought would make them happy.My husband and I split up 3 years ago. We had a custody battle. I knew if I didn't win I would probaly kill myself with my drinking. I put on the great, involved mother show for the court. I won. When it was just the kids and myself my drinking really escalated. I got a DWI. I had never been in trouble with the law in my life.I was 30 years old at the time. It was a wake up call. I realized I had 2 choices. Give up my children to their dad and probaly kill myself slowly. Or stop drinking and realize I need to get my sh** together and live life, with my children. My husband and I reconciled after that. I did not want my children to feel the same abandonment I have felt all these years. I haven't drank in 2 years. Don't get me wrong, my life is not a bed of roses, but I am emotionally there for my kids.Like I said I don't know your situation, but life is too short. Whatever is causing you pain you need to work on. Your children need you.I just made contact with my bmom one month ago, and it is bringing up many emotions that are hard to deal with at times. But what choice do we have, deal with it or shove it back in our minds. Kids grow so fast. I hope your situation gets better.Take Care Of Yourself,Denise (When I really want to feel better about myself I turn on one of those crappy talk shows and see how messed up I could be! J.J.)